Help! What to do? (long....sorry)

Where do I start.  I had RNY 6/6/06.  Started out at 245.  Now 180.  I have been at this weight for almost 1 year now.  I can't seem to loss anymore.  My eating lately has (excuse my language) really sucked.   I started an awesome job ayear ago last Oct.  They had to let 4 of us go due to some issues with getting FDA approvel on the product we were producing.  Since then I have temped at a job.  I finally found another job that I thought was just right for me to be told 2 weeks ago that I was NOT a fit for their dept.  Once again i am unemployeed.  I can go back to my temp job as soon as they have work for me.  I took on a part-time night job at our local Wal-mart.  My problem is I am extremely hard on myself.  I can not do anything right.  I am already on lexapro.  I just can't stand this.  I have an attitude and little things people do irritate to no belief.  I dont' even want to be around myself.   Can someone tell me how to improve my attitude?  Why do I have to be soooooooo negative and grumpy all the time????? Why didn't  I loss more weight?  Why can I not see how skinny everyone else says I am? Why can I not stop eating all the bad food for me?  Why can I not find a good job and keep it?  What is sooooooooo wrong with me? Sorry for the rant but if you can help me understand any of my messed up life please do.  I don't want to hear that I need to go see a shrink either as that cost and no funds here.  Any other words of wisdom would be great.  Thanks!!!!

First of all-you need to hear that you have done very well with your weight loss!!  You are apparently sabotaging yourself by eating the junk-guess what, that is not so abnormal.  This operation only changes our stomachs, not our heads, and if you have insecurities and fears and your way is coping with food-well, that doesn't change overnight just because you had WLS.  You have to learn to be accountable to yourself-and love yourself, and that is a big order.  That is why most of us see a 'shrink'-because you do need to deal with your issues.  If you don't have the money to see someone, at least see your doctor and have your meds looked at-after weight loss you may need to tweak your med/dosage a bit-most of us have to .  You definitely sound depressed, and that can cause so many problems with eating-depressed people usually do not make good choices to take care of themselves.  Get to the library and see if there are any books on WLS that will help you pinpoint where you went off the program-if you have your pouch guidelines from your surgeon get them out and be honest with yourself about what you are doing--are you drinking with meals?  drinking pop? eating lots of carbs/empty calories?  Only you can move forward at this point-we can stand on the sidelines and cheer you on, but we can't change what you are doing.  The stress of the job thing I know too well-and I hope that you can find something soon that is a good fit-keep trying, and keep smiling.  If you can get to a support group in your area, by all means make the effort to go-it can REALLY help.  I hope I don't sound like I am judging you or coming across harsh-I want you to know that you can change things and it is not too late to turn things around.  Good for you for coming to the board-there are sooo many people hear who will be glad to give you a lift. big hugs and good luck, lynn

I have no advice but wanted to offer you support!!!
~HUGS~  I hope you get some answers here!!

Honestly you sound like me when Im NOT on Lexapro.. it might need to be adjusted. Good luck and keep posting ... it helps.. Linda

HUGS ~~~~ Hoping your doctor will have some answers for you.  Like Tracy's avatar says -- If God brings it to you, He will bring you through it......Prayers to you that you find your path.....

Read the book "What to Say When You Talk To Yourself" by Shad Helmstetter! Seriously. It's a phenomenal book and it will help you. If it's not available at your local library, ask them if they can get it in for you. Most libraries are very accomodating! Also, choose 1 thing that you like about your self (personality or morals work best) and write it on your bathroom mirror with a dry erase marker. Say it outloud every time you see it and you will start feeling more confident because you BELIEVE it. Please love yourself and never hesitate to come to the board. We can help you with suggestions to finding your way, but ultimately it comes down to you wanting to be the best you can be. You're worth it!!!

Well I almost cried reading this post!  I just want you to know that I think your a WONDERFUL person and also that I'm SOOOO proud of the weight loss you've had so far my freind!!  What is wrong with you....your human and normal.  We've all felt that way at one time or another and this time of year is tough too.  Maybe some talk  therapy or medication-talk to your pcp. Look in the mirror my friend and see the beautiful person looking back!!! Blessings!!

