Complete Failure
Penny,
Please HANG IN THERE! I've been where you're at right now. I haven't had the surgery yet but I went through 3 months of hell at one bariatric clinic and was almost approved before an administrative person at the clinic pulled the rug out from under me. Many obese people are depressed, and having had the complications you've had after all your hard work I know can feel very defeating.
You are not a failure, and it isn't all your fault. I'm not a religious person, but you know something? God doesn't make "junk!" I'm sure there are people out there who love you as you are. You may have had a poor or inexperienced surgeon, or there may be other complicating factors that haven't yet been identified. Several people on this thread have made some excellent suggestions about corrective surgery. So you are not the first to have this sort of trouble. I know it probably sounds trite, but now is not the time to give-up. It's not whether you fall down or not (as we all will), it's whether you get back up again.
My father once told me during one of my depressive / borderline suicidal periods that "you never know what your life could be in 5 years." Throughout my highs and lows I have found that to be very true. Even with my super obesity and all of the health problems and trials I've experienced, I can also look at my life and see the beautiful and wonderful things that are in it. Even if you are struggling with a problem like weight, you can still have a decent life, love, friends, and exciting challenges. For any of us - whether we're waiting for the surgery or struggling with the aftermath, the only thing any of us can do is to keep trying, keep fighting, and keep the faith. After all, you never know what pleasant surprises life can bring you in the next 5 years. And I'll bet there will be many in your future.
Keep the faith sister. My prayers and thoughts are with you.
-- Oscar Wilde
