Fear of failure!

Hi Friends,      Alright if you want to give me a hard time just get it over with. Here is where I am at. I feel as if I am in a state of perpetual standstill animation! I can see all of you around me doing so well; and I am being held in a stop loss time warp. I have lost 96 lbs since my RNY in Feb 07. Since about the nine month mark I have not lost anything; I go up and down those same 2-3 lbs like a yo yo. I am exercising; treamill 30-50 min daily, ex bike 10-30 min daily. I have been trying to get my protein in but think it is a real struggle. I could do better on my water intake. I have been fighting some bad habits; (snacking). U have no idea how much I want to get to my goals. I am at 196 now; want to be down to 175 by summer! I figured it out; need to lose up to 2lbs a week.     Am I ALONE? Have any of you ever encountered this? I think if we were all honest we would tell anyone that has not been here; it is harder as time passes you by! So give it 100 percent while you are in your honeymoon phase! How long does it last anyway? I began keeping a log on fit day. I am sincerely working on it! I think my surgeon was new to WLS and inexperianced; therefore it is also my belief that he was to conservative in my surgery? Is that possible?  How can I find out without insulting my DR? I FEAR EVERYDAY OF GAINNING MY WEIGHT BACK! I would rather never eat again than to do that! I don't know how much more disappointment in myself I can take! I am at a breaking point  seriously!     To those of you *****ad this and haven't yet gone to surgery, please don't let this make you think twice! I still would have done it a thousand times over in a heartbeat! I just don't feel there is any support from my Dr. or Nut. What am I doing wrong? I am still healthier than I was a year ago; not many meds now, and no diabetes or high BP.!! I know now anything I lose will have to be a struggle of my own will again! This surgery is so worth it; but when you feel like you have hit the MOTHER of all plateau's where do you go????      Sorry this is my long rant.. Before you flame me, please remember let him without SIN throw the first stone! I am reaching out for help, suggestions, compassion.. Thanks for your time and honesty. Judy R

Judy: I'm not here to flame you, I am, like all of us, are here to support you and lift you up so you can be the BEST success story possible! First, let me put your mind at ease.  Dr. Wagner is VERY experienced.  He has been with Hurley's program since it began and I understand that he did all his surgeries with Dr. Obeid when the program started.  So even if he was inexperienced when he arrived at Hurley, he was training with the best for the last half dozen years or so.   However, you might want to ask Hurley to check your surgical chart and find out some details of your surgery.  Like how much was bypassed (Dr. Farhan bypassed 150cm for me) and how big your pouch was at the time of surgery (mine was 40ml).  Some of those things might put your mind at ease a bit and help you adjust your eating routine accordingly. So let's first talk about support.  When's the last time you were at one of the Hurley support meetings?  Or the informal FABS meeting?  I've been going to both regularly since I had my surgery in November and I don't think I've ever met you.  Maybe we just didn't cross paths?  I personally find that surrounding myself with people who are going through the exact same issues I'm dealing with helps me to forge ahead and do my best to overcome.  And we can get so much great information from our peers about ideas and things that worked for them.  The next Hurley meeting is on April 7th --- look me up (I'll be the person who walks in late at around 6:15 or so).  As for the Nut at Hurley.  Let's just say, I agree.  Wish we had someone who actually had gone through the surgery and really understand what we're dealing with.  So instead, we rely on each other and our own amazing brains to do the research we need to. Dr. Williams is going to be starting another of his 10 week group therapy sessions designed for post-ops who are out about a year and struggling with the weight loss still.  I know I'm a newbie, but wanted to take it anyway.  So glad I did!  It's an amazing class that has helped me a lot to identify my food issues -- issues I didn't even realized I had.  I blogged about it a bit if you want to check out more of what it's about.  Call his office and get on the list for the next class.  810-630-1152 Ok.... snacking.  OH BOY! I know all too well how bad that is and how easy it is to fall into those bad habits again.  I started grazing about a month ago - it's a daily struggle to get my head on straight and stop it.  I think the actual act of acknowledging that its happening out loud helps me be a bit more accountable. Keeping a food log on FitDay also helps a lot.  Also the "Eating Good in the Neighborhood" posts on the Main Forum helps too --- I post everything I've eaten throughout the day on that thread each evening and it helps me stay away from the naughty stuff if I know I have to confess to it later in front of my peers. So it sounds like you're doing great with exercising.  But it's all cardio.  Are you doing any weight training at all?  You know that muscle burns fat even when  you're not working out -- so if you build up your lean muscle mass you'll be burning more calories throughout the day.  This will also help you body to keep your lean muscle mass while you're losing weight so you don't have muscle wasteing.  You might want to try changing up your cardio workout too -- after you do something the same for a while your body adjusts to the activity and it becomes easier for it to adapt.  So try something different for the next 6 weeks that uses different muscle groups, then change again in another 6 weeks.  Also -- check out the FABS website, we'll be starting up the daily walking group again soon so you can join us for some gab time while you work out. The honeymoon period is NOT over.  I was always told it is the first 18 months after surgery.  So you've got more time to take advantage of that window.  And believe me, it's not impossible to keep losing weight after that 18 months.  My mom and sister had surgery 5 and 7 years ago and they are able to lose weight if they put their minds to it.  I also read of others here on OH who took 2 or more years to lose down to their goal.  Oh sure, it's slower now and you have to fight like crazy for every single pound -- but you CAN do it.  Yes, you really can! Keep us updated on your progress.  Let us know what changes you are going to make so we can help keep you accountable to them.  You will succeed!  We have faith in you! Pam

