Advice from other mom's.

Hiya! While I am excited about surgery coming up soon- Dec 20th or earlier if they can! I am nervous about the impact on my 3 year old. My son is very attached to me, and I'm more worried about leaving him for the 3 days of surgery. My logic is saying this is probably a manisfestation of all other fears crammed together into an outlet that I can think about, but I am worried about the negative impact. My husband will be home with him,but he is a momma's boy. Anyone have advice on how to prep him for me being gone? Jennifer

Dear Jennifer, I'm sorry to say that I am not a Mom, I could never be due to cancer. But, I have many, many close friends who are Moms, and I have had three friends who underwent WLS to be healthier, happier mom's for their children and loved ones besides first and foremost, themselves. All I can offer is what I would tell my 3 year old. "THAT I'M DOING IT FOR MYSELF, AND FOR YOU" "THAT I'M DOING IT SO THAT I CAN BE AROUND TO WATCH YOU GROW UP INTO AN ADULT" THAT I'M DOING THIS SO THAT I CAN BE THE MOM WHO CAN RUN WITH YOU AND PLAY WITH YOU AND MOST IMPORTANTLY, FOLLOW YOU AROUND AS YOU CHASE YOUR DREAMS. Those are the things I would tell YOUR CHILD.....and though he may not nor probably won't understand now, simply let him know that you will be home in a few days and your lives together will be happier than ever before. I hope that this is some help, though I know there are Mom's out there who perhaps have different ideas. I just wanted to lend my ideas. Stacey W

Hello Jennifer, my children were 6 and 5 when I had my procedure. They were a little older so they understood more of what was going on. For a child as young as yours, I would probably talk about how daddy and him are going to have some time together without mommy because she has to stay in the hospital for a couple of days. Your husband can have him visit you during those days but you might want to prepare hiim for what he is going to see. It can be scary to see all the tubes we have coming out of our bodies. I was very honest with my kids but there was an age difference. The one thing that confused my kids was that I came home looking the same. They thought I was going to be an after right away. Actually , my children do not even remember me being heavy and it has been just 10 months. I did leave for one week when my children were 3 and 4. We told them it would be a guys week. My husband planned some fun things to do and I am not so sure they missed me all that much. They did ask whenever a plane went overhead if I was on it. When I called, I always told them when I would be home and I missed and loved them. Also to be good for daddy. Children are resiliant. This can work out to be a real positive time for your family. If he asks why you have to leave, I would say that mommy is having something done to help her stay healthy. As long as you trust your husband as a caretaker for you little man, everything will be fine. I have been out of the home for more days than my husband and my boys are still momma's boys, that just will not go away. Best of luck to you with your upcoming surgery. It will all turn out fine. Positive vibes Megan

Jennifer, My grandsons are like your son, very attached to Mom. I'm sure he will miss you. I hope Dad is ready. I expect there will be lots of "when is Mom coming back" as his sense of time and space is that of a 3 year old. I think I'd tell him Momma will be home after we go to bed 2 nights (or 3 if that's the case). This is how the oldest grandson understood time when Mom was in the hospital having his little brother. Bedtime will probably be the biggest challenge for Dad. Unless your son's exhausted and passes right out, he will probably miss you the most when he lays down and has time to think about the situation. If I were Dad I would agree with him, that I miss Mom too, but that they both need to get a good nights sleep so they can prepare for Mom coming home in a few days (maybe clean house a little, or shop for/make a special card for Mom). If he visits you at the hospital you might want to show him your badages. He understands boo boos and bandages, and will probably accept your being in the hospital because your boo boo will be so big. This should also help him understand why you can't pick him up and he has to be careful with you when you get home. Little kids see themselves as the center of the universe and everything/everyone evolves around them. It is life's situations that slowly teach them to see things from other's prospectives. 3 year olds are sweet/loving folks and he will have to opportunity to feel and express empathy for you, which is a good thing. Good luck, Kate