Chickening out...

I am set for my psych eval next week and MDD day on May 6th in preparation for RNY surgery and now find myself chickening out for the 2nd time.  The first time I chickened out I tried losing weight again by myself and started walking for 10 minutes each day and trying to take junk foods out of my diet... after 3 days I was crippled up from walking... I live alone, have no kids, and pretty much no one I can "depend" on for help so I cannot afford to be laid up like that... I am so tired of always being in pain and feeling helpless... I feel like surgery is my only hope.... but am having nightmares about what could go wrong... I am sure I am not the only person who has felt this way... I am wondering if anyone could tell me how they dealt with these fears, before I go an cancel again.  I feel so scared and alone... 

YOU ARE NOT ALONE. I THINK ALL OF US HAVE FELT FEAR BEFORE GOING INTO THE SURGERY. WHAT HELPED ME IS TO THINK ABOUT HOW MUCH BETTER MY HEALTH WOULD BE AND HOW MUCH BETTER I WOULD FEEL LATER ON. ALSO I STUDIED ALOT ABOUT THE PROCEDURE AND MADE SURE MY MIND WAS WHERE IT SHOULD BE BEFORE MAKING MY DECISION. I CAN TELL YOU THAT IT WAS THE BEST DECISION I EVER MADE BESIDES MY DECISION TO MARRY MY HUSBAND!I HAVE LOSS 144 IN 11 MONTHS AND HAVE GOT OFF ALL MY MEDICATIONS,( WHICH WAS ALOT OF MEDICINE) AND I FEEL FANTASTIC NOW. ALSO IF YOU HAVE A LOT OF FAITH, IT HELPS ALOT! GOOD LUCK. GOD BLESS YOU!

You are not alone.  I'd say I question my decision every day.  But I need to do this - for me, for my kids, for my husband....and for my grandkids (when that time comes).  I don't  have anyone I really depend on either.  I have 3 little ones.  We rarely have a sitter. DS is 2 1/2 and has special needs (doesn't walk yet) so I really need help with lifting him post-op. My DH is only taking the time off while I am in the hospital.  I have contacted the neighbor across the street to see if their 10 yr old daughter would be interested in helping me out in the evenings while DH is at work. I have never met the little girl, only met her parents at their garage sale last year.  Is there possibly a neighbor or church/group member you can call on?  You may even be able to post an ad on Craig's List...just a thought. I don't know your situation, but if WLS is something you really want I hope you are able to find some help - and that isn't the only thing standing in your way.   ((hugs)) Gwen

I'd like to encourage you to remember that there is a time when we all feel like we are "chickening out" due to unforseen cir****tances.  I myself had plenty to be concerned about and felt like I was going to be alone throughout my entire process.  But if you make up your mind that this IS what you want, you will succeed.  I also live alone, no kids, and at the time I had WLS, pretty much new in town and felt I also had no one I could depend on.  But, here I am, nearly 3 years later, and I'd do it again in a minute.  It's a mindset.  You need to train your mind that this IS the best option and what YOU want and no matter the cir****tances you will manage somehow.  I began researching over 10 years prior to my WLS.  I had it all figured out.  But for one reason or another, it didn't happen.  My job kept me tied down because of my work and I couldn't take time off for recovery.  Or Insurance wouldn't cover it.  Or something else got in the way.  I said to myself, I'll be darned if I'm going to stop the fight of being MO for the rest of my life. The day I had my pre op tests, my father was diagnosed with cancer that had metasticized into his liver, lungs and kidneys.  He was given 6 months to live.  I was prepared to back out.  They supported me and suggested I proceed.  So, I did.  Although, I knew I had no support from them in person, I did in spirit.  Once I had my surgery, I had a gal that works for the same place take me home, and she stayed with me two days.  Then would occasionally check on me and help fill ice bags, and shop for me.  I was on my own for the entire 5 weeks I was home.  And, in the process, managed to do it and get past the fears.  One day at a time, one step at a time, if this is what I want, then I need to be strong. SO I invite you to take on stepping out of the safety net and take that risk that you are so afraid of.  You can possibly find someone nearby to help you shop, perhaps someone here can, perhaps a family member or friend can stop by or a co worker.  Don't let the fight end because you feel alone.  We were brought into this world alone, now go out there before surgery and find some help and don't be afraid to ask. You can do this.  One day at a time.  One step at a time.  And remember, that this is something you want to fight for, and that will keep you going. I wish you the very best Stacey W

