Tuesday's Talk

Good morning everyone!

Guess I'll start the thread since I have a second while I'm waiting for 125 pages to print here at work :-)  I'm just finishing up my regular coffee with SF Vanaila Caramel creamer & splenda. 

Yesterday was my daughter's birthday.  She's 3 weeks out of surgery and is doing great, down almost 30 lbs including the 2 week liquid diet pre surgery.  My heart was torn about something yesterday which will lead me to the QOTD:  My Ex husband most ALWAYS forgets the kid's birthdays.  First thing out of Katie's mouth yesterday was 'mom if you talk to the boys don't say anything about my b-day, I don't want them saying something to dad because I know he's going to forget.'.  Sure enough, the day came and went and she received no phone call or anthing from him.  Just breaks my heart seeing her because I was married to him for 16 years and he forgot my birthday many times.  I so badly wanted to text him and say 'today is your daughter's b-day, make sure to call her!!!'  But I did that last year and then Katie got mad at me. 

QOTD:  Would you have reminded your ex of your kid's birthdays if you knew it bothered them so much or do you just let it go?  For the past 7 years I usually remind him and now I feel differently.  As much as it hurt my heart to see her sad about her dad forgetting, I think it is HIS job to remember and not mine to remind him each year!!  I just encouraged her to get some counselling because her dad will never change and be the dad she wants him to be.

Sorry this is so long, I guess I needed to vent.

Have a great day everyone.

Nan

Good Morning!

I started out the day with a protein hot chocolate with a splash of coconut sf syrup . . yum yum . . almond joy!

QOTD- Nan . . reading your post made so many emotions come back for me, my ex-husband quit visiting our son when he was 8 years old but continued to pick up our daughter every-other weekend and once a week for dinner . . I think that is why my son is so spoiled I tried to make up for his father.  My ex-husband fell and broke his neck and was in a wheel chair from the time the kids were 3 & 4 years old . . . he would say he didn't know how to be a father to Kevin because he couldn't go "guy" things.  Every holiday, every birthday my heart would ache . . and when you would ask him what he wanted to be when he grew up he would say "I want to be a great Dad" and he is.

Your ex-husband is a big boy and should remember his daughters birthday . . shame on him.

We can call this "venting Tuesday" . . lol

Enjoy the day!

Kristy

Oh Kristy your story brought tears to my eyes as I read it.  Your son obviously has a great role model parent in YOU!  Bless his heart!  When my ex and I divorced, the boys would go to his house but not Katie.  Eventually the boys stopped going too. 

Nan - you did the right thing in reminding him in the past years, but you also did the right thing in granting your daughters' wish that you didn't  contact him this year  You're right, he's not going to change.  I know there are some people that just don't think birthdays are a big deal. 

It always hurts to see your kids hurting because of someone elses' senseless actions.

 

 

Good morning !

I had a good weekend.  Productive for sure!  Still have a bunch of school work left to complete, but it seems much more manageable now.  I also bought a new office chair after spending 6 hours suffering through my 12 year old one on Sunday.  Totally loving the new cushiness.

Had an iced protein chai tea this morning.... then yogurt and strawberries for breakfast... and will do salad with grilled chicken for lunch.  I'm also committed to doing a better job of water and vitamins this week, so that's on the to-do list too.

QOTD -- I don't have an Ex.  But I deal with a similar situation with regard to my parents' birthdays and my neglectful siblings.  I call my brother and sister the morning of my parents birthdays and remind them to at least call and with them a Happy Birthday.  Otherwise they don't bother and then my mom and dad have hurt feelings.

Have a good day all
Pam

Nan,

I agree with the other girls....you did the right thing.  It's so hard when people we love disappoint us, but he is a big boy and should know better.  But really, he is the one missing out, I'm sure you had a great day with your daughter and one day (hopefully) he will regret the time that he lost with his kids.

Vent away honey, we're here for ya,

Edie

Nan
Please Wish your daughter a happy birthday from all of us her extended OH family.

QOTD: He is a selfish pig and needs a swift kick.
It is not your responsibility to remind him of his daughters B-day. He can look at the calender.
I am sorry your daughter had to be disappointed by him.
My friends little boys daddy never remembers him either, his dad never called and was a real absent parent . She would send b-day cards for him until he was legal age then she stopped. My friend told the boy what she had done for those younger yrs. He was awed and taken back, by it, but said to his mom It is OK as I have thought about it and you have always bee MOM and DAD to me any way.
She (your daughter)  is old enough to see him for what he really is. And she probably always suspected he was a neglectful guy any way. There are probably other things that she is counting up and this is just one more tick mark against him, and the way he treats her. She is just not telling you all that is in her mind.

My ex also stopped sending cards and  visiting.  My daughter hasn't seen him in years, and it has definitely affected the way she views men.  I wi**** had been different, but I am glad I never nudged him or even worse, pretended that he sent cards or gifts when he didn't.  Some men just don't realize how important they are in the life of a child-or they don't care.

QOTD: He has issues---he may not remember because its painful, you may not see it or understand it, but its still his issue. Let her know that he just may have a lot on his mind but that is does think about her. Then I would tell him that you are NO longer going to reminding him of anything anymore, that he is a grown man and its time to start acting like one.  That his behavior WILL have negative effects on her and he has no one to blame but himself.  Just be a good mom and support HER---remember he is an ex for a reason...

Just my humble opinion
♥
Christina

Thanks Christina, I hear what you are saying!  I remind her that all the time that he does love her and he may not be the dad she wants him to be but he still is her dad and he will never change.   I only know from going through 3 marraige counselors.  He did not have the best childhood and so unfortunately, he didn't have great role models for parents.