jealousy?

Has anyone dealt with jealousy from overweight friends or family before, during, and after the surgery?  I can sense a tinge of resentment from my best friend ever since I told her I was approved.  Now, she's picking at the little things on me...like my hair being a little thin now *has been for years*  and a shirt that I shouldn't wear or something.  Maybe I'm looking into this and it's just my own insecurities? 

If ANYONE treats you differently, ask them why!!!  If you think she is digging at you, ask her why she just said that (Tracy's standard line is "did that sound better in your head"?).  But first really sit back and ask yourself if she has asked you stuff like this before and just didn't notice?   And some people just get sick of hearing about you -- period!!!  It is hard because all the focus is on you and what you are accomplishing with the surgery.  I've learned that I don't talk about my surgery unless I'm asked (or I'm with my OH buddies!!).  then I keep it down on the low so others who have heard the story don't have to hear it again. Good luck!!! XXOO

Yep, and you'll probablly start getting the"I know someone who had that surgery and they gained it all back or (fill in horror story)" and the whole "are you sure you've tried everything".  A little is jealousy and a little is THEIR fear of you changing.  Hang in hon!  It's better!

Girlfriend, don't let that stuff get to you.  Love her the same.  Just don't let her hurt you(emotionally).  This is one of the things I was told I will have to face when that time comes.  Don't let these comments make you insecure of yourself.   Besides, one day she might be asking you to help her walk through her journey.    If she is best friend, you should be able to talk about anything.  Just pull her to the side privately and ask, if you have done anything to offend her or if there is anything she is uncomfortable about when it comes to your health decision.   And whatever it is, DON'T LET IT GET TO YOU!  Hold your head up and keep striving for life!!!! God Bless

Yep dealing with it from a few different friends on different levels. One just tells me how skinny I am and keeps pointing out the fact I am skinnier than she is now . But another friend made a huge deal about it the last time we went out. She said over and over, Oh my God you are so skinny I feel like such a cow by you. And everyone who we talked to all night long at the bar she would announce, "can you believe how tiny she is she is skinnier than me now, I am the fat friend. " She just wouldn't let it go. I kept changing the subject and reminding her that it has been a struggle and will all my life. At one point I even had to say, "yep, I have lost a lot of weight. It only took dying, having tons of scars, not being to eat normally, having to spend money on clothes, and not being able to have treats anymore. If you want to do that, go for it, but you won't qualify being 5 pounds overweight". People don't really look at the life changes that we have to go through, and the fact that after the first year, we have to struggle to keep it off, just like everyone else. All they see is the benefits. It is hard, but if they can't get past it, they aren't true friends.

Weightloss changes all the interpersonal dynamics in your life. No one wants to be the biggest one in the room and if I was there, no one else had to worry about being in that position. You aren't the same anymore!

I have a co worker that is the same size I was pre op. We had alot in common, went to lunch everday, complained about our weight to each other ect ect... she tried talking me out of the surgery, did the horror story thing, confessed that she worried I wouldn't like her anymore and so on and so on... after my surgery she would ask me how i was doing and when I would tell her she would call me a show off. Finally I took Barb K's advice and said "Yep! I've worked my ass off to get here and I'm not gonna hide it!" You asked me how I was doing and where I was at with my weight loss if you don't like my answers then don't ask! and if you don't like my response now then my dear you'll have to excuse my ever shrinking ASS!!!..... she doesn't ask me anymore how much weight I've lost, and we do still go to lunch occasionally but she no longer comments on how "little" I've eaten or tries to feed me more LOL she justs eats her lunch and lets me eat mine... hopefully you'll find a common ground with your friends. But the others are right don't let her make you feel bad. Stand up for yourself... her issues with YOUR journey are just that.. her issues.

wow - I guess I've been pretty lucky in this department.  I still have a ways to go with the weight loss, but I haven't had any of the catty comments.  (yet...?)  There was one co-worker who kept sharing the story of the woman she knows who has sabotaged herself back up to her pre-op weight, but she stopped. I suspect another co-worker might have had words with her, because I was beginning to DREAD seeing this woman!  Much as I love her, I just don't need to hear that crap.  It stopped quite suddenly...  and she's actually been more complimentary than anything since! Just be sure that anyone who tries to say something negative knows that you're doing this for YOU, and no one else.  If that doesn't get the point across, nothing will, and you'll either have to cut them loose, or get quite blunt with them.

It is sad but true...we do get treated differently even by friends somtimes. My best friend is trying so hard to be happy for me but admits she is more then a little jealous. I love her to pieces and appreciate her being honest. I am getting so much more attention now I know it hurts her sometimes. Just try to let the negative comments roll of your back...smile and walk away. Hugs, connie d