Hey Rose,    If you weren't afraid at all that would be crazy! You are entitled to have feelings, fears; and questions. But when you let unreasonable fear and things hold you back you are only giving yet once again to defeat! Nightmares  are signs of our inner most demons telling us that we will not make it, there won't be a difference, that we are still the same old failures we have always been! Put those demons in there place!! If you want it bad enough it can be yours. You deserve a better life; and you must find the way that is the best for you! If you cancel again you may not get another chance; this may be seen as a sign your not serious, ready or committed enough. Listen to your heart and then think with your head. Make a list to yourself: all the reason's why you want this surgery and what you hope to gain from it; and all the reason's why you don't want to have it! Look at it honestly; which one is more compelling and realistic.     I am not for telling you what to do with your life! I am for anyone living their lives to the fullest of your ability whatever that may be! My sister inlaw was recently diaginosed with ALS (Lou Gerigs) this will paralize her; and eventually lead her to a very nasty death! She has pretty much lived her life being fearful or everything; and unhappy with herself. Now she is only 59; and what has she got to look forward to with this? GRAB ONTO YOUR LIFE FOR ALL THAT IT IS WORTH AND LIVE IT! None of us knows what tomorrow brings! We do not want to look back at what should have, or could have been! If any hope is there in any form be brave, and do what you feel you can to give your life everyday's blessing. Face all you can with courage, hope, and hang onto the best parts of yourself and let the rest go!    I will get off my soapbox! Again I am not telling you to do it. What I am saying is there may not be tomorrow, may not be another chance, don't let fear and regret RULE your life! Do what you want, and don't  let just fear live your life! I will tell you it is the best, but also most frieghtening decision I ever made; I only wish I would have done it sooner.. Missing out on anything in life is missing to much! I will pray for you.  You aren't totally alone there are so many great people here on these OH boards. Hugs, Judy R

If you werent scared Id say that something was wrong with you.  Right up until they gave me the "happy juice" laying there looking at my wife I questioned my surgery.  What your going through is completely normal......  I just kept thinking of the long term aspect of it and knowing it WAS the right thing to do.  Easy thing to do?  Not at all....  But right thing to do?  Most definately! Rosey, your human.......  and what your feeling is COMPLETELY normal.  Make the decision thats right for you bottom line.  Plenty of people right here that would help support you.  Your certainly NOT alone.

Oooh, Oooh, Oooh!  I just LOVE "happy juice".....rrraallly I dooo.  Heck - that's worth the surgery itself!

hi there.... i think no i know what you are going through is normal.... i am 6 weeks post op and can still remember the fears of am i doing the right thing and daily telling myself that my quality of life would only get worse as time wore on me and my body and the weight i had gained..... the fear of not being around was greater than the fear of the possible what if's associated with the surgery... i did everything in my powere to make sure that if that what if came true... my family was prepared and so were my affairs... tis completely gave me piece of mind once i was at the hospital, knowing i had done everything, written my letters, my will etc etc.... laughs i even cleaned my house just in case.. and i mean top to bottom side to side cleaned...... as for the help.... if you are involved in a church ask them... otherwise take advantage of the home health service they offer if your insurance pays for it.... make the decision that is best for you... knowing that fear is a part of it.. :) Kandy

We have all gone through this to some extent.  I can say for myself though, that after much research, I knew it was the right decision and nothing could have changed my mind.  Not even fear.  Was I afraid of complications or even dying?  Of course!  I knew I was going to be miserable the rest of my life if I didn't do something about my weight so the thought of dying almost sounded ok to me but also scared the crap out of me. The idea about making a list of the pros and cons is a great idea.  I think it will really give you a good idea about whether or not you are ready to make this life changing decision. Best of luck to you!