Wednesday's Wamblings
Ok, since I'm in need of a little support, via me venting to you guys, I will start the thread today.
I found out last night my little brother is in Oakland County Jail for his 3rd DUI offense. He is there for 6 months. And while I absolutely don't condone drinking and driving, and I know he needs to be punished, it's still my little bro and I'm just heartbroken. He was too embarrassed to tell me, so he made up a huge story about getting a promotion at work and how it would put him out on the road. He left me a message yesterday that he was leaving for "work" and would talk to me soon. Then his fiance called my dad last night and told him the truth. I'm so worried about him! Now I'm off to work and I don't talk about my personal life there so I'm just going to have to buck up and quit crying and get through the day.
So....the QOTD-is there a family member that has let you down repeatedly? Do you accept it, or try to change them, or just wash your hands of that person? I have always said that I will stick by my immediate family no matter what, and I have. They all have serious issues, but I love them anyway!
Hope you all have a good day, and thanks for letting me vent.
I found out last night my little brother is in Oakland County Jail for his 3rd DUI offense. He is there for 6 months. And while I absolutely don't condone drinking and driving, and I know he needs to be punished, it's still my little bro and I'm just heartbroken. He was too embarrassed to tell me, so he made up a huge story about getting a promotion at work and how it would put him out on the road. He left me a message yesterday that he was leaving for "work" and would talk to me soon. Then his fiance called my dad last night and told him the truth. I'm so worried about him! Now I'm off to work and I don't talk about my personal life there so I'm just going to have to buck up and quit crying and get through the day.
So....the QOTD-is there a family member that has let you down repeatedly? Do you accept it, or try to change them, or just wash your hands of that person? I have always said that I will stick by my immediate family no matter what, and I have. They all have serious issues, but I love them anyway!
Hope you all have a good day, and thanks for letting me vent.
Good morning, Brenda! Sorry to hear about your brother, but glad to know that you and your family are ok. I've been wondering what was going on (i.e. your fb posts).
My brother and sister-in-law confound me some days. My SIL is home-schooling my nephews, but I've yet to see any "schooling" going on whenever I've been there during the day. They have 3 boys (7, 5, and 4). The youngest one barely speaks and the middle one, while he's talking more, it's very hard to understand them. I'm not against home-schooling, at all. I have considered it myself. However, my SIL isn't very consistent with it. She's 24 and going to school, again, for herself (she has started a couple different times, to not follow through). Anyway, my brother seems to go along with it all and I often wonder why the values we grew up with are no longer good enough for his own kids. And his own kids seem to be going 'backwards' not forward. I worry about their longterm viability in the real-world, when they are older. With all of that being said, my nephews are well loved and well behaved. I hope that common-sense prevails, but sometimes my bro and SIL make it hard! I don't know how many times I've had to tell myself, "they are your brother's kids....not yours" and let it go and just love them. Ultimately, they will probably be ok, but my sisters and I sure do worry about them!!!
PS - homeschooling in and of itself is not really the problem...my SIL's followthrough is. My bro is a master mechanic. He works all day and then comes home and does a lot of side work out of his own garage. HE'S A FABULOUS MECHANIC!! Anyway, they have a lot of other weird ideas flailing about...for example....they are talking about putting in an "outhouse". They and the boys would have to use it, but "company" could use the indoor bathroom. And she wonders why she doesn't have many "girl" friends. I could go on and on, but the homeschooling issue hits me the hardest. A lot of it, we have just "let it go". Not worth the family drama.
My brother and sister-in-law confound me some days. My SIL is home-schooling my nephews, but I've yet to see any "schooling" going on whenever I've been there during the day. They have 3 boys (7, 5, and 4). The youngest one barely speaks and the middle one, while he's talking more, it's very hard to understand them. I'm not against home-schooling, at all. I have considered it myself. However, my SIL isn't very consistent with it. She's 24 and going to school, again, for herself (she has started a couple different times, to not follow through). Anyway, my brother seems to go along with it all and I often wonder why the values we grew up with are no longer good enough for his own kids. And his own kids seem to be going 'backwards' not forward. I worry about their longterm viability in the real-world, when they are older. With all of that being said, my nephews are well loved and well behaved. I hope that common-sense prevails, but sometimes my bro and SIL make it hard! I don't know how many times I've had to tell myself, "they are your brother's kids....not yours" and let it go and just love them. Ultimately, they will probably be ok, but my sisters and I sure do worry about them!!!
