How WLS has change my life! - LONG

The last few days I've been very reflective and have felt the spirit move within me. As I shared with my dear friend MJ on Friday, I finally feel as if I've arrived at a point in my life where all is good. I feel content being who I am and am not hoping to be someone I'm not. WLS has had a huge impact on more than just the number on the scale. Seeings as I had no cormorbidities prior to surgery, I had no looming reason to have surgery; except of course, knowing that the cormorbidities were inevitable long-term.  But because of this, my sole reason for having this surgery was mostly for vanity reasons - I wanted to look better. Boy did I get more than I bargained for. Over the past 10 months, I have had to face some issues that I've known were there for quite some time, but were easy to ignore. On my 9-month surgiversary (12-26-07) I made the following commitment to all of you  1. See new psychiatrist for new meds to begin dealing with mental health issues that are connected to my eating disorder. (Appt is Thursday)
2. See new pyschologist to begin the talk side of dealing with the above.
3. Drink at least 4 bottles of water a day.
4. Take vitamins EVERY day & B-12 at least once a week.
5. Exercise at least 4 times a week.
I can report that today, I have done all of these things consistently and they have made a world of difference. Two weeks ago, I was finally diagnosed with ADD and began taking meds last week - it's still in the experimental phase of getting to the right dosage and timing, but I'm excited that this has finally happened.  You also know that I began a Group Weight Loss program at the Y, which is phenomenal - I lost 3 pounds last week (this is after the scale hadn't moved even a pound either way in 2 months).   I have also felt contentment in my heart - and that I contribute to God being with me every moment of everyday.  I'm trying desparately to let Him control my life.  For so long, I have tried to drive this train I'm on and have realized that the only thing that it was getting me were train wrecks.  I have to continue to allow Him to direct my plans and if I do - the benefits I will reap will be unimagineable!  I keep reminding myself of the phrase "Want to make God laugh?  Tell him your plans!"  God has good in store for all of us if we just submit to His will and not our own. I plan on getting involved with a program sometime this Spring/Summer called the Alpha Ministry to keep me moving in the right direction of reconnecting with the God that loves me so much. The best thing that God has done for me is bring me to all of you.  You have to know that the reason for my being in the place that I am today is because of all of the love and support that I get from each and everyone of you.  The kind and generous words that each of you have shared with me have had an undescribable impact on my life and specifically my self esteem.   In the past, I never contacted friends because I couldn't understand why they would want to spend anytime with me.  I didn't feel that I offered anything to them and that I was just a burden.  I never believed anything anyone said positive about me - because I wasn't worthy of the comment.  And heavens - if someone made a comment about me being attractive, it was surely just the kind thing to say to an overweight person. It wasn't really what they were thinking.  I hated myself, my body, my issues and life in general.  The thought of suicide (although I would NEVER do it.) was a regular thought every minute of every day.  If heaven was supposedly so great, why couldn't I just get out of this God-forsaken hell on earth and go enjoy it. Today, I have a different outlook for myself and my future.  God has plans for me and I'm finally at a point where I can say - okay God I'm ready - hit me with your best shot!  I see the potential of who I am and what I can become and I'm excited for what's in store. I praise God for getting me here and thank Him everyday for putting each and everyone of you in my path.  You have all been instrumental in getting me here - you are my lifeline.  I wouldn't be here without all of you and I know God put each of you in my life for a specific reason.  I can't thank each of you enough for allowing God to use you to benefit me.  I truly hope that He has plans to use me in each of your lives too. I love you all so much.  Thank you for allowing me to express my thoughts here, and I apologize that it got so long. I pray that each of you can some day reach this point in your life.  It is a good placed to be.  God is good! God Bless!

We love you too ~~~ and glad that you are feeling better about yourself!!! XXOO

Tracy--thanks for the letter I COULD'VE written.   You are soooo precious--I'm glad that you're starting to realize your worth.  I know the journey is difficult--but you've got the 'right Guy' on your side so you're on the right track! (((HUG))) **SUE**

Oh Tracy,

You called at just the right time on Friday it was so uplifting to here what you had to share... NOT just listening ... HEAR!

Yes, YOU brightened a very hard day of physical pain and self doubt of can I do all the professionals ask of me.

"If God brings you to it, He'll get your throught it."

I am also so THANKFUL to have you all in my life, with the help pre-op and with my new journey to a healthy life began.

Yes, you all are my lifeline, too! As I sleep yesterday and really rested with the physical pain( not much truly).

It was more self pity. Another Dr. appt. and ??'s and removed a piece of my body.. I asked when will I make a step forward.

Then an Angel called. Tracy you GIVE as much as we can ever give.

I love the laughs and giggles and the honesty truth of the struggle we all face .. Mind, Spirit, Body.

Singing, tubing and crying at times is Great Healing.

Thank You Tracy and all my Angel's at OH.

With true Respect and Gradititude for all you share,

mj

That was such a beautiful and honest letter.  I am so happy that you are learning to love yourself and that you are loving God so deeply now. I went to Alpha at my church (a couple of times actually).  You will love it and learn so much from the videos and the small groups.  Feeling content is something that alludes us all at times and yet it is something we all really need.  I know God has used you in my life and I'm sure in the life of so many others too. I hope this zest never goes away for you! Debi

Tracy, I am so glad that you are at a good point in your life. You DESERVE nothing but happiness. You are also a great support to everyone and always able to cheer someone up.  We are very lucky to have you on this board & coffees to share your experiences and to see your beautiful smile.   Thank you for being an inspiration to US!

Tracy what a great post! I couldn't agree more. I feel so blessed to have found this board and the support it provides. I have been praying for help in knowing if surgery is the right thing for me to do and lo and behold I find all of you! God answers prayers in ways I could never imagine It was so nice to meet you at the Y yesterday. I knew right away by your great smile it was you! Keep up the great attitude and positive outlook. You deserve noyhin' but the best!

I think that allowing God to control our lives is one of the hardest things to do, especially after we have been trying to drive it ourselves for so long.  I too have gotten to this point and vow several times a week to allow Him to control my life and to do His will, but I find I need to remind myself constantly to back away from the controls.   I am so happy that you are feeling happy and content and glad to be you.  I understand what it is like to live with that constant thought of suicide, becase I lived with for about 14 years it was just this past year that it finally disappeared and I am so grateful for that.  Please be paient with the psychiatrist, because speakin from experience it can take many tries to find something that will work for you.  I pray that they are able to find the right medication and dosage as well as that the therapy helps.   Thank you for sharing all of this with us.  You too are a blessing! God Bless!  

Tracy, I'm going to keep this short because your post was so incredible! I just first wanted to thank you for sharing. You are an incredible person who has had an incredible journey. You are loving, caring, beautiful and honest. I am so glad to know you! Thank you for being you, Tracy. God...this is a really SWEET spot you are in right now and I am VERY happy for you. There is nothing better IMO. When you have your vertical alignment right, all else goes the way it is supposed to. Love & Hugs my dear Tracy!

Hey Sweetie!  Congrats on the scale moving!!!  I am soo happy for you!  What a beautiful post!  WHat an ispiration you are!  I feel sooo blessed that I got to meet you!  I am so proud of you!  Love and Hugs!!!!