Judy, Girl, you are not alone.  I can't answer as eloquently as Pam (few of us can) but just know that I'm right there with you. All that garbage about "your tool will keep working" and blah blah blah.....it doesn't apply to everyone.  You and I are in that group that have to work extra hard. I'm two years out and haven't lost in a really really really long time.  If I do lose a pound, it's because I exercise my a$$ off and stay hungry for about two weeks. Weight-wise we're the same as well.  My goal is the same as yours.  I saw my NUT this week and she said snack only on fruits and veg (they are "free foods") and bump up my exercise to 6 days a week.  We'll see how that goes. I went ahead and made my plastics appointment even though I would like to lose more weight.  I can't stand this saggy tummy any more!  I am going to try to lose as much as possible before my tummy tuck.  It's been a hard few weeks....I had to ask myself if i am going to be able to accept myself as fat even though I've lost over 100 lbs. So while I can't offer suggestions because I'm having the same problem, I can say that I understand and you're not alone.  I will let you know if changing the exercise routine helps me.   **Edit:  I didn't mean to sound like I was dissing Pam's reply, which I thought was great***

Judy, How many calories are you getting each day?  I wanted so badly to lose this weight, I kept the calories too restricted for too long.  It was really hard to follow the advice and up the calories, but I did, and the weight started coming off. The other thing that I found VERY helpful, I was involved with a group of friends who were trying to lose weight.  They were following other programs, like WW, but we all used Fitday, and we all gave each other our passwords so we could see what each other was doing.  Don't know if that would help you. Marie

Thanks Ladies,     I am just beside myself with frustration; and guess I had to vent. I may have not been getting enough calories; but I fear everyone of them little boogers. My DH has habits of eating and snacking a lot at night; I try to keep it very slight and healthy if at all possible. I am so thankful to know I am not alone! Thanks again for all your advise. I can not do any weight lifting right now; due to a serious neck injury ( 2 bludging disc, and 2 bone spurs). I am in therapy for those. I don't mind exerising at all it actually makes me feel better in a lot of ways! I will do my best to try to make Hurely's meeting next month. I do not like one of Hurley Nut; and they always seem to give me to her! Her favorite saying ( if that make any sense); well I wonder if she has any sense to know what type of encouragement or help we really need! I loved Dr Wagner, he was very nice, professional; and informative. I just wondered if he was more conservative with his surgeries. Anyway I can let that go. I am trying to get about 1000-1200 calories a day! I can burn up to 400 cal in a day with exercise; and that doesn't include my regular activities! It helps to have others keep you real. Thanks again for your help and friendships. Hugs, Judy R

First of all, your water intake and protein are number one!!    I am almost four years out and can still lose when i want to.    I drink a gallon of water a day, and drink at least 80 grams of protein too.   If i snack, its fruits, sf popsicles or fudgesicles.     Also, stay away from the 100 calorie pack snacks.    Another thing, mix up your exercise routine.   As it gets warmer get outside, i find walking outside is way better than the tread mill.   Try something new, like crunches and aerobics.   Believe me, if you stay determined you will win this battle.   Good luck Linda

Thanks Linda,    I am determined to win! I have a lot of reason to win! I  will take your advise; and thank you for your support. Did treadmill & bike today @  48 min treadmill, 20 min. bike. I did them in different ways and at different speeds. I am going back to fitday, and writting it all down; along with journaling. I just really needed to know that I was not alone, and perhaps others are or have been where I am at. In a better frame of mind today.. Greatful Hugs, Judy R

Well Judy I think that we all go through this stage...well I hope so because you are not alone. I am back working and I am finding no time for me....which makes everything harder but I think the first thing you should work on is your water.. I had to start scheduling when I drink my water so I know I get it in. As for your protein I do understand that also..I had to change the kind I was drinking. Give your body the respect it deserves...and just keep trying. I know that is where I am with the weightloss. Either way WE ARE SO PROUD OF YOU....