Hey Hon!  You are a wonderful person, God doesn't make junk!  It sounds like to me that you need a good group of support people, stop being hard on yourself, and possible med adjustment.  Also, during this cold weather and grey days a stop at the tanning bed can brighten one's day!  Make sure you are getting in all your vitamins, calcium, B12!!  Water and protein to!  It can seriously affect how you feel!  As far as you not losing more there is a few things we should know: How tall are you?~ the taller a person is the facts are gonna be that they weigh a little more.  Are you tracking how many calories?  If you want to lose weight (my clinic says) you should eat 800 calories.  To maintain eat 1000-1200 anything more you risk gaining.  Hang in there dear!!  HUGS!!!!

Repeat outloud to yourself everyday at least 5 times: I am NOT a failure!  God made me and God doesn't make junk! I am NOT a failure! Or better yet, when you're at Walmart next, buy the new CD by Natasha Bedingfield called Pocket of Sunshine.  There's a song on there that Sabrinna posted a couple of days ago called Freckles - you need to hear this song and the other one that Sabrinna pointed out to me called Happy.  Both have the message that you desperately need to hear right now. Here's the link to Sabrinna's post so you can at least read the lyrics to the Freckles song: http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/MN/a,messageboard/action,r eplies/board_id,4825/cat_id,4425/topic_id,3514736/ I so feel your pain as I have just recently emerged from the place you are in right now.  I too take Lexapro and have suffered from depression for the past 14 years of my life.  It sucks, plain and simple.  First of all, right now everything seems overwhelming because you have a ton of stress in your life and everything seems to be culminating at once. The best thing I can tell you to do is to see your pyschiatrist again and explore what else might be going on.  For me, through a conversation with a co-worker I realized that I could have ADD.  Having ADD could explain my severe irritability towards other people, my inability to focus and conentrate for any length of time and my inability to remember anything.  There are many other symptoms as well - but realizing that there was a reason why I couldn't control certain aspects of my emotions and mood was a profound realization for me.  I'm not saying you have ADD, but there could be other things that are contributing to your attitude that you have no control over.  You need to seek out professional help, I know you say you can't afford it - but you really can't afford to be miserable either - ask your family for help - your life depends on it! As for the weight loss (or lack there of in your opinion), I think that could be related to all the other stuff.  It could be that you're sabotaging yourself unconsciously because of your dislike for yourself - you don't think you're worth it so you might as well not try.  You have to keep reminding yourself that YOU ARE WORTH IT!  You deserve to be happy - even if your subconscious tells you otherwise.  When you have a bad thought about yourself - tell Satan to get in the back seat!  He's not driving your train God is!  And let God drive it - the more you try to control your life the more out of control it will become.  Let Go and Let God!  So for your first step - take a deep breath!  Then take some of the other advice on here.  Start making a list of all the good things about yourself.  Read the book that Amy suggested.  Keep a gratitude journal to remind yourself of all the good things that you have in your life.  Start concentrating on the positive and your life will begin to be positive. I will say prayers for you and keep you in my thoughts.  I understand your pain all too well and when you're in it - it's so hard to see the forrest through the trees and get out of it.  But once you're through it you'll be overwhelmed with the goodness that is there.  If you don't believe me...read my post from yesterday...here's a link http://www.obesityhelp.com/forums/MN/a,messageboard/action,r eplies/board_id,4825/cat_id,4425/topic_id,3518936/ I hope you can take some sort of nugget through all this and get yourself to a better place - until you do, come here and vent all you want - we will all be here to love and support you! God Bless! Tracy

Hi Sweetie~ I have nothing to add after reading the good stuff by the others ahead of me.  They are soooo right on. So---My prayers will go out for you, that you realize how precious you are! And may you realize that when you thought you were by yourself, it was when God carried you. He's got you in His hand. ((HUG)) **SUE**