I am starting to worry

I think that I have hit a point where things are getting pretty bad. At first the weight loss was great, I loved the attention, buying new clothes, and enjoying thing that i havent in a long, long time. There are some major stressors that are going on right now that I unable to elaborate on due to legal reasons, but when all is said and done the end result could involve my husband going away for life (for something that my daughter now is denying) and the state of michigan removing my children from my care. I dont think that will happen because they have to prove that I either abused or neglected my children, but neither has occured. They are just thretening it right now. Then on top of it all, I was going home from work last week and got in a car accident and am currently off of work. I have went from a size 22-24 to a size 6 and these arent tight on me either. I used to be happy about being in a 10 and an 8, but now that I have these new behaviors of REFUSING any more than one meal a day (if that), today I didnt even have that, I fear that I will get really sick. I cant see a shrink or anything because if I do that, protective services DOES have the right to get their hands on my records and this is just another thing that they will use against me. I feel so weak, I go to stand up and I get dizzy have have to squat and put my head down so that I dont pass out. Its almost like every aspect of my life is out of control and this is the only thing that I can control and it is satisfying to do it. I dont know, maybe its just that facing the prospect of what could happen with my kids, I know that I would NEVER survive it, so why even try to do anything healthy? I would appreciate any help that you guys can give me.

First of all, just venting here was a start. It probably feels great to just get those thoughts off your chest. I think first off, you need to see your doctor and/or surgeon regarding your health. It could be something that can be taken care of, Have them run bloodwork for you. Secondly, I know that you cannot go to counseling, but have you thought of going to your minister? Granted, he may not have answers regarding your issues with WLS, but I believe that this may be a step in the right direction. Also, I don't think he can report anything. In the meantime, here's a BIG {{{{HUG}}}} for you!! Keep us informed....

"I have these new behaviors of REFUSING any more than one meal a day (if that), today I didnt even have that, " You've called it a NEW BEHAVIOR!!! So STOP IT!!!!!!! What will your poor children do if they loose thier father (to jail) and loose you (to the GRAVE)??????? I don't usually put things quite so blunt by you've gotta fight for you and for your kids. You seem willing to fight for your kids - why not yourself?? You can not go on eatting one meal (or less) per day! Neither can you just JUMP back into foods either, it'll make you pretty darn sick. Start adding in a protein drink 2 x per day. Don't like the taste of them?? Get USED to it!!! I don't like my medicine either but I take it anyway. Food to you right now will be medicine. Your body is dieing without it!!!! Do you really KNOW that, deep inside of you??? You will die if you continue down this path. I'm NOT flamming you nor am I blamming anyone or thing, you just got to do what you got to do to stay alive!!!!! After you do the drinks for a few days then go to full liquids and progress yourself back to regular foods. I CANT imagine what you're going through in your life right now but you've got to FIGHT for you LIFE!!!! Laurie PS: My favorite protein drink. Desinger Whey Vanilla mixed in with sf hot chocolate. YUM

If your're going to fight this and survive, you need to take care of yourself first. Enough time has gone by for the anger and fear to be put aside and for you to start picking yourself up, dusting yourself off and moving forward. You need to get back to basics. One meal a day will kill you very fast. Not taking your vitamins and calcium will speed that up. Is that what you want? Is this what your kids need? HECK NO!!! Start drinking those protein shakes, get your water in and go talk to your pastor. Children's Services cannot use talking to your pastor against you. They cannot compel them to speak against you in court. You need to be strong not only for you but your kids. Whatever happens to your husband will happen. I know that there have been lots of false accusations of fathers and stepfathers and in our case foster fathers. You need a good lawyer, you need to have the strength to do everything you need to do to fight this and to be there for your kids. Now's the time to start by taking care of yourself. You haven't come this far just to throw it all away. If you give up, just go out and buy yourself a burial plot because you'll be there very quickly and in the meantime, be sure to find your kids a new family to take care of then. I don't mean to be harsh, but you need to face the reality of what really can happen and start to make changes. If you want to talk, please do so under my profile.

IMHO counciling is exactly what you need. If you go to a respected professional to talk about how much this situation is hurting you, then it will only be to your benefit if that information is shared with the authorities. It shows that you are willing to take control over the situation. It sounds like your daughter needs help also, so you could go as a family. When my ex wanted custody of my kids, he tried to use therapy against me, but in court the judge saw it as I was trying to be a good mom and take care of my needs so I could take care of the kids. The person you see could be called to testify, but if you haven't admitted any crime, then the details of your therapy will just seem unimportant to the case at hand. Best of luck to you, try to take care of yourself so you are healthy and strong and this too shall pass. If you don't attend church, then maybe ask a friend that does if they can take you along. Prayer helps with every situation. Brenda

((((((((((((((( HUGS 2 U ))))))))))))))) I totally know what you mean abou them using shirnk visits against you. A couple years ago we were "investigated" because my daughter broke her leg (she was 2). I had recently come out of the hospital for depression and they tried to accuse me of breaking her leg becaue I was depressed... It is definitely a rough thing to do through... plus your additional stuff with your hubby.. I can't even imagine... However, I have to agree with Laurie... if you are concerned for you kids, you need to take care of YOU!!!! Talking to your pastor is a good idea as well (if you have one). YOU need to be healthy, mind, spriit and body to make sure your kids are taken care of... Best wishes and prayers for you during such a difficult time. Shawn M.

Thank you for your responses. In answer to some of your questions, I dont have a pastor, so that is not going to work. I cant just go to any pastor and start rambling either. I dont know if any of you know where Mio, MI is ? But, it is a small town where everybody knows everybody and their business. I am moving in with my parents by Dec first, I already know that is going to cause a problem because my dad is already jumping down my throat about the food issue. It seems as I feel the more he harps on me, the more I just want to NOT eat! You guys are right though, I know that this will kill me. My daughter is ADHD, oppositional defiant disorder, and bipolar. Her and I have been super close ever since I divorced the children's father in 1998. I am very close with my son too, but my daughter does not even get along with anyone else other than my parents. She has been in therapy since she was 5 and she just turned 13. Therapy is not a stranger to this family. She has had 3 suicidal episodes and hospitalized for the last one in November of 2004. I know what she would do if they took her and put her in foster care. I had to pull her out of school last month because kids in school were teasting her so bad about this that is was depressing her even more, and her self esteem was dying, so now she is home schooled and she is doing very well and getting good grades, which is also something that she has never done. I can****ch them take my kids!! Maybe I am trying to self distruct so that I dont have to, I dont know. She already has said that she will kill herself if she has to leave me, and get this.....I am not allowed to talk to her about it according to the court. If she needs to talk about it, the court said she has to talk to her therapist. Isnt that about a crock. I am not letting her talk about it to me though, when she makes comments or has questions, I tell her she has to bring it up in therapy. They said that the kids wouldnt go to family either, they would go to foster care.

Hi Brat 7371, It is hard to respond to your post as you do not have a profile. What I can surmise is six (6) months after WLS you are in a siize 6. What was your BMI at surgery? What is your question? I understand that you are having a lot of issues in your life right now, but how can we help you? Are you having issues with losing too much too soon? Is your dizziness happening often? Please post with any concerns that you have and please give us some history about your profile about why and how you pursued WLS. We want to help you in anyway that we can. Janice