To Tell or Not to Tell??

Just wondering how everyone else handled this question . . . .

My immediate family and closest friends know about my upcoming WLS.  However, my in-laws and more distant friends do not.  I know my in-laws would be very critical of my decision and they are not the type to accept my decision without arguing and judging.  I really don't want to deal with that. 

I just don't know how to explain my absence after surgery.  I am very active in my church but won't be doing anything for a couple fo weeks, so I will have to say something.  Don't want to lie but also don't want to be specific. 

Please don't think that I am embarrassed or uncertain about my decision to have WLS.  I honestly feel this is one of the best decisions I have ever made and I am confident in that.  Not everyone else would feel that way, however. 

So tell me ......  What did you tell people about your surgery?

I just did it on a need to know basis. I told a few close friends so they would pray for me and I told some of my family. I had my surgery on a Monday and I was in church the following Sunday. When the weight started falling off and people started noticing and asking questions I told them. As far as your inlaws what does your husband think? Does he think you should tell them? If not don't and tell them after the fact.

Needless to say it's up to you. 

Personally I told everyone, if they were against it I realized they were not my friend (in my opinion).  My real friends and  family were so happy that I was finally going to be able to control my weight and my health.

Let me to tell you what happened to me in one relationship in my life....  We used to have a great relationship with our neighbors.  We usually did something social with them once to twice a month.   When I decided to have surgery she(my neighbor) was the only person against it.  I guess she did not understand the major reason for me doing something so drastic was my health and not to look better that her, but alas, we weren't as good of friends as I thought.  My surgery was over 2 years ago, and they (she) have made it pretty clear that we are not invited.  It's too bad because we get along with the entire family before hand, but she apparently is jealous of me looking as good as her.  Our husbands still talk over the fence, but she barley say****o either of us....personally after 115 lbs down I LOVE waving to them all summer long LOL!!!

Moral to the story, very few of your good friends will be against it.  If they care about you they may ask a question or two, to make sure your safe, but ultimately they will realize you are doing this for your long term health.  None of us did this to look good, we all did it to get healthy.

Good luck,

Edie

Wow, Edie, that really bites!!!   It's sad.  Oh well, at least you found out she wasn't a true friend.


I tell everybody that will listen.  LOL.  I am so excited.  If they don't like it - I move on.  Linda - are you concerned about telling them AFTERWARD?  I mean - after it's done - not a whole lot they can say at that point.    That's too bad that you have to feel that they would judge you.  but there are some crummy people in the world and unfortunately we wind up with them as relatives.  LOL.

I told everyone.  I didn't just go walking into a room and announce it, but if the conversation went that direction, I told people.  Like Edie, I figured if they weren't for it, that was their opinion and so be it.  Now, fortunately, I have a very supportive family, to include my inlaws.  They were all supportive as they had seen my struggles over the years.  I can honestly say, though, that I don't remember anyone reacting negatively to it.  If they disagreed, they didn't tell me.

Thanks to everyone for your feedback.  I guess I just need to "own" this decision for WLS and let everyone know that's what is going on.  That's much better than trying to dodge the issue or do a  pick & choose approach to telling people.  I'm not going to change my mind no matter what people say and I know this is what is best for me. 

Linda I was the same way as far as only telling my close friends and some of my family.  I did not tell my inlaws or others.  Not that I was uncertain of my choices, but that I am a private person and didn't feel that it was anyones business.  I did feel more comfortable sharing with them after I had my surgery.  I still have people coming up to me and asking about my weight loss.  Depending on my mood, and how well I know them,  I may or may not tell them.  Just do whatever it is that you feel comfortable with.  Good Luck to you!!!

I so agree with everyone. You are doing this for you. To make you healthy...Whomever gets on board with you, thats great...if they miss the boat too bad for them. I told anyone and everyone and still do..mainly to have them ask...how are you and to tell them I feel great. And if they say wow..you really look good, I blush, smile and say thank you...Thats just a perk for feeling good...

I was somewhat active in my Daughters of the American Revolution group.  I said I had some health issues(TRUE) that I had to deal with.  When they questioned about my eating I told them I had to be on a restricted diet in order to get btter (TRUE).  If they asked about my weight loss I told them that the doctor was well aware of it (TRUE) and monitoring me and my diet (ALSO TRUE).  This way I did not have to lie to anyone.

You could use the same thing with other famil members and friends until you are actually ready to tell them of your surgery.