Rambling- It's all about head hunger.

So, here it is.  Full winter has arrived, and as the temperature drops, my appetite rises.  I am having some terrible cravings for just about anything and everything that enters my line of vision or wafts into my smell zone.  It's aweful, and I know it's going to get worse as the weekend progresses.  I would just about kill right now for a big ol' cheeseburger.  Or for free reign at a Chinese buffet.  I want all my old comfort foods, though surprisingly, not chocolate.  Probably just jinxed that by saying it out loud.  I know it's all head hunger, and that I have to find ways to distract.  Luckily I already have a ton of homework to start the semester off with, and I will be spending some quality time at the library...  I'm also planning to hit coffee in Hopkins, so that I can meet some more people and get out of the house.  I need to get back to St. Paul group next time around, don't want to keep missing out on those wonderful ladies!  How come none of the weatherpeople are telling me what the weather is going to be like next week?  It's like the world is ending on Sunday night. Had an appt. with my PCP today, and all is well.  I've lost more weight, which is definitely a good thing.  I had to have her sign a release so that I can join the exercise group over at Mercy, and I'm looking forward to getting involved with that.  Granted it's quite a drive, but if I leave right after class on Tuesday, I should get there with plenty of time to make it worth my while.  I did the NIA class last Tuesday, and that was pretty interesting.  I thought I was doing good with the treadmill and the other bits and pieces I keep trying, but NIA showed me that there is a lot of work for me to do in getting my body in shape.  It's only one day a week, but it will give me some variety and I will be able to work with other people like me.  It's good to have a little personal support in the exercise world.  I do wish there was something closer to home, though.  Oh well, we can't have it all.  I'm losing my Images group in the next month or so, but I've got this board, and I've got great support at my surgery center.  I have been having some disturbing food issues this week.  Sunday, Tues, and Wed, I couldnt' keep any food down, well, I did get a few bites of banana in on Tues night.  Talked to my surgeon and we figured it probably wasn't a stricture, could have been a result of eating something too fast on Sunday, and then getting so ill that my pouch became swollen and then I may not have babied it long enough before trying to eat again.  And then I would vomit and try to eat again 8 hours later.  Dumb.  Or, we realized that I hadn't had a BM for about 5 days, and he said that can cause difficulties with eating and keeping food down.  Who'da thunk?  So, he put me on a liquid diet for a day, told me to take some MOM, and try eating after my system had emptied.  Whatever the issue was, it's over now.  I have got to start getting more fiber into my body.  I'm getting tired of having poo issues.  Not that anything has been severe, but all these little annoyances add up.  I'm entering a whole new world as far as weight and body size go.  Right now, I am at the lowest weight I ever remember being.  I don't know what I weighed in high school, but I remember a classmate speculating that I had to be close to 225/250, and I remember being humilitated cause he was right.  Naturally it his speculation was done to humiliate me, so he got what he wanted there.  Anyway, I'm wearing the smallest pants that I own right now, many of my work shirts are hanging loosely on my body, it's almost time to start hitting the thrift stores!  I'm going to have to buy a swimsuit for the end of March, and I'm already kind of freaking cause how will I know what size to get?  Then I realized that summer clothes should be in the stores by then, so I should be able to try some on, rather than order blindly from the internet.  I can imagine that I am going to have some issues with body image and adjusting and all that, I had a bad, bad PMS this last round, so I'm going to talk to my supervising Psychologist about this next month, and maybe look into getting into some regular counseling.  I am honeymooning, though.  Most of the time I'm great.  When certain specific issues, or people, get in my face though, I've noticed that I have a much shorter fuse, and that I feel bolder about making my thoughts known.  I'm not sure yet if this is a good thing or a bad thing.  I don't want to hide anymore, behind my fat or behind my "introversion," (which, by the way, disappeared on the Myers Brigg test this year).  Could be bad though, cause I could alienate people I care about, or even put my job at jeopardy (though that's a whole nother issue I won't go into here).   Oh how I have grown and changed in the past year!  The foundation is the same, but I am a bigger player in my own life.  And happier for it.   That's all.  I just felt like talking about myself for a bit.  I am so into me right now!  And I'm ok with that.     

Christie, I just have to tell you how much I enjoy your point of view and thank you for sharing.  You are wise beyond your years.  Kathy

Aw, you're welcome, and thank you. 

Well I can tell you for  a fact that head/ winter hunger is REAL!! Last year I remember doing just fine and all of a sudden the comfort carbs and such were dominating my thoughts. I posted too I think about it being a real deal and how interesting it was to see that its a real biological need to carb up for the cold months!  ( not being my old 263 mind you) I had enough insulation! But what your fighting is real..... my thought was if I could have my old tummy I would stuff myself with warm pancakes and bacon.  LOL However not possible..... I just plugged along and munched my popcorn and crystal light as a treat. Hang in there.... its hard I know!!! Hugs   

And spaghetti!  I don't even care for spaghetti all that much, but I want it.  I keep reminding myself it's just a few short months till summer and all the benefits that come with that, but it is soo good to know that I am not alone in this.

Christy I really enjoyed this post. and Your sooo not alone. I'm starting to get the hunger feeling back a little and with it the cravings for pizza and as much as I always hated McDonalds a big mac and fries would so rock! LOL but I don't, whenever I've gotten those feelings I'm quick to divert my attention. it's damn hard some days though. Anyway, I just wanted you to know your with company on the winter hunger thing.  Bring on the Spring!!!!!

Thank you, it is good to know that I'm not alone.  The things I'm craving are just bizarre!  I'm thinking I'll have to move to Mexico in order to avoid this next year.

Let me tell you I can't wait until I can have a taco! And hamburgers and pizza and pretty much everything I see on TV. But then I remember not to much longer and there are other ways to enjoy these foods that are healthier. Oh god what I would do for a doughnut. Thanks for sharing with us!

It's like you peeked into my brain and read my thoughts.  I think part of my problem is missing the ability to eat a variety of textures in a meal.  All in good time!

Holy Cats Woman!!  YOU are doing fabulous and are sooooo on top of things!  I am sooo proud of you!  The person who you say was hiden, is a beautiful person!!!  Head hunger stinks and you know I've noticed since reading your post that I have had the "what I would do for a___" thoughts lately!  Keep up the great work!