I feel horrible!!!

So I road the bus in today and I had one of the seats that faced the sideways seats in the front (because I was the first one on the bus -- get more room for all my crap I carry with.  And I always sit on the outside of the seats because I hate being closed in by a person next to me -- which ALWAYS happens.   A "larger" person got on the bus at a very late stop and the only seats left were seats next to someone.  I imagined most others were thinking -- please don't sit here -- under their breathe.  At least that's how I feel.  I offered her my seat so she could be more comfortable (because she was only 1/2 sitting on the seat she had chosen next to me and no one was going to to sit next to me in the empty seat because there were no more bus stops).  She said no she was fine.  Now I feel horrible that I may have offended her when I was only trying to make her comfortable -- I know that before I lost the 4 pants sizes, I used to hate hanging over the edge so I wouldn't crowd the person next to me.  And my back would be killing me by the time I got downtown from not sitting on the seat correctly. CRAP!!!!  What a way to ruin her day -- I feel like I just called attention to her size like she didn't know she was going to uncomfortable any way.  I was quiet about it so only very close proximity people could here (and they weren't thin either) but I feel sooooo bad. What should people do in a situation like this?  I know I felt better when the flight attendant would hand you an extender without asking, and the ride attendants would be nice on rides accomodating my large size.  But I don't know if I, personally, should be trying to do things that are professionally expected versus personally done. Any opinions?   Thanks......

 

Hi Barb!   Please don't beat yourself up over this, your heart was in the right place! If it had been me when I was 122 lbs heaveier I would have thought what a kind person. 

Rose :)

Barb, Don't beat yourself up. I agree with Rose.  You were doing what you thought was right, you weren't loud about it.  You knew how she was feeling because you have been there yourself. Hopefully she feels that you were being kind to her and not trying to hurt her. See ya tonight at pnc.

Barb, There are people in this world that are down right intentionally mean, and that was not the case with you, so go easy on yourself, we've all been there. 

Hi Barb, I would say you did nothing wrong and not to feel bad. It is the old cliche, "you can't please all the people all the time," but when your heart is in the right place then you should feel no remorse. You cannot control how others perceive your intentions. If ever in doubt in the future...then do nothing. You save yourself the guilt trip and the possible counter-productive result you were after.

Well, let me first say that I'm glad you don't feel horrible in a physically ill way, which is what I thought your post was about.  Secondly, you were only trying to be nice, you can't be worried about whether you offended her or not because your intentions were pure.  Besides, maybe she's been on the fence about what to do with her weight and if she was offended, it might be the push she needs to do something about it. What ever she's thinking or feeling, it's HER thoughts and feelings, you can't own them because she's the only person that can make herself or choose not to make herself feel bad - you don't have that kind of power over someone else! You did the right thing!

You, as usual were just being kind and thoughtful. You didn't do anything wrong. Don't be so hard on yourself. Hugs, connie d

Barb, don't beat yourself up!!  You are such a sweet and thoughtful person!!  Look at it this way:  You were the only person that reached out to her!!  You should applaud yourself girl!!!  I AM SO PROUD of you!!!  You have not forgotten where you have came from!  YOU know the uncomfortableness and was trying to help!  YOU probably made her day!  A day that she normally gets the stares, cold shoulder and such and you opened up to her!!!  Love ya!

Thanks gang!!!  I feel better -- well, less guilty.  Thanks for all your support and honest responses!!! XXOO

I think after our surgery we are hyper snesitive to the cause...trying to be extremely PC ...seeing as we are leaving the land of obese. Like we are almost cheating on the other heavy people.... I dunno if that makes any sense. Your too nice to be mean so no worries..probably bothered you more than her. Hugs see ya Saturday!