Reality Check

So last night, I am flipping channels, and the new fatploytation show "More to Love" is on.  I pause, just for a mere second.  There is a blonde girl talking to the guy.  In my head, (and maybe even a little out loud) I am thinking "what is wrong with that girl?  Her fat boobs are hanging out of her dress!  She looks gross!  Her back fat is out for the whole world to see!!!"

Then, they flash her name and her stats.  She is exactly the same height and weight as me.  EXACTLY.  I had a total meltdown.  I sobbed to my poor DH that even though I went through this stupid surgery I am still FAT. 

And then, my wonderful DH pointed out that it's all in how you carry your weight.  (So not true, but he's sweet for saying that).  I did feel better when I realized that I would never go on TV and wear a dress that was way too tight for me and have my back fat spill out of it.

Right after surgery, I had that weird body image thing where I still saw myself at 320 lbs.  Now I guess I've changed and can't see how big I really am!!!  Kind of a harsh reality check

Oh honey I feel your pain.. I had a reality check when I saw Biggest Loser last season and saw how much Ron had gained back after surgery and I started freaking out about the weight I have put back on after surgery.

I think that alot of times women do not wear the clothes that fit their body type correctly. I bet if you would have put her in something that was more "appropriate" then it would have looked like she was smaller. Does that make sense?

I agree with DH about the whole it is the way you carry thing.. If someone finds out how much I weigh and then look at me they cannot put the two together... I am like DUH I do weigh that much..

Brenda I know it has been a hard road for you.. I know that this sucks for you since you have put more weight on.. I think of you and hope that in time you can find peace in the things that you have been put through with your weight loss... But you know when I look at your old pictures and look at you now.. I think you look SOOO amazing now... Keep your chin up honey!!! I am here for you.. Vent away and come let us listen to it whenever you want too...

I think at some point all of us have had a reality check when it comes to the weight loss.. I have some rants to that I want to share with other post ops sooo much but I know if I do it here I will rub some people the wrong way.. you know how I am... I am one loud mouth woman ya know!! I commend you for your openness because I could not do it.

Thanks guys.....I love your insight!

You know, every day I wake up and say "I am not going to go on OH.  I am going to quit thinking about losing weight and quit talking to people about how I can't lose weight". And like 5 minutes later I find myself posting.

So here is my summer resolution.  I am going to quit *****ing about being overweight.  I will continue to do what I'm doing in an effort to lose, but I'm not going to dwell on it so much.  You'll have to forgive me if I occasionally advise a newbie to be careful.  Hey, I can't quit cold turkey!!!  LOL

Thanks again for listening and replying.  It helps!!!

He's right, you know.  We all carry our weight differently.  I always carried mine well and people thought I weighed WAY less than I really did.  How we dress makes a huge difference too.  I'm sure the TV producers stuffed these people into those clothes just to make an impression.  If they had dressed them properly, in clothes that fit, the audience may have said "oh, they're not that big"....

I still have the body image thing going too - instead of concentrating on the good points, I seem to focus on the bad ones (saggy "girls", my "shar pei" legs and butt..lumps and bumps...)

(((HUGS))) to you - I hope you're feeling better today! 

Many of those girls were dressed very badly, with way too much skin and rolls showing.  Brenda, you don't look anything like that. 

So many of the ladies were so desperate for love-I couldn't keep watching because it was just too painful to hear how desperate they were for this man-who they didn't know and might end up not even liking-to show them a crumb of affection. I understand feeling this way, but to put this on TV does a disservice to these girls and to fat chicks in general. Sad, sad, sad. 

I was sad watching it too....and not just because of the bad clothes.

It took me a long time to realize that being with ANYONE was not better than being alone.  I have seen so many girls that think just because they weigh more no one would want them, so they put up with crap from any man that will be with them.

How come they don't teach you this kind of stuff when you are young?

I always think that there are two ways of carrying yourself, physically and psychologically. Brenda, I think you carry yourself much better psychologically than most people.
All you see on those reality shows are the physical aspects of weight and never how they carry it in their personality make-up. We only get to see what they choose to edit for TV-like the boobs hanging out and the back flab.
Why do they give height/weight stats out in the first place? The show isn't a weight loss competition.
I chose not to watch it as I think it feeds the public misperception that obese people are incapable of having the same relationships as the skinny people in the other dating reality show.
That's my 2cents
Deb

Deb,

I said that exact thing to my dh.  On the "regular" dating shows they don't put height and weight!  I was appalled that they did that to them.

Edie

Brenda . . . somehow I just know we are more than just cyber friends . . . I'm going through the same thing and have been for some time.   I have never met my goal set by my doctor . . I've gained back weight.  Sometimes it feels like everyday is a struggle for me.  I was not under the impression that this was going to be the "wonder" cure for me but I thought all my problems about my bad body image and how I viewed myself would get better.  I'm glad your DH is there for you . . . I heard about that show but didn'****ch it. . . I wish I would have.
I'm having a hard time right now since my car accident I can't exercise for another month and I'm so scared that I will gain.   

So don't think your ever alone in how your feeling . . .

Hi Brenda-
We've never met in person, so I can't comment on specifically what I think you "look" like (tho from your avi and profile pix, I can see a big difference and think you are beautiful).  But, I wanted to say that since joining OH, you have been increadibly supportive to me, and I always find your posts to be intelligent and inspiring.  You're a beautiful person and I hope you will soon be able to see what others see.  :)


lara