Ugh...Do I have to??? - Long & rambling - sorry

Tracy: Just keep on going, one foot in front of the other...forward momentum! It is SOOOO hard to do that when we are down, but you have posted here for support (awesome idea!), and you are on your way to a new you. Remember that they operated on our tummies, not our minds, so it is TOTALLY normal to have body distortion rockin' right now....I JUST POSTED YESTERDAY about finally feeling the 132 lb weight loss....just yesterday and I am 11 months out!!! IT IS OK. You are OK. Work your post op program, work your support system, and take it ONE DAY at a time....you can do it! Best, Megan

Tracy, sugar, I love you to pieces.  And I'm SO SORRY you're feeling so messed up right now!  I know you said "call me sometime", and I haven't.  I'm so sorry, I WILL, really soon!   Like this evening, in fact.  I myself have issues with fear of over-estimating my importance to people.  I don't like to shove myself in people's faces, invade their personal space, etc.  And I'm afraid that sometimes it makes me seem like I don't care, which couldn't be further from the truth.  I care about you (and EVERYONE here!) more than you know!  So I will make an effort to reach out to you more, be an ear and/or a shoulder when you need/want one.   Let me point out something from your post that I found quite notable -  I'm cutting and pasting this here: I can find nothing positive in my life (well, except my birds and Alife). Notice anything interesting there?  Like a TYPO or anything?  "I can find nothing positive in my life (well, except my birds and A LIFE)."  Interesting what a difference a space and a little capitalization makes, isn't it?  Your whole LIFE is a positive!  You have not achieved some things you want to yet.  YET.  So let's do the glass is half FULL perspective for a moment.  Get out a pen and paper and write down all the things in your life that ARE good!  It's not easy.... or is it?  You have your beautiful birds, your ever-so-precious Alfie and HIS unconditional love.  You have a WAY better life than you did Pre-op!!!  You're 100 pounds lighter, wearing JEANS, for God's sake!!!  You have met all kinds of really wonderful people as a result of your WLS journey (like - uh.... ME?!), and we all love you and think you're GORGEOUS!  (You can't argue with ALL of us!)  Keep going, take inventory of all the good things. Then, re-look at the not-so-good things.  Yeah, they're still there.  But maybe your perspective will be a little different?  Maybe next to all the not-so-good things, you can think of some ways to turn them around?  Talk to a doc about the depression, see if you can get some "happy pills" (MY politically incorrect term, no offense intended to anyone).  GET THEE TO SUPPORT GROUP (if school doesn't interfere)!!!  You can buy a coffee pot for less than you spend at Starbucks in a week, and some SF creamer - save some money that way.  Finances?  Well, I'm hardly qualified to help you there, trust me, but ask yourself whenever you are leaning towards buying something...  "do I NEED this, or do I WANT this?"  And then act accordingly.   Shoot, girlfriend, I have to run to the chiropractor.  But I WILL be in touch VERY SOON, to give you all the love & butt-kickin' I can! 

((((((((((((((((((((Tracy))))))))))))))))))))))))))))) Hugs to you!  I second everything said thus far.  Besides they've all said it so much more eloquently than I ever could.   I think you're in a bit of a depression and some meds and or therapy would really help you.  I know of a couple people that could help.  Let me know-a couple have experience with people with eating issues. Keep your chin up! I'm a good listener!  I think you have my numbers.....if not let me know! Work is calling... Colleen

I want to urge you to research ADD and see if you can relate to what the professionals say about it.  There is a good book called Driven to Distraction.  If you can relate to the symptoms I suggest being tested for ADD especially if you have an addicted personality like you said sometimes that is an ADD person who hyperfocuses on things.  I'd recommend seeing a psychologist vs your primary doctor about it.  You will probably have to take a test on a computer. Some people with ADD pass the test just fine so continue to talk about your symptoms with who ever you see because ADD is hard to diagnose especially in women.  It can masks its self in the form of depression.  Depression could also be what is causing your problems too you can't concentrate when you feeling down.  I'm currently working full time, going to school (Studying Neuropsychology), have a family and I struggled with ADD and depression so I know how down in the dumps you can get on yourself when your stressed or things aren't the way you want in your life.  I've had this my whole life (its not something that just comes on or just goes away) but my parents (who are psychologists) didn't want me labeled as a ADD child so they never told me.  I thought something was seriously wrong with my brain until I was in my early 20s and finally found out and got on some medication.  Medication helps but doesn't cure it.   You talk about lack of self control well when you have ADD something in your brain doesn't work the way it should and what you call self control is a chemical that we lack. Of course we don't totally lack self control just its harder for us.  You have to teach your brain to work for you differently and its hard to do.  ADD can effect so much of your life that you don't realize so if you ever want more information let me know and I can steer you in the direction. 

wow, just reading the posts, I have tears in my eyes, you can't help but feel you are one loved woman!  I remember seeng you at the first meeting I went to and you impressed me so with your words of wisdom. I had a friend that always tells me "Buff, don't go playing in your head, it's a bad neighborhood up there!"  All that happens positive as well as negative are the thoughts between your ears.  You can do this, and have done this, I don't truly know how to love myself either, but that might be a good discussion thread.  I've heard somewhere along the way that you should mother yourself as you would a child and learn to give yourself love, I for one would be more than willing to investigate this option with you.  I lost my mother at an early age she was(36) so that has always been a missing part of my life.

Tracy, I'm so sorry that you are going through a difficult time.  There's not much more I can say that hasn't been said by everyone else.......you're a very wonderful, beautiful person and you need to see that in yourself.  My thoughts and prayers are with you!! 

 Tracy, be good to yourself and seek the professional help you need.  Sounds trite, but things will surely get better for you! 

"God grant me the serenity to accept the people I cannot change, the courage to change the one I can, and the wisdom to know it's ME."

Hugs galore, Patti

{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{{TRACY}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}}} I haven't been on here much lately (life is getting in the way), and this is the first post I read... You are so wonderful and beautiful and I love you exactly as you are...I don't know what else to say as it has been said so many times before above me...just know that you are loved and we are all here to support you in any way we can.   Feel free to PM me, and if you want to talk, I can PM you my digits! Love ya lots, girlfriend! Laurie J