Will this time be different????

While I have been going through the approval process for my RNY surgery I have found myself doing a lot of thinking about a ton of different things. Coming here has helped me a lot! Thanks to all of you!

One thing that has been on my mind for the last few days is will I really be sucessful? I have tried every diet program there is, lost the weight only to fail in the end. How can I possibly believe I will be sucessful with this? Should I even bother? Will this be another failed attempt in the end?

I am sure many others have felt this way and I am wondering how you got through it. Thanks :)

OH WOW!!  Reading that gave me deja vu!!!  I SOOOOO remember thinking that myself!  And after that thought was what if I AM the one the WLS doesn't work on!!  You are sooo normal for thinking that!  Your brain is trained to think that it will fail but look at all the people here and they are living testimony that YES it is worth it!!!  There are somethings that are just like dieting with WLS but you get results by using the tool properly!!!  Also, WLS will teach you so much about what is a good choice, it will give you the ability to succeed, the ability to eat to live NOT live to eat, and soooooo much more!  HANG IN THERE!HUGS!

I too had those same feelings. I have tried so many different diets and was successful for  a while and then just failed and gained the weight back plus some. Why would this time be so different? This question was asked to myself many times. I'm only about 1 1/2 months out and still carry this worry with me. The thing that I keep in my mind is how I need to change my lifestyle and relationship with food. Not to think of this as a diet because boy it is not a diet. They have altered my insides. my life will be forever changed. I'm sure as we go through this journey we will make mistakes but with the help of people on this board and other support people we will get through those tough times.  Know that your feelings are normal. Your choice to go ahead with the surgery is a personal choice and one that you have to make. But, know that we will be here each step of the way to help you along whatever path you take.  Wishing you all the best.

Thanks so much, it helps to know I am not the only one who feels/has felt this way.  Sometimes when I alone with my thoughts I become dangerous!  I am so glad I found all of you!

I too would have to agree that these same thoughts went through my mind many times before and as I approach my 2 month surgiversary I still worry that I will fail or do something wrong and my tool will stop working.  I think it will take a lot of reprogramming for my mind to stop thinking that way.  I hope this helps!

I sincerely think everyone that considers WLS has been in that same place mentally.  This is, for all practical purposes, a last ditch effort, a HUGE step, a GINORMOUS decision to make!  And it's more or less a rest-of-your-life deal.  You need to be determined to do what you learn to do, for the rest of your life.  That you are SO FRICKIN' TIRED of being SO FRICKIN' TIRED, that you WON'T let yourself down!  Fortunately, your tool will help you as you go.  That's it's job.  YOUR job is to honor that tool as the gift it is. Think of it as looking for a lost key.  Why is it always in the last place you look?  'Cuz once you find what you're looking for, you don't have to look anymore!  That's what WLS is to me. 

I'm glad you posted this question.  I am still in the losing phase and am praying I will be successful in the maintaining phase.  I've been reading the responses and after reading posts for the last month, I realize there are so many that do maintain and this board is one reason why... The people here are amazingly understanding and forgiving and encouraging.... Good luck to you and to all of us that do this.  I have found that this has been a God send to me and my health, so even if I do gain a little back, I'll still be healthy and alive...

I think in some way we all feel the same way. But I know I did the right thing for my health and need to stick with it. I'm a month and half out and am already amazed at how much better I feel.

Hey Krisi! WOW - I think if you could figure out the answer to this question, you'd become a millionaire - but then again it's so different for everyone!  I look at people like Sandie and Linda A and think it was probably the farthest thing from their minds that they would be as incredibly successful as they are.  Yet, it hasn't been easy for them or anyone else. I think I came into this surgery thinking it was my miracle cure, my magic bullet to a smaller, healthier body.  I knew consciously that this wasn't true - but I think subconsciously I hoped it.  At around 6 months to me this surgery became like another diet, because I figured out that I could still eat many of the old foods that got me in this situation.  Consequently, I let myself slide and I'm now desperately trying to take responsibility for that.  It's so easy to find an excuse as to why I was shoving food in my mouth.  And don't get me wrong, I still believe that I suffer from issues that contribute to my weaknesses around eating and shopping.  But, because of that I'm working on getting myself the mental help that I need to deal with the head side of being overweight.  This is something I would encourage every WLS patient to do, even if all the pysch tests say you're normal, there's a reason that we've eaten ourselves into morbid obesity - it wasn't just a lack of will power. This journey that we are all on will not be accident free.  There will bumps in the road and every day will present choices of how we will choose to treat our body.  I have to remind myself of that every minute of everyday.  I'm slowly trying to replace old habits with healthier ones - like not indulging the second I feel the urge, but by trying distract myself first with water or activity.  It's not easy, but I'm trying. Along with all of that, I've started to change my idea of what I'm trying to accomplish.  I have a goal to lose half of my body weight - it's somewhat an arbitrary goal as my surgeon didn't set one for me.  It will also put me at the high end of my healthy weight - so I'd be okay with it.  However, recently I've been trying to get myself to realize that my body will decide when and where it wants to land.  I may be as successful as Sandie and Linda and exceed my farthest expectations or I may end up being a size 18 for the rest of my life (not there yet).  My point being is that I can't know where my body will land. I can't know what I will deal with in my life that may trigger old bad habits and I can't know just how diligent I will be about sticking to all the basics of WLS.  All I can do is try my very best everyday, make choices and still love myself when the choice I make isn't the healthiest. What I can tell you is that I would have WLS surgery again in a heartbeat.  I ran into a friend of mine that I only see every few months at the Y last night.  He commented that when I first started working out I had the look on my face like I really dreaded being there, but that last night I looked like I actually wanted to be there and work hard at improving myself.  WOW what an eye opener to me - I knew it - but that someone else could see it too.  It was really reaffirming that I had done the right thing and that I have to keep at it. Sorry this has gotten long, I guess I'm learning so much about myself right now and I am really liking who I am becoming because of losing the weight.  This surgery isn't just about losing weight, it's about shedding many years of pain - finally emerging from the cocoon that I have wrapped myself in and that has been enveloped me for so many years! I hope some of this insight helps you, it definitely has helped me to talk about it - so thanks for the opportunity and for letting me babble! Take care and I look forward to meeting you tomorrow AM.  I should be there right after 10:00.

I'm in the process of researching the surgery, too, Kris.  At one of the coffee get togethers, someone told me that, at some point, the balance goes toward having the surgery.  I'm not putting it as elegantly as she did.  But, it really made sense to me.  Just do all the homework and eventually, it will either make sense to have it or not to have it.

Also, another insight I thought was great came from my nutritionist on Tuesday.  She said that, yes, you will still be watching what you eat, etc., after you have the surgery, and maybe you can lose the weight on your own.  BUT, think of the surgery as someone standing behind you and giving you a HUGE boost to help you over a hurdle.  That's what the surgery is.  It's that huge boost helping you get over this hurdle we've been trying to clear for most of our lives.  That really spoke to me.

Lastly, I've made an appointment with a therapist who specializes in weight issues.  I just want to get this monkey off my back for good and am trying to cross every t and dot every i so that when I choose to do the surgery -- or not, I know I'm as well informed as I could possibly be.

Kathy