Confidential?

How many of you have kept your WLS a secret from co-workers or friends? I know this is common for celebrities but what about the average person?

I have a boss that thinks people who undergo WLS are incredibly lazy and looking for an "easy" way out (obviously an ignorant assessment), he has made statements like "it's as simple as pushing yourself away from the table"... I would be hestitant to tell him due to his harsh criticism and judgements. Opinions?

I told everyone I knew about my WLS.  If people didn't agree or understand, I just felt they were uninformed and stupid.  I didn't give a damn if people thought I took "the easy way out".  I did what I did for ME and if anyone at work or home didn't agree, so be it.  I am proud of my decision and don't quite understand those who feel the need to keep it a secret.  Not that I judge people who want to keep it a secret as wrong.  I researched it a lot and once I made my decision, I knew it was right for me.  Anyone who disagreed could go to hell.  Just my thoughts! Jon

As I was preparing for surgery I kept everything a secret and told very few people.  Unitl I got my date most of my family (outside of immediate) did not have a clue.  Let me preface this next statement with the fact that I live in a fairly small town and am a high school band director with a 190 student marching band that performs all over town and have a rather public profile in my job.  On the last day of band camp I told my students I wouldn't be with them on Monday because I was having surgery.  I left it at that, they didn't question and I didn't think much of it.  Well, many of my seniors became extremely worried and concerned.  I had my band parents announce that I had an RNY surgery to my students on Monday (day of my surgery).  I knew full well that by Wed over 1000 people would know what was going on and I'd be the focus of quite a bit of attention when I came back. I'm so glad that I told people! I've lost 50 pounds since surgery, am walking around 3 miles a day, and so much happier and feeling so much healthier.  Everyday I'm getting comments from people on how I'm just 'melting' away.  It's been fun to hear my students come up to me and say 'I'm so proud of you!", hell that's my line to them!!   The reality is we need the help that this surgery provides.  Your boss won't understand at first, but just wait when he sees what it means to you.  I stayed with my parents for the week immediately post op and have talked to them regularly about my recovery process but they are still amazed at how I live now.  A couple of weeks after surgery sit down with your boss for lunch and he'll start to realize that WLS is a complete lifestyle change.   You really can't hide the fact you had surgery (just look at Star Jones).  Do what's comfortable, you will probably find many more people cheering you on than those who aren't.  Good luck! --Sax

I agree that the surgery is something you do for yourself and what other people think "shouldn't" matter, however they do have a way of impacting you with their opinions anyway.  I researched surgery on my own for a year before I called to see about having it done.  From my first phone call to my surgery was 3 weeks in which I only told my immediate family, my mother and two of my oldest friends.  To date those people have told others, but I haven't.  I tend to like my privacy and just like with anything else if you tell someone something personal about yourself they tend to think they now have a right to comment on it, discuss it or make judgements about it.  The beginning of the journey is not just a physical one, but an emotional one learning what you can and can not eat, how to eat it and when.  I was personally very happy that I didn't have a bunch of people watching every bite I took and analyzing it for me.      By law you do not have to tell your boss anything and he allowed to ask either, but if you provide him that information there is no taking it back.  Whether you like it or not that persons misguided opinions on the subject could very well impact his future opinions of your performance and reviews also.

ya know i feel a lot like Jon to a point... but, I also look at it as a non-WLS issue in that if I know a topic opens me up to unwanted criticism and there's no reason to discuss that topic, i avoid it.  Not because i care what other people think, but because i just don't want to give them my time and attention discussing a topic that I know they've already tainted with preconceived bias.  For the most part i'm very very proud of what i've done and i like to talk about it with anyone who will listen... but i'm not going to go up to some a-hole who I know is just looking for an excuse to rip into me and provide that excuse.  no matter what it is.  i just refuse to give them that satisfaction. don't think of it as keeping a secret, think of it as being a good part of your life that you're not willing to share with your boss because he's "not worthy". 

I had researched this for about 10 years previously to having it done.  And when I was going in for pre-ops, my dad was diagnosed with terminal cancer.....and given just a few short months to live.  So I told people I work with (the closer ones) and I'm very fortunate in that they are/were very very supportive.  So much so, my bosses wife had RNY at Barix!  So he knows what its like in some aspect. I didn't mind telling people and I dare double dare someone to tell me "You took the easy way out".....don't even go there. I do not however sit at a dining table with a wls friend and mention it to the waitress or whoever that "we" had bypass and can't eat.............that is THEIR decision and it is a private matter. It is my choice to tell who I tell.  If I see a need to share my story I will.  And if not, then I keep my story to myself. Some people I work with ask many many questions, and they are curious.  I think it's great they want to know. More people in this world should ask questions about it rather than judge us for trying to change our lives. Stacey

Wow-  Thanks everyone. I really value all of your opinions. I am going to keep an eye on this thread and continue to soak in what everyone's thoughts are. Thanks, Kay 

Hi Someone over at VSG board had a great comeback for someone who says it is the easy way out. If a lot of preop tests, anxiety over insurance, presenting yourself for major elective surgery,  hospital time away from my family, big costs (even with insurance), recouperation time spent, liquid diets etc are the EASY way out, then, yes, I guess I did. I would gess he took the easy way out and drove a car to work instead of walking or biking.  Does he get his groceries at the store or does he grow his own veggies and slaughter his own animals for meat? No, oh, he takes the Easy way out! Martha

Hi Friend,    Well you have hit a nerve with a lot of us! Some are proud and non-afraid; others of us are private and not wanting to be subject of others scrutney! I choose to keep mine private; there are far to many people who do not understand WLS! Then there are always those who want to put thier two cents in good or bad! I wanted only to have my privacy; but as I lose my weight it has been more difficult. And I am so tried of people saying this is the easy way out! It is your choice; you have a right to privacy if you wish! Don't let anyone who has not walked in your shoes judge you at all!!! That guy sounds like a total jerk! Then there are those who think we aren't smart enough about what we are going to do to our lives and bodies to tell us all that is evil with WLS; and those are also the ones (family or friends) that will never give you any good feedback or compliments. I have a a very strong battle with all of this, as you may tell from my answers!     I am going to a family wedding in a week; and the speculations are flying like crap! Let them think what they want, I still say NONE OF YOUR D@** BUSINESS! I told everyone I have done it the hard way and that is the truth!! Find what is right for you and stand by your decision! Best wishes, Judy R  P.S. as for surgery; it was hernia operation.. ROTFLO

Your boss is an arrogant jerk!  Let him think what he wants.   You are doing this for YOU, period.    I too am working with some folks who seem to feel the same. And one or two others who are pretending to care but are talking behind my back.  One even goes up to one of my best supportive co-workers when I am not around and wonders how I am ever going to be able to eat steak or burgers again.  I can't help but laugh at the ignorance because, if she cared to know anything about me at all, she would know that I seldom eat red meat for the past several years anyway.   Most eveyone I work with does know because it doesn't matter to me.  But it IS a personal choice and I don't judge anyone for their choice in this.  And if people want to think this is easy - geesh!  We are re-training our selves every minute of every day.

  You don't have to tell your boss a thing.  And if it were me, I wouldn't simply because #1 - someone else will tell him anyway.  #2 - he doesn't deserve that place in your circle of supporters.