Why have I done this to myself?

You all know me, but under another name.  I  need help.  I am sooooo embarrased.  I have had my surgery and lost 101 pounds, still 52 pounds from my goal but I am now on my way back up.  I know that I eat way to much.  Just munching, not even hungary most of the time.  I was in therapy to see WHY am I doing this to myself but that didnt go so well so I stopped going.  I have tried to find something that I could munch throughout the day thats low in calories and carbs but no luck.  Sometimes I think I eat now more then before my surgery.  I hate myself for what I have done by not even reaching goal and now of my way back up.
Has anyone else done anything even close to this and if so, what are you doing to stop?  I am so embarrased and ashamed of myself, I havnt even told my family but I imagine it wont be to long and they will notice the regain.
Help!

First of all DON'T be embarrassed, losing 101 pounds is an amazing accomplishment!  Be proud of yourslef for that.  Secondly, you are doing the right thing by asking for help and going to therapy.  Recognizing there is a problem is half the battle of fixing the problem.

Can you go back to the basics of protein first followed by veggies and fruits and making sure you are getting in all of your fluids.  Are you tracking your food and exercise?  I know for me personally, I eat out of boredom and am an emotional eater. 

Just try and remember how hard you worked at losing the weight and going through the approval and surgery process!  Try and take control of the situation now before it gets more out of control.  I know in the past, I have lost over 100 pounds four different times, only to gain it back each time!  I always told myself when I got to the lower weight "I will never gain that weight back' but it happened EVERY time!  So I can totaly relate to your frustration.  I always told my self losing 5 or 10 or 20 lbs is so much easier than losing 100 or more, but each time I would watch the scale crawl back upwards and could not mentally stop myself from eating. 

Just know that you have support here and we are all in the same boat. You can do this!  We are here to help.

Nan

I've been there lately and here are several things to think about: 

Are you as unoccupied as I am part of the time?  If I carry a protein bar with me and go do volunteer work, I don't get hungry or think about food.  I have the bar with me, I'm not starving myself.  If I'm in my home, the kitchen keeps calling me.

There is more than one therapist in this world, you might call several surgeon's offices and ask for recommendations. 

More beverages and less food?  I'm waiting for a cup of Bigelow Vanilla Chai to cool enough to sip, and that will keep me occupied for at least 50 minutes (still true to the 30-30 rule).  It's hard to me to really explain the difference my body feels between hunger and thirst.  And I think I'd rather eat than drink far too often, old habit

Are you getting the protein, carb fat mix right?  Hard to get that long-lasting full feeling if the body is craving a nutrient we are leaving out..

Book recommendation.  The Beck Diet Solution Judith S. Beck.  Beck Institute for Cognitive Therapy and Research.  I got it from Amazon, probably in the used book stores by now. It uses Cognitive Therapy, something I see successful in another setting.

Remember, we have a tool that works now.  We don't have to slide down that slippery slope, just act like "normal people" and grab control quickly.

Bounce back can be happening already as well.  Pouches get bigger, intestines get more efficient at pulling calories out of food, metabolism has adjusted for exercise.

And, setting goals pre-surgery is insane!  Our bodies are so very screwy going into surgery that we don't know what is right for us.  We have no idea how a particular weight will feel or look, and choosing a number just sets us up for failure. 

I have to go take my calcium now, I hope this helps us.

I hear ya, it's hard to keep it off.  I've regained about 10 lbs. 

Some of the things that I've tried are: 

I  weigh myself every AM, if the scale moves up, even a lb, I think about what it is I ate yesterday, and try to adjust. 

Have you tried to do something like fitday to "see" exactly what it is your eating each day.  I know when I'm really tracking my intake I loose weight.  I find it to be quite the motivator.

And of course, don't bring the bad food in the house (if you can avoid it).  Keep things like carrots, grapes, apples, yogurt......at your finger tips and easily available.  I eat carbmaster yogurt all the time, I love it as much as ice cream!  Try it with fruit and go lean crunch, I feel like I'm cheating every time I eat it.

Good luck, this is a life long challenge, and we're here for you.

Edie

I know how you feel. I have regained 20 ... some is water retention, but some is not. I am fighting it. I know some of it is emotional eating ... which is why I continue to see a therapist. I know my triggers and still do it. So I go to talk and try to work my issues. I really think we eat to fill an emptiness, a void in our lives. I know I do. Whether that's loneliness, boredom, lack of love, lack of excitement, whatever ... the food fills the void momentarily. It makes us feel good but then it makes us feel bad, too. Doesn't mean we can stop. I know I can't always stop.

A lot of times when I feel this way, I call a friend. When I'm talking, I'm not eating. Don't be ashamed ... you are only human. You are reaching out and looking for help. If you need a friend, I'm here for you.

Don't stop believing in yourself.

 Catch it now before you gain back your 101 pounds, you will thank yourself for that.

At least once a day when I feel like  munching and I'm not even really hungry I drink some kind of warm yummy drink, like a chai tea for example.  It actually satisfies me completely.  Give it a try.  Also try to stay busy, this also helps me.  I find I munch the most when I have nothing else to do.  Are you exercising?  This also helps me.  Finally get the food that tempts you out of the house.  When there is food in the house that tempts me I eat so much more than when it's not here.  Don't give up!  You have come this far and lost 101 pounds!  That's amazing!  You can do this!