Has anyone dealt with shutting yourself in?
Over the period of a year I have slowly decreased what I do socially. Most of my friends
have given up. My children ask why I don't go out. My youngest said I was lazy. I used to be social. I am divorced for 10 years now and haven't been on a date for 5.
I have made the decision to have surgery for me. I feel like I am dead inside. Has anyone felt like this?
Erin
have given up. My children ask why I don't go out. My youngest said I was lazy. I used to be social. I am divorced for 10 years now and haven't been on a date for 5.
I have made the decision to have surgery for me. I feel like I am dead inside. Has anyone felt like this?
Erin
Erin -
This is a very common problem for morbidly obese people. I think we've all experienced some level of isolation --- some more than others, of course. As you move forward with pursuing weight loss surgery you'll have to make a conscious decision to become more social, to get involved in the bariatric community and get more active in your family's lives. Recognizing that it's a problem and making the decision to do something about it -- that's a huge first step.
The great thing about WLS is that it'll force you to make changes in your life. Not just about the food you eat or the exercise you do - but also about looking at ALL the things in your life and deciding which things you want to keep, improve upon or remove completely. So if you want to be more involved with your children and friends, then NOW is your chance to make those changes. If you want to stop hiding behind your obesity, NOW is the opportunity to make those changes. And a million other things....
This surgery process is definitely about the physical surgery that's performed... but mostly, it's about how we handle the process on an emotional and mental level. I honestly believe that the mental part is a thousand times harder than the physical part. It takes a lot of hard work and determination. But the pay off is SO worth it! You don't need to feel dead inside anymore. You are worth the hard work it'll take to start living again. Weight loss surgery can help you live your life and become the person you want to be. It's an amazing journey and I can't wait to see how you grow and bloom.
I have an essay on my blog about change. It might help: http://pamtremble.blogspot.com/2008/10/will-i-change-after-surgery.html
This is a very common problem for morbidly obese people. I think we've all experienced some level of isolation --- some more than others, of course. As you move forward with pursuing weight loss surgery you'll have to make a conscious decision to become more social, to get involved in the bariatric community and get more active in your family's lives. Recognizing that it's a problem and making the decision to do something about it -- that's a huge first step.
The great thing about WLS is that it'll force you to make changes in your life. Not just about the food you eat or the exercise you do - but also about looking at ALL the things in your life and deciding which things you want to keep, improve upon or remove completely. So if you want to be more involved with your children and friends, then NOW is your chance to make those changes. If you want to stop hiding behind your obesity, NOW is the opportunity to make those changes. And a million other things....
This surgery process is definitely about the physical surgery that's performed... but mostly, it's about how we handle the process on an emotional and mental level. I honestly believe that the mental part is a thousand times harder than the physical part. It takes a lot of hard work and determination. But the pay off is SO worth it! You don't need to feel dead inside anymore. You are worth the hard work it'll take to start living again. Weight loss surgery can help you live your life and become the person you want to be. It's an amazing journey and I can't wait to see how you grow and bloom.
I have an essay on my blog about change. It might help: http://pamtremble.blogspot.com/2008/10/will-i-change-after-surgery.html
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Erin,
I NEVER used to be involved in family gatherings and going out and doing things. I always wanted to stay in and not be seen in public. I totally get where you are coming from. I would let hubby take the kids places and I would stay home. When the in-laws had a gathering (which in the summer was very often) I always stayed behind. They just didn't understand. Now that I have lost over 100 pounds I am very active and go to every family gathering that we can manage to get to. We go camping, we walk uptown to the park with the kids we do so much more. It will change your life for the better, but like it was said the previous post, the mental part of the surgery is definitely the hardest. YOU have to want to change your way of thinking along with the physical changes. You can do it though! You will be amazed at the transformation and so will your family and friends. Best of Luck to you and start making some kind of effort to be involved now so it is easier once you start to drop the weight.
HUGS to YOU,
Shawn - Lap RNY 11/16/06
319/169/185/204 - 5' 7" Starting/Goal/Lowest/Current
Thank you both for your words of wisdom. This site has been so helpful. You begin to think there isn't anyone feels the same way you do then I find all of you folks here.
I used to be against WLS. I was sure that it was the easy way out. This was years ago. I have some to realize it is the way to save your health. It is extremely hard work. I have thought long and hard about my increasing risk factors and what it took to get me to this point. I do not taking making the decision lightly it has been incredibly difficult but it has been the right choice.
I lost my family all in a 3 year period of time along with divorcing. All of a sudden I am alone. So I turned to food for comfort. It was the only thing I know. I am tired of feeling dead. I am tired of putting off people because I don't want to be seen in public. Funny thing for the first time in years I am not looking back. I feel strong in the decision to have surgery. My doctor believes it is the right choice and said he will support me and do whatever I need him to do to make it happen.
I have signed up for the seminar and then I make an appointment at that time with my surgeon.
Bless you both for responding. I appreciate this site and all the people that are here. You all have been a God send.
Erin
I used to be against WLS. I was sure that it was the easy way out. This was years ago. I have some to realize it is the way to save your health. It is extremely hard work. I have thought long and hard about my increasing risk factors and what it took to get me to this point. I do not taking making the decision lightly it has been incredibly difficult but it has been the right choice.
I lost my family all in a 3 year period of time along with divorcing. All of a sudden I am alone. So I turned to food for comfort. It was the only thing I know. I am tired of feeling dead. I am tired of putting off people because I don't want to be seen in public. Funny thing for the first time in years I am not looking back. I feel strong in the decision to have surgery. My doctor believes it is the right choice and said he will support me and do whatever I need him to do to make it happen.
I have signed up for the seminar and then I make an appointment at that time with my surgeon.
