spouses

I have a question....Are there other spouses out there sick of all the weight loss talk.. At first all we talked about was my surgery what I had to do to change my life and now all we talk about is weight loss all my wow moments that i have and my oh friends.  I think he might be getting upset a little he said it doesn't bother him but the tone in his voice tells me different.  I can't help it This is such an amazing journey there are so many thrills and stuff through out ....... I don't know if I can stop all my talk the more I talk the more I see, and the more it keeps me going to get to my goal.   Whatever I guess I just hope this doesn't ruin our relationship....... Hugs Marsha

Marsha, this sounds like a recording.  You see my wife is so fed up with me talking about it that I have kept it pretty quiet this week.  But while I'm on the tredmill pushing my self that extra minute and still having a smile on my face I think about all of you going through this journey with me and i don't feel so alone at home.  Then when it comes time to communicate we talk about other things.  Although one really good thing has come out of this besides my WOW moments and that is my family is really eating alot healthier. Hugs Troy

Marsha - if you & your DH are open and honest with eachother and both of you share your feelings, then your marriage will withstand this! Just focus on communication and don't look back. Personal story: I found that I would run home after work and want to get on OH just so I could check in and catch up. I'd be on here all night...sometimes until 2 or 3 a.m. even. Well, my DH asked me one day why I needed this SO bad...he felt left out or like I wasn't paying attention to him and the kids. I'm glad he did. I realize his love language is quality time. So are my boys'. We read that book (The 5 Love Languages) and because we all understand what eachothers language is, we pay attention to it. I can honestly tell you it made a world of difference in our HH. Just my perspective, though.

I haven't even considered that I might be driving my hubby nuts. That is a good question I'm going to ask him. I did notice that he is eating less and is always willing to try a new receipe I get. So far he has liked my food choices.

Marsha, I understand what you are saying when it comes to spouses. For the last 6 months my life has been consumed with WLS. I go to coffees every chance I can and I'm on this board often as well. Alot of our conversations are around the surgery or OH. I just asked my husband on Tuesday if all this talk bothered him. He of course said no! I'm going to take his word on it but I tend to think it does a little.  I don't think that I will ever be able to stop talking about it. I think its good for our spouses to be there every step of the way so they can realize the new changes that are happening with us.  But, I think I need to ask him more about him and what is going on with him and lay some focus off of me.  I truly think that this WLS will not only benefit me but our marriage. I will be able to be more active and start to do things that he likes that I have not done because I was to afraid or unable to because of the weight.  I just say be insightful to your husband and take some time out each day and let the focus be on him!!  Wishing you the best. We are in this together.

I noticed that with family but not my spouse. They got sick of hearing how much I loss and it was all I talked about.   My DH rejoiced with me.... but it does get to be all about us and it should!  This is an exciting time and he should support you even if hes sick of hearing about us. < cant imagine lol > Its a big switch for them... all these new people... feels kinda threatning... but just tell him I love you... this is so new to me and these friend are SO supportive I dont think I could do it without them. Invite him to come.. if he says no then the ball is in his court. Your gettin prettier and prettier..its gotta be abit freaky... if he comes and sees everyone it might be less a mystery.

So... patience... if you  need to toot your horn.. lol... come here and give it to us...  Good luck

I'm so very lucky in that department, my hubs has been Soooooo very happy with my WL! I can't say enough about what a loving and supportive person he's been! I've just hit my 1 year out from surgery and he couldn't wait to hear all the current weight loss numbers. Some of you have had the chance to meet him and I think you can tell he's very happy for me!

I'm very blessed to have him in my life!

 

Rose  :)

Hi Marsha, I can tell you that WLS is part of the reaso my marriage is now over.  My husband said everything over thepast few years has beeen about me and mt surgeries and the complicationa dn soforth and so on and he was dorunding in it all. Trouble is he never told me until it was too late and I didn't see it coming.  I was tooo wrapped up in me.  We should be taking car eof us but we need to be careful that it really isn;t ALL about us. Though there is more to my story than just the WLS, but it was a major contributing factor.  We are now in the middle of one ugly divorce processs. One thing I can tell you is if your mariage was strong in the first place and you continue to communicate you both will be fine.  If there were problems, even if you didin't realize there were problems I can guarantee you there will be a divorce in the near future. Good luck to you! Linda

As an "old timer" here....I can say this, the absolute need to live & breath OH, WLS and all that does lessen over time.  Your new lifestyle becomes habit and its just not the biggest thing anymore. Now, I do still come here a ton, daily, but I'm not as openly communicating with others about it all like I did at first.  And thats ok.  I'm sure it got old for them...but I honestly didn't care at the time.  I had spent my whole life taking care of others and it was my time, so I enjoyed it.  If family/friends/whatever didn't share in my joy, well too bad for them. Maybe just trying to write in a journal or blog here all the stuff that runs thru your head about this wonderful new life will help you to not need to constantly bombard your hubby with it.

I think this is a concern for most of us.  Either for valid reasons, or in our own heads.  I know I worry about upsetting my hubby with all my coffees, and how they often turn into a whole day thing, about how after I get the kids to bed, I head to the computer to catch up on OH (most nights).  He doesn't complain one bit, he loves that I have all of you wonderful people for support, and he knows how important it is to my being and STAYING successful!  He's also a homebody, and has figured out after 19 years that I'm NOT!  But I have a fear of him feeling like a second class citizen because of it.  So I try not to talk about it all the time, although it's difficult not to.  I like to share stories about all my beautiful friends, all the fun and laughs we share!  In the card he gave me yesterday, he wrote quite a bit about how PROUD he is of my weight loss, how he can't take his eyes off me, it was quite a tear-jerker, let me tell you!   My son misses me when I'm out with y'all, but he's really happy for me, (even made up a special birthday song for me last month that I shared at the Depot...)  I make sure I spend special time with him, too.  My daughter?  That's another whole story.  Could be she'll want WLS herself one day, so seeing me in smaller clothes than she's currently wearing is really hard for her.  Hearing people tell me how good I look is really hard for her.  Seeing the small portions I eat while she's eating her normal amount even bothers her.  I guess I'm more worried about how she's taking this all than anything else.  She's also a hormonally driven 15 year old, so it's rather - uh....  dramatic?  at times in our household!? Anyway, even tho this is a MAJOR DEAL for us, I do think it's important to remember to maintain a sense of normalcy for our loved ones as well.  They're used to us moms (sorry any dad's reading this) putting all our focus on everyone else, so seeing us so self-involved with our WLS journey can be really disconcerting to them.  We need to share our journey with them, but we need to share ourselves with them even more. Good lord, I'm a wind bag...