How do you tell someone they need to have WLS

Hi Gang, My father is very obese and has major health issues due to his weight.  He has diabetes, high blood pressure, is constantly sick, joint pain, sleep apnea, and a host of other things.  Right now he is in the hospital because he has double pneumonia.  He was just complaining of chest pain and so they are going to look at his heart.  I'm sure he has an early form of heart disease.  My dad does no****ch what he eats, he does not exercise, and he constantly has high blood sugar because he does no****ch his diet.   My dad is raising my two younger brothers (15 and 12) and I am fearful that he will not be around to even see them graduate from high school.  He really needs to lose weight like yesterday, but he can't because he won't.  I really want him to have weight loss surgery, and something drastic so that he gets sick when he eats foods that are not good for him.  But I know that everyone does not dump.  He was very supportive in my decision in having WLS and still is but I just don't know if he would be willing to accept a life change and be willing to work his tool.  Maybe he is, but is afraid to ask for help.  I just don't know how to bring it up.  Maybe I should talk to the doctors while I am there and see what they say about it. Can a person be successful with WLS if they are really not willing to put in any effort?

Wow, Dontelle.... that IS a delicate situation.  To respond to your last question first, I would have to say no.  I think a person has to be ready to commit themselves to a new lifestyle, a different relationship with food, in order to be successful.  I would doubt that someone who wasn't entirely serious about wanting this for themselves would even be approved by a surgeon. But I think I liked your idea about talking with his doctors about his weight issues.  He certainly has a plethora of co-morbs that would qualify him.  Explain that you have gone through the lap band surgery and are very anxious for him to get healthier - for the boys' sake if not for his own.  I know that I NEVER intended to go under the knife again, unless it was for an autopsy.  Too many other surgeries in my life, why ASK for yet another?  But then the suggestion to consider weight loss surgery came from my DOCTOR, who pointed out all the GOOD things that could come of it, (and it took his suggesting it to me TWICE before I gave it serious thought).  How can you not consider something your doctor more or less recommends?  So that might be a good way to go about it.  Get them on your side.  Hopefully they're already familiar with bariatrics to some degree and will be supportive of the idea.   That's a really scary position for you to be in - you are in my thoughts and prayers, and I hope you keep us updated on how things play out.   ** hugs **

I agree with Darla. But talking to the Doctors I think would be good. Maybe they can run it past your father and see what he says.  I'll say a prayer for your Dad. Hope he gets better soon. Kelly

I feel for you.  I lost my dad when he was 42 due to a heart attack (I was 11 years old at the time).   This was one of the main reasons I chose WLS.  My mom often brought up my dad's situation when she was worried about my health.  I didn't want to hear it for a long time but nothing I was doing on my own was working so I turned to WLS.   I don't know if it will work but maybe just be honest with him and tell him your fears especially having your younger brothers growing up with out a father.  Maybe the more information he has about it and see's other's results the more he'd get excited about changing his lifestyle. I know I just felt I had so much weight to lose it was going to be so overwhelming but the more research I did the better I felt about this decision.  I often think of weight issues the same as a drug or alcohol problem sometimes people just need an intervention to push them to get that help.  But we also can't MAKE them change.  If your really serious about helping your dad with this and he isn't willing to make changes for himself  think if there is anything in your own behavior that you and your family can do until he makes some changes in his life (like do you enable him in anyway not to change??).  I'll keep you and your family in my thoughts.

Hi....I too agree that talking to his doctor might be the right answer. Let the doctor know how you feel and the concerns you have. Also as he sees your weight loss that my encourage him enough to want to make a change. Change isn't easy for any of us but when things get to the life threatening degree you have to take whatever measures to fix the problem.  Keep reasurring him that you love him and let him know that you are really worried about him. Let him know you want him around for a long, long time yet. I will keep both of you in my prayers....good luck! Hugs, connie d

I have to agree with everyone else here. First, no insurance company is gonna pay for wls if he's not cooperative and motivated. Second, he may resent you for bringing it up. Remember how we felt when family members "delicately" brought up our weight issues? We had a hard enough time admitting them to ourselves. I know for me the hardest thing I have ever done was to admit I couldn't do it alone. It made me feel defeated. and last, the idea of the Doctors bringing it up is great!!! They would probably have way more pull then you would. However, you could be a great support if he decided to do it, since you've been there, and are doing that. Good luck!!

Im my opinion now is the time for a "come to Jesus" meeting.  If he is hospitalized for his health, this could be the best thing in his life for self examination.   He saw you go through it.  He sees you losing weight.  Bring your brothers with you and while he is laying in the bed confront him.  It will be very hard.  You could call this (and tell him)  the last time you will bring it up.  It's now up to him.  You will help him, support him, fill out paperwork, go with him to meetings, make pureed meals, hold his hand...but as Darla and others have said, he MUST be on board.  Anything we can do to help....just ask.  I would even come with you and meet him if it would help.  Paul

I totally agree with the others.  Good luck !!!  Prayers out to you that God gives you an answer to help him lose his weight..... XXOO

Thank you everyone for your answers and opinions.  I did go to the hospital and talked to the doctor, but he was like I need to go through his primary doctor since they were specialty doctors.  My dad does not have a primary because he refuses to see a doctor other than when he is knocking on deaths door.  I honestly don't know what I am going to do.  I was there when the doctor told him his weight could be causing the shortness of breath, but I think that went right in one ear and out the other.  But, after the doctor left, he did start asking me questions about the different WLS.  So we did have a good talk about it.  But we need to continue it when he is released and his immediate health issue is resolved.  So I am praying that maybe he is starting to understand, his health is nothing to take lightly.  I will keep you all posted.

Dontelle, I think it is a VERY GOOD SIGN that he wanted to talk about WLS!  The more encouraging and supportive you can be, the better!  Maybe he'd be willingto go SEE a PCP if you helped him find one and went with him - at least to the clinic, if not the actual appointment!  You are in my prayers.  I know how excited you would be to see him get serious about taking care of himself!  He has to understand that he can't be a good dad for his kids if he isn't taking care of his own health.   WAY GOOD LUCK TO YOU, girlfriend - and it was simply FABULOUS to see you again this morning!!!  (How long did your caffeine buzz last, anyway? )