Finally Owning My Body

I was looking through some pictures earlier today with my kids and we came across some from last year's summer vacation to the Wisonsin Dells. Oh no...it couldn't be...yes, there was a picture of me in my bathing suit. I just sat and shook my head in disbelief. What have I done to my poor body? How could my husband be okay with me walking around with him in my swim suit? My poor kids. All these negative thoughts started running around in the 'ol brain. And I can't explain this, but it's like . Well, I got brave. I posted it to my profile. Why? Because being a pre-op, I look at so many before and after pictures and it's the people *****ally share about their journey who've accepted where they are or came from and where they've gone or are going that have helped me the most and kept my focus. Of course, I confided in Linda Anne first. Linda Anne and I shared a conversation about her accepting her body the way it is now and she hadn't taken any photos, so I encouraged her to do it. Well, she's not going to post them to her profile, but Linda accepted her body after doing this. So I decided to do the same thing. I'm disgusted by my body right now and I have been in denial about it for years. Always hoping to get the weight off. Always hoping this diet and that diet would work. Well, now I'm at the point where I'm going to do the most barbaric thing there is in this day and age, which is to have WLS. Today Linda said to me "we have to own our part and what we did to our body and knowing it's in need of repair". Gosh, how true is that? Everyone arrives at this time when they are ready, but it's so freeing when you finally get it, isn't it?! I know for me, just the understanding that obesity is a disease has been huge. And as I've looked to my family, it's widespread on mainly the paternal side for me. But it's been a learning process which will make my reward all the more sweeter I think in the long run.  So, I propose a protein drink toast to all of you that are on your journey to better health! We ALL deserve this!

Awww my darlin.. IM so proud of you !! Your on your way!!   When we can be honest with ourselves is when the healing begins.. loving ourselves as much as others do, we stop sabotaging. This sugery for you is gonna be small compared to the leaps and bounds you have made. Im bursting with pride. I adore you

And you know I love being your protege. However, I am still hoping Savers has that brown & cream 50's housewife dress for you because it seriously was the cutest thing ever on you! And, besides, it would accent the new Coach nicely. LOL!

I love reading your posts Amy! You have done such an amazing job educating yourself and really reflecting and looking inward and preparing for what is ahead. You're going to do wonderfully and I can't wait to see you shrink. Your journey so far has already been fun to watch with all you've shared with us, I look forward to the rest of your journey!

Oh Alayna, thank you. I hope you're right. The tree trunks have got to go, I want to wear shorts for once!

WOW - I'm SO incredibly proud of you - I'm tearing up as I write this.  As you know, I finally came to this ephiphany myself not so long ago.  It is the most freeing feeling in the world. The contentment that comes with realizing that no matter what your body looks like you are still a great person and owning that you've ravaged your body but that you're accepting it and no longer holding yourself prisoner to the guilt and shame that comes from hating yourself and/or your body so much.   Amy, you are so ready for the actual surgery! The journey you're taking now maybe be a test of your patience, but realizing all that you are learning right now puts you at such an advantage.  God is trying to teach you something very important and you are so amazing to sit up and take notice and listen to what He has to teach you.  You WILL reap many rewards through this journey if you continue to keep your eyes on Him throughout. I love you so much Amy - you are such an encouragement and a wealth of wise information - it's so good to have you on this board to help others who are going through this journey.  Posts like these really speak to so many of us because it helps us understand that we truly aren't alone on this journey - that others are going through the same stinkin' crap we are, but that we all will get through it in our own time. Thank you so much for sharing your wisdom yet again! Take care sweets! Love, Tracy

You're right Tracy, the more we identify and talk about, the more alike we all really are. It's amazing and that's why I love personal journey's so much. It makes you really understand who you are.

Hi Amy, Honesty is really hard but you said it beautifully. It gives me a lot to think about. I had blinders on for a long time, I wouldn't look in mirrors or let anyone take my picture.  When they did take my picture I always had a smirk on my face, and I was just trying to smile nicely.  But the smirk came out of my attitude about myself and I didn't know why.  I'm still working on loving my self. You are a fabulous woman!! Thank you!!!!

Sandy, you are SO right...honesty is hard, but you know - it is totally liberating, too. Denial is hard to overcome sometimes, but when you really do your soul searching, you find what you need to set you free from it. That's what each of our journey's is all about. Breaking the chains of obesity as we've heard stated before. Best to you!!!

Amy- you are so wise. I can't wait for you to finally get your surgery. YOu are going to be one of the great success stories here.  Hugs, Lori