PS - homeschooling in and of itself is not really the problem...my SIL's followthrough is. My bro is a master mechanic. He works all day and then comes home and does a lot of side work out of his own garage. HE'S A FABULOUS MECHANIC!! Anyway, they have a lot of other weird ideas flailing about...for example....they are talking about putting in an "outhouse". They and the boys would have to use it, but "company" could use the indoor bathroom. And she wonders why she doesn't have many "girl" friends. I could go on and on, but the homeschooling issue hits me the hardest. A lot of it, we have just "let it go". Not worth the family drama.
It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are. ~e.e. cummings |
Thanks for the well-wishes, Tina. I don't want to get too specific on FB, as I have a lot of my brother's friends as friends,etc.
My sis, who has homeschooled her kids for the past 8 years, has decided to send them to school in the Fall. Actually, the kids asked to go, just to see what it was like. I am so scared for the kids, but I know they will be just fine. My niece is 15, and I think it's going to be hardest for her. My sis is very "bohemian" when it comes to school-ie: if you are more awake at 1pm, then you don't have to start schoolwor****il then. You don't have to get dressed if you don't want to, etc.
As for the outhouse....that is just weird. Sorry :P
My sis, who has homeschooled her kids for the past 8 years, has decided to send them to school in the Fall. Actually, the kids asked to go, just to see what it was like. I am so scared for the kids, but I know they will be just fine. My niece is 15, and I think it's going to be hardest for her. My sis is very "bohemian" when it comes to school-ie: if you are more awake at 1pm, then you don't have to start schoolwor****il then. You don't have to get dressed if you don't want to, etc.
As for the outhouse....that is just weird. Sorry :P
I understand about not putting too much info on FB!! You just had me wondering!
I'm pro home-schooling, but I guess being a teacher makes me a bit critical. I know a lot of people that home-school...some very well and some not so good. My aunt and uncle homeschool their kids and they are the weirdest kids ever! Probably has less to do with homeschooling than anything else.
They did send the oldest nephew to school, last fall. She was so paranoid that they were going to give him the flu-shot, even though she signed the waiver for him to NOT get the flu-shot, that she pulled him back out of school. .
I'm pro home-schooling, but I guess being a teacher makes me a bit critical. I know a lot of people that home-school...some very well and some not so good. My aunt and uncle homeschool their kids and they are the weirdest kids ever! Probably has less to do with homeschooling than anything else.
They did send the oldest nephew to school, last fall. She was so paranoid that they were going to give him the flu-shot, even though she signed the waiver for him to NOT get the flu-shot, that she pulled him back out of school. .
It takes courage to grow up and become who you really are. ~e.e. cummings |
Hi Brenda,
I am sorry to hear about your brother. You obviously mean a lot to him, and he must be pretty embarrassed to tell you what really happened. I feel for you, I know it is hard first hand. You have to do whats right for you, and only you know what that is.
QOTD- Yes I have family members (all of my siblings) that let me down repeatedly. Yes I have accepted it and have come to realize that no matter what I say or do to try and help them makes no difference in their lives so I keep my distance. If I run into them at family functions I am cordial but nothing more. I try hard to keep the negativity out of my life. Do I love them? Yes I do but I love myself and my sanity more.
I am sorry to hear about your brother. You obviously mean a lot to him, and he must be pretty embarrassed to tell you what really happened. I feel for you, I know it is hard first hand. You have to do whats right for you, and only you know what that is.
QOTD- Yes I have family members (all of my siblings) that let me down repeatedly. Yes I have accepted it and have come to realize that no matter what I say or do to try and help them makes no difference in their lives so I keep my distance. If I run into them at family functions I am cordial but nothing more. I try hard to keep the negativity out of my life. Do I love them? Yes I do but I love myself and my sanity more.
Brenda
I am sorry that your brother has chosen to put you and your family through this.
I don't want to sound as though I am giving you a lecture. I really just want to give you a different perspective.
The choices your brother has made are his own. By Hiding the fact that he got caught a 3rd time and is now going to prison, his choice was to hide what he has done from you and your family.
This says that he is not willing to take responsibility for his choices. He is ashamed that he got caught, but has not admitted his own part of the problem. Doing so, he is acting selfish, and only considering his own feelings of shame, rather that taking into consideration you, your families, or anyone he has contact with. or their feelings. Let alone the danger he put Innocent unsuspecting by standers driving on the road while he was out there DUI.
