My turn to ask for advice...

As some of you may remember, my DH wasnt exactly thrilled with my choice to have surgery. Well, he has come a long way, and has been very supportive.  Since before Christmas we have been dealing with major health issues with him, mostly concerning his back, and some pretty serious sleep apnea. Yesterday, while waiting for the sleep consultation, he brought up the fact that he is beginning to see major benefits to having WLS himself.  How, exactly, can I encourage him, because, I truly believe it will be the best thing ever to happen to both of us.  He has sleep apnea, so severe that they are doing his sleep study tonight, when normally, they told us yesterday that they are about 4 weeks out from consult to test. His BMI is 44, and he has high blood pressure. Not to mention, he just turned 38, so he is still to young to be delaing with these issues. Oh yeah, and the herniated, ruptured, and degenerated discs in his lower back. Ok, so this is a major ramble, if you can make any sense of it, and are willing, help me, to help him make the best decision!! You are all the best!

That is great news for both of you - I would encourage and support and ask questions to let him know you heard him and that you support the idea. Maybe talk about the what-ifs - like what if he has it or what if he doesn't  - he already has a list of health concerns that could be helped with wls. 

Would he go to an information session with the doc? Or can you help him start the insurance information gathering? 

Good luck.

linda

 

Sorry to be dense honey - but I don't see what the problem is?  He sounds like he finally "got it," now you just need to be supportive in his exploration and decision.  Don't be preachy or all "I told you so." - I know you won't be - but just saying. Just keep reminding him how fantastic the whole experience has been for you and that you believe that him having surgery will not only SAVE HIS LIFE, but free him from so much pain and angst AND allow you to become even closer as a couple. We all come to this decision in our own time - and it sounds like he definitely wasn't ready when you had your surgery, but because of your success and all his failures it sounds like he's finally realizing that WLS really can help him! Good luck with it - and let us know when he signs up for his first appointment!

Betsy, This is tough.... I don't know your hubby so it's hard to give advice.  But does he have children? If so, maybe making him realize his children need him to be around.  With the high blood pressure, can come strokes, with all kinds of problems. I'm sure he doesn't want that. Major back problems, loosing weight could help ease the pain, and or make surgery alot less risky. He needs to sit down maybe and write pro's & con's down. And figure out at the age of 38, how long he wants to be here........And what is important to him, Wife, Family, Health, Living a normal life, etc.  I hope I'm  not rambling, and I hope I wasn't to morbid. Just trying to be honest and to the point. Good luck, keep us posted. Kelly

I think as WLS patients we owe to anyone asking us not to ever push anyone into surgery. Its such a personal journey. I would say... "Honey I think that would be fantastic for you and for your health!"  Im there for you if you have anything you need to ask.  Just know I love you and support whatever you think is right." I went through this with my Mom...I was super careful not to influence but to only give my HONEST answers only when asked. Congrats to him on seeing the light on this... men take abit longer to warm up to things somtimes. Hugs

I agree that all you can do is be supportive of his efforts. As we all know this is a very deep personal decision that we all must make for ourselves. Not everyone is willing to make the sacrafices, and changes needed to have this surgrey. All you can do is be open with him, and ready for any questions coming your way. If he makes the decision to do this he is going to be looking to you for guidance. Another idea would be to bring him to one of the coffee groups. He's bound to pick up alot from all of us to help him make his decision.

Good luck

Thank you, all of you! My biggest fear is that I will get over excited at the prospect of him making this choice, and it will turn him off! I have a bit of trouble keeping my mouth shut when I get excited! He has asked me to contact our insurance company, to find out what hoops he would have to go through, and I had to pretend that I was going to do it, when in reality I already had! He also just called me, to see if I will call our PCP for a Q & A session, and if I would go with. so, he really has been thinking, probably longer and harder than he let on, because my hubby is a major researcher, and doesnt go into anything with out knowing all he can. I bought the WLS for Dummies book, and a friend had asked to borrow it, and I couldnt find it, I wonder if its in his brief case???

I would agree with Linda Anne!!!  This is a personal decision and HE needs to make it!  Best to him!!! 

Being supportive is the ticket.  He knows he can come to you for answers to his questions.  Not many people like to be pressured or told what to do.  Comments on what it has improved for you will get him thinking more and more but in the end it has to be his choice 100%

Hi Betsy...that would be great if he decides to have the surgery too. You could realy help him out....you have done awesome by the way!! Just keep encouraging him and showing him how great things are for you now. Good Luck!! Hugs, connie d