So Frustrated OT

I know this is not about weight loss it is just a person issue but I need to vent and you are all my extended family. We are currently in the process of adopting from China. Our dossier was sent over on 10-26-06. That means that they need to log it in before we are officially on the list for our child. Last month the wait time was increased from 10-12 months to 1-15 months. As of November 1st the wait time has increased to 15-16 months. This means that once we get a log in date we are on the list and that would be our wait time. We are so frustrated right now because the wait times have increased. Some of our paperwork will expire before then so we will have to pay for them to be redone again and we will have to pay to be refingerprinted again. That costs too. It is so emotional for us because we want to be parents more than anything. I am trying hard not to let it get to me but it does. One of the reasons I had the surgery last year was to be healthy for my children, and give them a healthy life. I just hate to think of not traveling until June of 2009. (once we get a referral we have to wait 2 months to travel there) One of the main reasons we picked China was because the wait time was only 10-12 months at the time we started this process back in May. I have found myself wanting to snack more since I have been going through this. I need to learn to make myself active in some other way. With the weather changing it is not as easy to get out to exercise. Thank god for books right?? I just needed to vent about this. It is so hard. I thought my WLS was the hardest thing I had to ever do but this is way worse. Thanks for listening. Suzanne

((((((((((((( Suzanne )))))))))))))) I wish there was something I could say or do to help. I iwish you the best of luck with the adoption and with staying on track with your foods... Take care sweetie... Shawn M.

Suzanne, When we adopted our son from Russia we were basically in the same boat - law changes! It sucks, big time. But it is a foreign country and you have to abide by their rules (even though it is not easy). I don't know about China, but in Russia some of the rules in the individual regions are allowed to 'bend' a bit, even though they have to follow the main laws. Have you thought about changing to another country or region? Our first trip to Russia was Sept/Oct 2004. We were expected to be back 3-4 weeks later (the couple that went before us was back in 2-1/2 weeks to get their child so we were hopeful). We found our son, who was 6 months at the time, we bonded with him, we got to feed him, rock him to sleep, put him in his crib. Imagine our heartbreak when we were told the law changes were to impact us and 'maybe' we would have him by Christmas. Six months later, YES - SIX MONTHS, we returned to Russia to pick him up and bring him home, which was April 2005. It was heartbreaking to know he had doubled in age from the first time we saw him. We were so ready to throw in the towel several times. But the only thing that kept us going was that little face that we kept seeing in the pictures and our memories. You might want to speak to your agency about your situation and thoroughly think things through if you want a child earlier than 2009. If you have your heart set on China, then you have no choice but to abide by their rules. If your heart can go elsewhere...well, you have alot of decisions to make. In the end, the money really doesn't make a difference (I thought the same as you before...going to cost us more for this, more for that....we had to have our Russian Visa issued three times!) Like I said above, it sucks. But what are you to do? You just think of the end results and that is what keeps you going. Michelle

Michelle I am so sorry to hear about the troubles you had. Isnt it amazing the stuff we have to go through to become parents. If only everyone had to go through to see how bad they really want to be parents. We are going to inquire today about the Hong Kong program. There are waiting children there and you wait for only 6-8 months after the referral. We are going to see if we can change to that. We will be talking to the social worker today. Keep us in your prayers for that. Suzanne

Suzanne Good luck with that! I might cost a little more to change the paperwork, but if your heart is not set on China and it gets you a child faster then it really doesn't make a difference once you get that child in your home. Believe me, whenever someone told me....things happen for a reason...the cost won't make a difference in the end....blah, blah, blah.......I WANTED TO SCREAM!!! But it's true, in the end things don't matter. Dealing with foreign countries is difficult. They are so flipflop with their laws and are always changing. As Americans we want things to go our way and want to 'know' things NOW. With a foreign country, as Russia with us...you were lucky to get information. You had to accept that is the way they do things and if it's not what you think or are used to, then tough. It sucks. But you are taking one of their children away from their 'homeland'. We used to think 'we are helping this child by giving them a home and a better life....Russia should be happy about that'. Sure, they are happy that the child will have a better life and a forever family and a happy home. BUT, they would rather it be in their country. Therefore, they don't really make it that easy for international adoption. International adoption is getting harder and harder everyday, atleast what I have seen and heard since we brought our son home. Russia is getting difficult. There are only a few agencies that are accredited right now. So we are glad and thankful we got our son when we did. I know the agency we used is really super slow (if they even have authority to work in Russia right now) and have picked up a Guatemala program. You might want to look into that country also. They have lots of children and some you can get as a newborn. Just keep an open mind about things....especially when dealing with the foreign countries. It's hard, but in the end it is worth it. Feel free to email me about adoption any time! Michelle

Believe me, I know your pain. My husband and I were in your shoes about 11 years ago. We were delayed with the Federal Government shut down and delay in getting passports and my husband was in the service with an ultra high security clearance which the government had to decide if he could go into China. In other words, I have truly been in your shoes. When we finally were able to get our package registered into China, we were told that the wait may be up to 18 months. We were assigned in two months. I am not saying that your case will be the same but it does happen. We also lost our first placement, however, we now have a very bright, active delightful ten year old that runs her parents to death but what a great way to go! I know that nothing I or anyone else can say will make the months pass any easier or quicker but I would be more than happy to be here for you. I remember thinking, " if we just get past this next obstacle, things will go quickly" well I learned that they seem to move any more slowly until you have that first skin to skin contact. From that point on, you cna't imagine how time flies. Please feel free to contact me if you need ANYTHING. I know how much it can help to simply talk out the frustrations with someone who truly can relate. Hang in there. Pam G.

Positive vibes. kp

Suzanne, This must be so incredibly difficult right now, I can't imagine. But, on the bright side, someday you will be holding a beautiful child and having an entire lifetime to love him/her. Then, the wait will all be worth it. It just kills me that there are these children out there waiting for parents to raise and love them, and paperwork delays it all. I'll pray that the waiting time goes by swiftly for you. Debra M.