I understand that he is your brother, It was very difficult to see my daughters boyfriend suffer the same consequences for the same crime. You feel badly that they are locked up and have to undergo the prison life. I watched my daughter suffer the emotional pain this individual put her through. No one called her to tell her what had transpired. She was just devastated because all of a sudden her BoyF stopped calling the week before Christmas. It was after New Years that his cousin told her on FB that he was incarcerated for 3rd offense DUI.
Ultimately no one should ever Drink and Drive. But when it does happen and people get captured some common sense should apply.
The first time they are captured, it may just be an act of fate. The second time they should be saying to their self that I know what will happen if I am caught a third time, And should make the required changes so it never happens again, Getting caught the third time, says to me that this individual has a problem, One that jeopardized his own life and everyone he/she comes in contact with. And drinking is so important to this person that they have no regards for anyone but their desire to drink. He is your brother make arrangement to visit him in jail and let him know he is not fooling anyone but himself. He needs more help than a prison sentence can give him. It could be worse You could be making funeral arrangements for him because of his poor choice to drink and drive. Maybe going to jail for 6 months will help him make better choices and get the kind of help he needs.
I pray for you and your family, I know this is a trying time. Hopefully it is a blessing in disguise!
I am sorry that your brother has chosen to put you and your family through this.
I don't want to sound as though I am giving you a lecture. I really just want to give you a different perspective.
The choices your brother has made are his own. By Hiding the fact that he got caught a 3rd time and is now going to prison, his choice was to hide what he has done from you and your family.
This says that he is not willing to take responsibility for his choices. He is ashamed that he got caught, but has not admitted his own part of the problem. Doing so, he is acting selfish, and only considering his own feelings of shame, rather that taking into consideration you, your families, or anyone he has contact with. or their feelings. Let alone the danger he put Innocent unsuspecting by standers driving on the road while he was out there DUI.
I understand that he is your brother, It was very difficult to see my daughters boyfriend suffer the same consequences for the same crime. You feel badly that they are locked up and have to undergo the prison life. I watched my daughter suffer the emotional pain this individual put her through. No one called her to tell her what had transpired. She was just devastated because all of a sudden her BoyF stopped calling the week before Christmas. It was after New Years that his cousin told her on FB that he was incarcerated for 3rd offense DUI.
Ultimately no one should ever Drink and Drive. But when it does happen and people get captured some common sense should apply.
The first time they are captured, it may just be an act of fate. The second time they should be saying to their self that I know what will happen if I am caught a third time, And should make the required changes so it never happens again, Getting caught the third time, says to me that this individual has a problem, One that jeopardized his own life and everyone he/she comes in contact with. And drinking is so important to this person that they have no regards for anyone but their desire to drink. He is your brother make arrangement to visit him in jail and let him know he is not fooling anyone but himself. He needs more help than a prison sentence can give him. It could be worse You could be making funeral arrangements for him because of his poor choice to drink and drive. Maybe going to jail for 6 months will help him make better choices and get the kind of help he needs.
I pray for you and your family, I know this is a trying time. Hopefully it is a blessing in disguise!
"When we stop running away from the situation that is scary - that is the moment we discover how strong we really are. So, acknowledge your strength...rejoice in it...and start breathing in life, as the beautiful, strong soul (being) that you truly are." - Rachna Sirtaj.......Love & Peace
Good morning Brenda and everyone.
I am sorry to hear about your brother. I agree with you on the 'sticking by family no matter what' I would do the same. You sound like a very caring and good person. I'm sure your brother is embarassed and didn't want to disappoint you. It will mean a lot to him for you to support and stick by him even though he going through this.
QOTD: As far as an immediate family member no, I don't have anyone who has repeatedly let me down but I was actualy going to vent myself about my ex husband yesterday and decided not to. He would be the person that continues to let me down, not for me obviously, but for my kids. I see the pain and disappointment in my kids because he is so uninvolved. He thinks being a good dad is buying them Christmas presents once a year. They would much rather have him present in their lives. Examples would be he has never gone to state tournaments for their bowling (8 years now), my daughter has had more than several conversations with him about just picking up the phone and calling her once in a while. He always says 'well they know where I live and know they can call me anytime'. My son asked him over a month ago to help him fix this dirtbike and he said 'sure, no problem, I'lll help' and never follows thru.
The latest thing that I was going to vent about yesterday was he told me he will not help pay for my son's jaw surgery, which the out of pocket is $5,200!!
