Advice for the Spouse

Yesterday my husband and I went to my weekly counseling appointment and he expressed that he wasn't really scared about my surgery next week (maybe nervous but not scared) and understood what the surgeon would be doing but he wasn't sure what to expect of how I will be feeling or what he could do for me after surgery. Would any of you have any advice for my husband of what he can expect that first week or any tips on how to help me in this process?  

My first tip would be that he should to absolutely anything you want him to do for you right after surgery!  :-) No, I think he should just be prepared to do lots of  little things for you when you first get home.  My mom was there and it was a huge help.  She brought me my little drinks to keep me on schedule of eating, drinking and encouraged me to move around a little and then rest.  She made sure I had a pillow over my tummy so my pets couldn't jump on my incisions.  She kept laundry done, etc.  For the first week or 2, just ask your husband to keep  you on track with your drinking and meals, and he'll have to do laundry & stuff since you can't lift.  He can heat up your soup for meals, and measure your portions.  He'll be able to handle it for sure.  I started feeling a ton better the 2nd week and was able to do more for myself.   Best wishes to you as you go through this process!

Mine had to help me into and out of the recliner for the first few days. he kept track of what time I was to take my pain meds and would wake me to walk if I was sleeping (which I did alot of due to the pain meds) He brought me more water and kept the kids in line. Kept the house picked up and did the cooking. He even slept in the recliner next to me (it took me almost 2 weeks before I could sleep in our bed) just in case I needed something. even now 3 months out he notices if I'm eating a little fast and will give me a little sqeeze and say honey slow down a little. and he keeps me motiviated at the gym too.

He'll probably feel like he's living with a nutcase!  you'll be going thru so many emotions the whole first month or so. He'll need to help you lay down, get up, layback the recliner, tie your shoes...thats the first week, especially if you are doing open (sorry i didn't check). Mainly, just having patience with you will be the hardest thing for him.  I'm usually pretty tough, but (sorry guys) I acted just like a man after my surgery.  Needy, whiney and moody. Fun, huh!

Thank you

He will need to learn how to go shopping!!!!!  If it wasn't for my wife taking me to sams, MOA,Burnsville center to just walk around I wouldn't be in the best shape I've been in post surgery ever.  Make sure you sip sip sip. Troy

I just learn how really scary my husband was this week and I am 3 weeks today from surgery.

If can have the most positive attitude even when it maybe stressing. Say Thank You a lot to reassure him.

My did have to keep me walking and sipping and yes remind me about the pain meds. ... take them on time!

HE tied my shoes , shopped, was my bedding and clothes. He also made a recovery room with "relaxing green".

He stayed in our room ,, you really need help getting in and out of bed or recliner.

And if you have pets... like Troy said... try and keep them away from you so they don't jump on you.

It will get easier and yes your both going to have some emotional ups and downs. Feel goood... not so goood. that first week.

It really will go fast and you will get more energy each day. Let him be your advocate for your health if you have to rest and get calls or visits . Let him be the guard dog. They get that way anyway soooo enjoy it while it lasts... before you know it back to normal.

Best Wishes and will be sending both prayers and positive energy for your day,

MJ

My advice comes from my unique cir****tances, but the best advice is for him to know what the complications could be, what the signs are, and what to do about them if he sees anything that doesn't seem right. That way he can be watching out for you even if you are being too tough. If my husband had not been knowledgeable about what it meant to have a leak, and how serious it was and important to have surgery, I would not have been flown out. SO, the best defense about stressing, is to know what can go wrong, but more importantly, what to do about it. My husband said that since he knew what was going on, he felt a lot less helpless. Also like others said, make sure he doesn't take anything too personally the first few weeks after surgery, cuz just like after pregnancy, the hormones can be CRAZY. Your body releases estrogen as you loose, so you can be watching puppy commercials and start bawling. Just remind him this too shall pass, and reassure him you will keep him updated on how you are feeling. What a great guy for going with to your appointments, that too can keep him feeling like he is a part of this journey.