Bless you both for responding. I appreciate this site and all the people that are here. You all have been a God send.
Erin
I am right there with you hun... I hate going out in public and I have a permanent mean look on my face. My wife used to ask me early in our marriage why I looked so mad all the time. I said.. "What?" At a young age I learned to repel people like bug spray.. I stay in and I don't go out or have a social life.
But I am trying to change... It is good to read you are also...
But I am trying to change... It is good to read you are also...
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One thing that kept me from wanting to do outside things is that I was afraid of sitting in lawn chairs or folding chairs. Maybe that is part of it for you.
I don't know how long you have battled being over weight, but you say that this shutting yourself in has been a recent development (in the last year). I am no doctor, but as someone who has personal experience with anxiety and depression, it sounds to me like you may be battling these issues as well. Maybe weight loss surgery will fix all that, and maybe it won't.
You may want to begin to work with a counselor now to have a good support system ready to go as you begin this amazing journey in your life.
I am divorced too, and have three children. Having weight loss surgery was the best thing and maybe one of the only things I have ever done just for me. It was so worth it!
Best of luck!
I don't know how long you have battled being over weight, but you say that this shutting yourself in has been a recent development (in the last year). I am no doctor, but as someone who has personal experience with anxiety and depression, it sounds to me like you may be battling these issues as well. Maybe weight loss surgery will fix all that, and maybe it won't.
You may want to begin to work with a counselor now to have a good support system ready to go as you begin this amazing journey in your life.
I am divorced too, and have three children. Having weight loss surgery was the best thing and maybe one of the only things I have ever done just for me. It was so worth it!
Best of luck!
Thanks Julie. Shutting myself in has been a gradual thing. The divorce was 10 years ago
Lost my family to cancer in three years of that time.
I think most of it is I have given up. I have been heavy most of my life. I am a giver and so this process is for me.
I got my insurance approval for the surgical eval. That was the hardest part. I go next Wednesday. I am hoping this will open the door to my self confidence that I once had.
Thank you so much for responding.
Erin
Lost my family to cancer in three years of that time.
I think most of it is I have given up. I have been heavy most of my life. I am a giver and so this process is for me.
I got my insurance approval for the surgical eval. That was the hardest part. I go next Wednesday. I am hoping this will open the door to my self confidence that I once had.
Thank you so much for responding.
Erin
Hey Erin:
You'll notice I'm in Louisiana now, but I started my journey in Michigan, with Dr. Foote.
I was always rather social, but I've become more so since I started this journey. The reason is because I've substituted people for food ... they are my emotional release. Instead of emotional eating, I call people to talk ... makes a big difference.
I was out in the public as part of my job ... I was a sports writer for years ... and I had to deal with the the rude comments, so I just shut them out. But I was in small towns and people knew me, so they also knew if they wanted to get good press, they'd better be nice to me so I didn't get too many nasty comments. But still ... I didn't like how I looked. The nastiest comments I got were from my mom. And so one day I asked her ... "Do you love me less because I'm fat?" She said no, she was just worried about my health. But still ... I felt there was something there, in her voice. She never approved of what I did for a living, the fact I wasn't married, that I took this nontraditional lifestyle (no husband, no kids). The fact I was obese, that made it worse.
I chose to have WLS for me, though, not for my mom, who disapproved of it immediately. She said, "You're going to gain it all back." Ha, I showed her. When I was obese, I, too, felt dead inside. I felt I was dying, slowly ... it is a slow suicide. I still don't go on dates ... I've tried, but you know, I seem to attract perverts and weirdos, so I'd rather not. I'd rather hang with friends. Who needs a man? I've been without one so long, I don't really care anymore. I have some of the best of friends, many I've met through OH. Because I've opened up my heart to the possibilities. And inside of opening my mouth to food, I've let all these wonderful people into my world.
When I lost my job five months ago, I wouldn't have made it through without WLS and these people ... I would have eaten my way through it ... now, I can't say I didn't eat a little, but not like I used to. My friends got me through it, and now I have a new job and a new life in Louisiana.
This will change your life. Take a leap of faith.
You'll notice I'm in Louisiana now, but I started my journey in Michigan, with Dr. Foote.
I was always rather social, but I've become more so since I started this journey. The reason is because I've substituted people for food ... they are my emotional release. Instead of emotional eating, I call people to talk ... makes a big difference.
I was out in the public as part of my job ... I was a sports writer for years ... and I had to deal with the the rude comments, so I just shut them out. But I was in small towns and people knew me, so they also knew if they wanted to get good press, they'd better be nice to me so I didn't get too many nasty comments. But still ... I didn't like how I looked. The nastiest comments I got were from my mom. And so one day I asked her ... "Do you love me less because I'm fat?" She said no, she was just worried about my health. But still ... I felt there was something there, in her voice. She never approved of what I did for a living, the fact I wasn't married, that I took this nontraditional lifestyle (no husband, no kids). The fact I was obese, that made it worse.
I chose to have WLS for me, though, not for my mom, who disapproved of it immediately. She said, "You're going to gain it all back." Ha, I showed her. When I was obese, I, too, felt dead inside. I felt I was dying, slowly ... it is a slow suicide. I still don't go on dates ... I've tried, but you know, I seem to attract perverts and weirdos, so I'd rather not. I'd rather hang with friends. Who needs a man? I've been without one so long, I don't really care anymore. I have some of the best of friends, many I've met through OH. Because I've opened up my heart to the possibilities. And inside of opening my mouth to food, I've let all these wonderful people into my world.
When I lost my job five months ago, I wouldn't have made it through without WLS and these people ... I would have eaten my way through it ... now, I can't say I didn't eat a little, but not like I used to. My friends got me through it, and now I have a new job and a new life in Louisiana.
This will change your life. Take a leap of faith.
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