As far as accepting or changing it? Brenda, I was married to him for 16 years and went to 2 different marraige counselor's and nothing ever got better. It finally took one of them saying to me "You are never ever going to change him unless he is willing to change himself so why are you banging your head against the wall trying". That's when I knew I needed to get out :-)
And now, I struggle daily with helping my kids cope with 'that's the way your dad is, you just have to learn to accept him, he will never change'.
Anyways, didn't mean to ramble, I hope things work out for your brother.
Nan
Nan
HW 300 / SW 280 / CW 138 / GW 140
Hit Goal 4/2/2010
IBCAT73
on 4/21/10 12:05 am
on 4/21/10 12:05 am
Gosh Nan, is your ex my step granddaughter's father too? He sure sounds like it. Your phone comment and Christmas comment is the sames as what she gets. But then again she is very happy with our son being married to her mom. As they do a lot of family things together.
Hey how did the bowling tournament go for the boys? My niece son was in it also. I guess he would have been in the13 year old group. Two weeks ago if my memory severs me right he bowled like 179, 183, 217. Gosh I have never bowled a game that high before and I use to bowl once a week! So I was impressed.
Cheryl
Hey how did the bowling tournament go for the boys? My niece son was in it also. I guess he would have been in the13 year old group. Two weeks ago if my memory severs me right he bowled like 179, 183, 217. Gosh I have never bowled a game that high before and I use to bowl once a week! So I was impressed.
Cheryl
IBCAT73
on 4/20/10 11:49 pm
on 4/20/10 11:49 pm
Brenda, my family unfortunately knows first hand what can happen when someone gets behind the wheel of a car while under the influence of alcohol. I'm sorry that you are going though this. Maybe this jail time will be enough for your brother to get his life back on the right track. I hope things work out for him.
QOTD: I too have siblings that have let me down repeatedly. One in particular comes to mind. We have never seen eye to eye for as long as I can remember. Repeatedly I think ok I'm going to try harder next time to make our relationship better. But they seem to be just like a rabid dog or something. As I carefully extend my hand out... BAM when I bring it back they have done chewed it off at the elbow! My hubby says after all these years I might as well give up.
Gees Brenda that felt great to vent!!!!!!!!!!!! You should start QOTD more often! lol lol
Hope you have a great day at work.
Cheryl
QOTD: I too have siblings that have let me down repeatedly. One in particular comes to mind. We have never seen eye to eye for as long as I can remember. Repeatedly I think ok I'm going to try harder next time to make our relationship better. But they seem to be just like a rabid dog or something. As I carefully extend my hand out... BAM when I bring it back they have done chewed it off at the elbow! My hubby says after all these years I might as well give up.
Gees Brenda that felt great to vent!!!!!!!!!!!! You should start QOTD more often! lol lol
Hope you have a great day at work.
Cheryl
Brenda,
I too, understand what you're going through. My siblings never truly let me down. My sister's son is an alcoholic. He knows it, admits it, but doesn't seem to be able to do anything about it. Another example of failed will power, which we all know only too well. He lost his license and hasn't had one for probably close to 10 years now. He had a job and he took the bus to work, but when he got off the bus at night he'd go right to the bar. Then he lost his job and now has lost his house. Fortunately his sister has taken him in to live with her. He has joined a church and really seems to like it, but has not made any progress with his drinking problem. He is actively seeking employment, without success. I don't understand alcoholism but do know several alcoholics. He did try for a while to kick it, but unsuccessfully. I'll stand by him, and love him, but I won't loan him money any more.
Keep standing by your brother, even tho he's making poor choices. In reality, who are we to judge?
Jan
I too, understand what you're going through. My siblings never truly let me down. My sister's son is an alcoholic. He knows it, admits it, but doesn't seem to be able to do anything about it. Another example of failed will power, which we all know only too well. He lost his license and hasn't had one for probably close to 10 years now. He had a job and he took the bus to work, but when he got off the bus at night he'd go right to the bar. Then he lost his job and now has lost his house. Fortunately his sister has taken him in to live with her. He has joined a church and really seems to like it, but has not made any progress with his drinking problem. He is actively seeking employment, without success. I don't understand alcoholism but do know several alcoholics. He did try for a while to kick it, but unsuccessfully. I'll stand by him, and love him, but I won't loan him money any more.
Keep standing by your brother, even tho he's making poor choices. In reality, who are we to judge?
Jan
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