Just took my last pre-op pics, and they are so depressing.

I don't want to some day regret not keep a thorough picture diary of my transition, so I took a bunch of pre-op pictures this afternoon.  And now I feel just disgusted and want to cry.  It's hard confronting myself with the harsh truth about where I am in life right now.  I know you all understand what I mean about being able to deny the full truth of our situation, and then that one picture, or one stop in front of a mirror, or one step on the scale, or one discussion with your doctor can just knock you on your ass.  It's not like the images reflected back in the pictures should be any big surprise, but in a weird way, they do surprise.  Of course the thought, "How could I let myself get this way," ran over and over through my head.  I know, I know, I've lived the life, done all the reading, been on all the diets, I know it's not that simple, but that doesn't mean I can just stop that thought.  I should have taken these pictures a month ago, when I got the authorization and needed to keep losing weight.  They would have been a great incentive on those moments when food funeral emotions were kicking in.  So there's a tip for all pre-ops, take your before pics as soon as you get auth (as revealing as you can be comfortable with) and keep them handy for moments of weakness.  No, having this surgery is not about how I look, but there is an element of hoping I will develop an improved self-image, and not feel like puking every time I really look in the mirror. I am so thankful that I am getting a chance to make it better.  Thank you God, for making this possible, and for making this my time.  Thank you Dr. Jeff Baker, (and staff of course) for taking my case.  And thank you to all those here on OH and in other parts of my life who are supporting my decision.  I guess that I am getting more emotional as surgery time gets closer.  Quicker to anger, quicker to cry.  More excited and nervous.   

Ah Christi! We have all felt that way with looking at ourselves in photos. It's amazing how it opens our eyes to how big we all got. Don't beat yourself up too much.  Just two little days left until you are a loser!!! Whoo Hoo! Good luck! Lori

thanks, It's just amazing that after all these years, I can still be surprised.

Christi...you are almost there...WOOOHOOO. Hang on a little longer. Taking the pics was a great idea. I have plenty of my own. It is great to look back and see the wonderful changes taking place after this surgery. Don't be so down on yourself......your emotions are running rampant  right now....this is all normal. I was pretty digusted with myself right before surgery too. I was so mad at myself for letting myself get to that point. It will all be behind you really soon. Hugs, connie d

thank you, it helps to hear that others have gone through the same.

Hi Christie~ As hard as it can be to see the 'old' pictures,  think of them as  part of the 'before' chapter of your life. The 'old and ugly' pictures (I call mine that) will be in the past, and they do serve to remind us where we came from.  I sure don't want to ever go back there!! I have some pictures where, at the time, I thought I looked good.  Whoa!  Was I ever in denial. They're pitiful at best. But that's where I was and I'm so thankful to have had the opportunity to get a second chance at a healthier life. Good luck with this next part of your life!  You've got a great attitude, and as you mentioned, you've got a great support system to cheer you on (us!).  God bless~ **SUE**

Thank you Sue!  I have some of those pictures where I almost think I look alright.  but, I guess they do look good when compared to the majority of my pix.  Can't wait to have the ones that really do look good.  can't even wrap my mind around that!

You could sit around beating yourself up about what happened in the past, but it's not worth it. Better to congratulate yourself for the steps you have taken to get healthier by having a major surgery. And the picture thing is so great. I went to a scrapbooking party yesterday, and I put together a 5 month pictorial of before and each month up to now. It was amazing the transformation. Yes, my first pic made me want to cry, but now, when I look at what I have accomplished, not to mention what I look like, I realize it was worth the stress and nervousness and fear that went into decideing to do this surgery. Like they say good things come to those who wait.

Thank you for the much needed pep talk! 

We all sooooooo go through this.  This is part of the "ride" we talk about.   Perfectly normal and we have all had our "moment" of disgust.  Mine was 7-04-2006 when I couldn't get the closure on the Scramble ride shut without a lot of pain to ride with my grandson.  I started another yet failed diet immediately.  When that failed, that image led me to discussion WLS with my doctor (who had suggested me looking into the surgery when I was diagnosed with insulin rejection disease in 6/06).   I look at my pre-op pictures, and even my one month out pictures, and think "OMG" -- who is that?  I don't even look like I did when I looked in the mirror the day before that.  Funny how the mind can be fooled. Only 2 days left and things will go the other way.  When emotional eating or grazing hits, pull the pictures out and remind yourself where you started and how far you want to go. XXOO