How to tell co-workers about surgery...

Hello everyone, I have spoken to my boss in great detail about having open RNY (I am waiting for the final package to be sent to my insurance and am hoping for a June date), and she was AWESOME! She cried with me, laughed with me and vowed to help in any way possible. I can't begin to tell you how hard it was to tell her for fear of her reaction, but it was a huge weight off my shoulders... (no pun intended) She told me when I feel the time is right and I want to share my life-changing decision, it would be up to me... otherwise, my secret is safe with her. Now, the biggest source of my anxiety is with how to tell the staff I work with that I will soon become a shadow of my former self and they will be covering for me for a few weeks while I adjust to my new life. How did you all approach the subject? About two years ago, a lady who used to work at my office had surgery and she did not get a very positive reaction from some members on staff. In fact, two in particular were absolutely rude to her. I realize that not everyone is going to be as loving and supportive as my dear family and closest friends, and those are not the people I need to have in my social circle. Albiet a difficult lession to learn, I also work with these people eight hours a day and we have all known each other for over six years... so these are important relationships. How long did you all wait to say something to co-workers? On my list of things to-do... they are last on my list... but by the sounds of it... my time is almost here! Any advice you can offer is appreciated. I admire each of you so much... we may not have met in person, but I feel so comfortable here. I wish I could express it in words. You are all so amazing! Brandee

The people I work with now, knew me when I first came here. I approached them openly and told them what I was doing, why, and that I'd appreciate their support. Most people were understanding and seemed to be supportive. I got many cards and flowers while in the hospital but the truth of the matter was when I received a phone call from a department co worker (I work with all men in this department) and he was heading over to Meijer and thought of me, and called, wondering if I needed anything. We ended up talking about a half an hour about how work was going without me, how things were doing, and how much I was missed. What I learned is that how I approached people to explain to them differs where you work, and the kind of relationship you have with your co workers. The best possible thing to do is to be honest and know that some people may try (like some people did with me) to talk me out of this. But you need to make up your mind beforehand that "I am doing this for ME AND ONLY ME" and what other people think is not important. You have to be happy with yourself inside and out completely. To tell your co workers anything less would be untrue to your own self. Perhaps do what I did, and just tell them bits and pieces, and let them come to you with questions. DO your homework now so that you are prepared to talk about what life will be like afterwards, more than "aren't you scared about this or that???" Know the material at hand and be a prepared speaker, so to speak. And more than anything else, speak from the heart. All my best Stacey W 310/164/July 19, 2005 Now wearing size 12

Wow Stacey, thank you.... I spent three years talking about surgery with my PCP. And it was in March of 2005 that the light bulb went off in my head and I decided I needed to look out for number one... from that point, it took me until March 2006 to come "out" to my husband that I wanted and needed help. As much as I love my husband and value his concerns and input, I had to make this decision for myself. It was me and God for a whole year. I am going to tell my co-workers once I have surgery date set so that we can work together to arrange work loads. Summer months are somewhat quieter in my office so their extra work should not be too much of a burden with me gone. They are good people... they just tend to sometimes speak without hearing the whole story first. My boss and I have spoken at length about my concerns and she believes that I will be pleasantly surprised at their reaction and support. I am still a bit nervous though considering how some reacted to the former co-worker's surgery. You are so right... bottom line - this is about ME, MY health, MY happiness, MY future... and no one can take my ability to care for myself away. Part of me feels incredibly selfish because I tend to put the needs of others before myself, but on the other hand, I have to admit that it feels darn good to be in control of changing my future. Thank you again, Stacey!! I appreciate the encouragement...

Fortunately for me, my coworkers have been nothing but fantastically supportive. I told them as soon as I had my surgery date (even before my husband) and all of them (5 people) have been wonderful... even poor "W" who had to work EVERY Friday and Saturday night while I was off! He's 19 and you know how important weekends are to young people!!! I can't imagine why anyone would be rude to someone who is having surgery or doing anything else to improve their health... hopefully your coworkers will realize that you will be returning a stronger, healtier YOU! But at the same time, I understand who you are - the one who tends to others first. Thats how I used to be. When I returned to work, everyone was so happy to see ME SO HAPPY they didn't even think about all the sacrifices they had to make during my absence. good luck!

I personally did not say anything to anyone escept my immediate family. My decision was based sole on how family members took it when my cousin supposedly had it done. She was considered "selfish" because she swore my aunt to secretcy (sp?) and would not let my aunt tell other relatives where she was. FYI - my aunt was not in the best of health at that time, so my other relatives were worried about her. I do not work, but I belong to a chapter where many of the members were causing me problems BEFORE I had the surgery - mentally, physically and emotionally. I have not said one word to anyone and although they have noticed my weight loss and have asked about it, I just tell them I now have to watch what I eat - and that's the truth! I finally started telling family members when I was about 5 months out. It came about when another aunt told me that my cousin was gonna have lap band and that she was scared. Mom didn't say a word to her sister, but asked me first if she could say something. I said ok. I have lost almost 82 lbs and had a picture taken of me right before our family reunion to take with them. Needless to say they were all impressed!!

Today I began to notice that some of my co-workers think something is up with me. I have lost about 13 pounds since mid-March when I was sick with pneumonia. Three of the girls today asked if I lost weight... they witnessed me hiking up my pants a few times. They seemed interested, wanted to know what I was doing, etc. I told them DH and I have changed our eating habits, walk every night and are paying more attention to portion control (which we have been). DH is diabetic and understands the importance of diet and exercise... so he makes for a good work-out partner and in-house snack police. Anyway... I also think one of the girls overheard me on the phone with Hurley today. Either way, I think I'll let them squirm a bit until I am assigned a surgery date. I am pretty sure finding out about my WLS will hit them out of left field. Don't get me wrong, we have all bumped heads quite a bit... but when push comes to shove we are a family of sorts... albiet a mildly disfunctional family. I thought about how I will approach the subject when the time comes. I'll have to talk to my boss, but my idea is perhaps at our next staff meeting I may slip in a RNY diagram into one of my presentations and see if anyone picks up on it. Make "light" of the subject to break the ice. I have come to the conclusion that since we have all known each other for over six years, I owe it to them to let them know the path I have chosen since my absence will create more work for some of them. How they choose to deal with it is up to them and not really my problem. That is a bold statement for this girl to make... but this entire process is about me and my health and my decision to improve my life..... Thanks for sharing with me, Rhonda. Each day I find new strength within myself and I owe a lot of that confidence and encouragement to OH friends! Brandee