Non Supportive Friends

A friend of mine has been subtly (okay...not so subtle if I'm noticing) suggesting my decision to have weight loss surgery is not a wise one.  To top it off I get long details of her Weigh****chers group, in additon to how much weight she's personally lost (which made me want to crawl inside a box of Ho-Ho's when she said she lost 19.5 pounds and I had lost....seven).  She's also questioning me with each update I give and questioning my lack of "excitement".

I can't explain it in words, exactly, only that I'm getting the clear impression in my gut/heart she's not supportive of this journey I'm on and I'm feeling like I shouldn't tell her anymore details.

I have a question to pose to anyone who would like to respond:  What did you do...how did you handle friends who were not supportive of your having weight loss surgery?

Sorry if this sounds a bit scattered.  It's been a tough week for a variety of reasons.

Thanks.

FIRST LET ME SAY "Well you know what they say about opinions"

Your doing the best possible thing you can do to make the right decisions research and talking to people who have experienced the WLS.

Most people can lose weight just fine, but the problem arises when we lose 10 and regain that plus a few of its friends. then we do it again and again. until we have a BMI and health issues that say we shouldn't even be here. I cant tell you what to do about your friends opinion, But I can tell you the only one who can tell you what is right for you is YOU. The best way to make that decision is to research and become knowledgeable about all the procedures. You should look through the Q and A  section at the top of the OH page too. Read and  research all you can. Attend a few support groups from your center. Feel free to ask questions.

And when some one says I know so and so who blah blah blah or I heard blah blah blah..... ask them for a method of contacting or reference information to verify what they are telling you. Most of the the time you will get OH I cant seem to remember the this or that and you will know it is just hear say or she said she said stuff.

Thank your friend for her concern and for caring about your well being but explain to her your weight issues are hazardous to your health more so than if you did/do take proactive measures.

I can only tell you that prior to my surgery I was stuck on the couch wondering if I was going to need the fire depatment to cut the walls from my house to get me out.  I didn't lose all the weight I had hoped to yet but I have gotten off the couch and painted the garage. I wouldn't  go back to that existence for anything. WLS saved my life I was dieng form comorbidities!

Well, you can try not talking about the surgery and talking about other interests you may have in common.  I had some mixed reactions from a couple of my closest friends.  One tried to talk me into going on the diet she was on and I said thanks, but no thanks.  I had dragged her to Weigh****chers in the past.  Then, it was kind of a competition, then she offered me some pants that were too big on her because she was losing weight on her "pudding and shake" diet (after I had the surgery, yet - I was very insulted).  Now, she is complimenting how I look.  Sometimes you have to give it some time.  Some people may not get over it and you may lose them as friends.  I guess it depends on what the friendship is based on in the first place.  

Regarding the excitement thing - that is good, this is a huge, life-changing decision - I always wonder about people who are too excited about it.    My surgeon even talked about how some people think they don't have to do any work and this is a magic bullet.  I think it is more realistic to not be super excited, but rather cautiously optomistic that this is an option that can help you lose weight and keep it off.

I appreciate the feed back.  When my doctor asked me if any of my relationships were based on weight, I told him no.  I think I get what he was talking about now.

While some friends are well-meaning and truly concerned, the majority of the "friends" who try to talk you out of WLS, or bad-mouth the surgery, are uninformed and are possibly jealous.  I've heard numerous stories about being the "fat friend"... and when you become slim and healthy, they then wonder how you "fit their mold".  Then they'll see their failures...

Remember - you're doing this for your health.  This is a very personal decision, but unfortunately there are many out there who deem it their right to give you their opinion, unsolicited.

Just bru**** off, hold your head up high and get ready for the ride of your life!

Congratulations on your decision!

People say things, sometimes innocently and other times out of jealousy, ignorance on the topic of bariatric surgery.  Continue to arm yourself with information, so you can be sure and absolute of your decision.   I find that the more I've learned to more confident I have become of my decisions and people's comments seems tolose their sting.  Can still be annoying and sad, because we would like the people in our lives to support us and be happy for us. 
Best of luck to you.

Slap her in her face with a fish.

Okay... so since that probably isnt really an option...
Follow what was said above, and Keep your head up!!!!  YOU are doing this for YOU... not for their approval. 

Head up sister!

My very best friend is a RNY patient and I have a lap band.  She can't eat sugar and I sadly enough can. 

Every opportunity she has she brings me cakes, candies, cookies etc.  I finally said to her "If I were an alcoholic you would be bringing me jugs of rum, wouldn't you?"

She laughed, and I can guarantee that when I see her New Year's Eve she will bring all sorts of goodies that she can't eat and I will eat.

I have learned to make her take things home, or else I throw them away when she leaves.  She may not consciously be trying to sabotage me, but at some level she wants to be the skinny one.

I had a friend who was not quite on board with my decision. she questioned me every step. we were eating buddies so I understood. I tried not to talk about surgery too much. now she has an appointment to see the doc about surgery today....maybe the reservations werent really about me...

What great insight
WOW
I almost forgot about experiencing the same situation.
about 4 yrs before my surgery choice. I met a girl at work who had RNY and I asked her a lot of questions about the surgery. But I did tell her that I considered it before asking. She did not mind answering my questions when she knew I was wondering how it would be if I did it. It took me 4 yrs to get my guts up to ask my PHP for a referral to the BC enter.

So she may just be asking because she is trying to sort her own feeling out about the process, and if she could handle the life style changes.

Hook her up to the OH site and tell her she can join as a friend of your so she can join your support team. then she could research and learn if not your her own benefit but to be there for you. Might help save a friendship!

Maybe your eating buddy is unhappy about her own situation too!