TGIF

Good Happy Morning. 

This sure is a loaded question.  As I have started to embark on this journey and have been going to counseling( a requirement of my psyc. eval.) things have started resurfacing.  I have been able to decide that I want to be polite in family events when certain family are present, generally I avoid going near them, and the only time I see them is once every 2 years at a family reunion.  I will probably never have a decent relationship with the family members that have hurt me, since it was such a horrible event.  I do, however, need to be friendly and polite to keep the peace in my family.

Good morning!  Having my coffee this AM and some breakfast in a little while.  Today is my hubby's birthday so his family is coming over this afternoon for a pool party/bbq.  My family is coming on Sunday...too many people to do all at once!   So, I'm just putzing around the house getting stuff ready.

QOTD:  Well, not to sound like Ms. Susie Sunshine but I don't have any issues with any family members.  My family (immediate and extended) get along very well and are pretty close.  We have week-long family reunions every year.  Now, I do have a couple friends here and there that have caused me heartache.  I was upset for a while, but got over it.  Not sure how, but I guess I cherished what I had with them enough to just say, "This too shall pass."  Plus, life has a tendency to put things into perspective for me, so when that happens, I really have to look at what's important and what deserves my attention.  I tend to have a very optimistic outlook and the ability to just let things go that aren't that important in the grand scheme of things.  That's not to say what others may be going through is not important.  I, fortunately, have not had any HUGE issues with any family members to cause distrust and heartache.  

Good morning all -

I'm pissed.  I packed an amazing lunch and snacks today.  Then walked out of the house without the lunch bag.  Dang it!  So I'll be eating out of my snack drawer here at work today and heading out for lunch somewhere.  I hate when I do stupid stuff like this.

QOTD -- I have a family member that I used to look up to, was so proud of her and all she'd accomplished and was somewhat envious of her success.  We were close and did things together.  Then she made some very stupid choices in her life.  Illegal choices.  And things spiraled downward very quickly for her.  She's paying for those poor choices now with a life that she probably doesn't like very much.  Bad financial choices, had a foreclosure and is without a home of her own, loss of a job, married poorly ... but the wake up call never really came, she's still making poor choices.  I have very little respect for her these days and don't try very hard to reach out.  One day she'll come to her senses and maybe we can be friends again.  It does hurt my heart to see her do this to herself, but she's not willing to accept help or advice, so I've decided to just back away for now.  She knows I'm here if needed... but I'm not going to be the to reach out anymore.

So yeah... sometimes you just have to let the other person live their own life and make their own mistakes.  You still love them and still let them know you're there.  One day the relationship might be repaired, but I believe it'll take a lot of work to get beyond the hurt.

Pam

Wow heavy today.  I'm eating scrambled eggs with cheese for breakfast (they sure do get cold quickly!)
Today, more of the same, packing and pitching.  Gary and my brother are going to make a power trip upnorth tonight to drop off yet another load.  When I get up there I'll sure have my hands full with unpacking this stuff and sorting.  Combining two households into one sure isn't an easy task, especially since the one household has most of my Mom's stuff in it.  She passed away in 2002 and those things, even the pots and pans and silverware sure hold a lot of memories.  It's hard to get rid of them.  Going to be a stressful fall.
Since I only have a brother left, I don't have any complaints about family.  Well, maybe a little one.  His wife always wants to do everything with her family and nothing with ours.  She always had an excuse for not attending our family get togethers (she's a nurse so she conveniently always had to work).  I haven't even met my niece's son yet and only met her daughter once.  They are 5 and 3 now.  I wish my brother would have stood up to her and said something like lets have Jan and Gary over to play cards or something.  They have a weird relationship and always have, they vacation separately and do what they each want to do.  it seems to work for them so I guess, who am I to judge?
Gotta get busy packing.
Have a great sunshiney day.
Jan

Morning Everyone... We are just up and about here... I am drinking my tea, working on laundry, watching (listening) to music videos.. and planning on housechores today.. We have an appt at 4 then coming back home to hunker down for the night.

Tomorrow we are heading to my inlaws for dinner but we might head over to Lakeside for awhile to walk around. I am going to avoid Oakland County as much as possible tomorrow.. Just not interested in being in the heat with all of those people.

QOTD: This is an interesting question for me and I am sure this will be long.. I definately have issues with my family. MY family... LOL I was raised by a single mother and my brother is 9 years older than me... so I spent alot of time alone as a kid because Mom was working and my brother was out and about with his friends... hence my eating addiction... I had friends but deep down I needed family. Well as an adult I have remained close to my Mom and brother... and in 2003 my Dad (step) died... and we all became even closer.. even my SIL & DH... well within the last 2 years things have changed with my family. My SIL has shown her true colors and has started to use my Mom for money etc... and I just hate it... She even went as far as calling protective services on my niece.. (oh yeah that is a total other post) and I will not have anything to do with her. Now if it came down to having to have a family gathering and I had to see her I would be cordial because I am an adult and that is how I roll... But otherwise I have nothing to do with her... Now my brother and I did not have any issues for a long time but as of recent... I mean I have a new baby in my home... he has not come to see me or call to check on me. He lives 5 minutes from me if that. So I am just cutting my losses at this point. I do not need to be upset all the time.

I have been in therapy for a couple of years.. dealing with issues about my adoption that failed, eating and family issues... and overall the consensus that I love about it that I have learned is that we need to surround ourselves with people who support us and love us... and we always need to be our authentic self... Do not hold grudges or allow someone's emotions or feelings become yours. Let them own it...

Like I said I could go on and on about my family issues but I know we all only have so much time. I hope what I have learned in therapy can help someone else. I love my therapist and think she has helped me sooo much.

Have a great day everyone

Good morning Danielle,
Just because they are your family, you don't have to be around them.
Both my parents are dead. My step-dad was the wicked/evil Stepfather.
I don't see him at all nor do I seek his approval for anything. I don't need or want him in my life.

Siblings aren't in my life either. Alcoholics and druggies.
I would not choose them to be my friends. Because they are family, doesn't give them the privilege to ruin my life.
So the bank in closed to them.
No more guilt.

I have my own family now that I'm remarried and I even have grand kids.
Don't let any family member pull you down or lay on any guilt.
I no longer enable anyone...took me years of therapy to get that one straight.

Good Afternoon!
I read this earlier and had to think about it for awhile. Hmmmm...
So I came to the conclusion that how can you have a "decent" relationship with someone you can't trust? Trust is the basis for a solid, loving relationship and if it's not there, it's not going to happen.
You can always forgive someone of the past hurts, but that doesn't mean you forget about it and pretend it didn't happen.
You may want to have a relationship, but its a two-way street and even if it is family, sometime the best relationship is no relationship...
We pick our friends, not our families.
Just some thoughts. It's amazing what you can come up with on a bike ride
Deb

Ah, family. Devine law says we have to love them, but we have a choice where liking is concerned. Unfortunately, too many of my family I love, but sure don't like them. I wish them well, but avoid them. My dad and brother thought I was being an idiot for having the surgery, but I did what I had to for me. I do not go to family fights, pardon, "reunions," because I do not feel comfortable attending  drunken orgies mixed with remnants of bad tasting Gordon Food. I have found that I have such a good wife and a few close friends who make life worth it. Good luck on the trust issue. That is always  dangerous ground to make weak. 

Hello,
I saw this post this morning but didn't respond because it's hard for me to relate.  My ex-daughter-in-law is the only one I've really every had a problem with and we have worked it out. I have been blessed to be best friends with my sisters and my brother.  I hang out with my cousins and my niece's and nephew's hang out with my children . . .   weird to say  . . but we are one big happy family and I know that I'm blessed to have that.  Of course there have been little things through out the years but never any big turmoil.

Have a good weekend.

 

I come from a large family.  I have six sibling so, yes there has been up and downs and fussing.  We all get together at my Mom at least 3 times a year.  So some times some are just ignoring others.  I do have a BIL that I can't stand but, hey I don't have to live with him.

It does seem the ones you are closest to can cause the most hurt!