Thoughts about cancelling TT:

I had some serious thoughts about cancelling my tummy tuck yesterday. Serious thoughts. Still lingering this morning. Why? Because as my Mom and I went to dinner, she accidentally spilled some french onion soup on her lap, and I said, "uh oh, did you just spill some french onion soup in your lap?" (thinking it's hot, it could burn her)...........WELL LET ME TELL YOU THE I went through: 55 MINUTES non stop of lecturing, controlling statements that I have NO ettiquette and how dare I ask her if she had spilled something on her in public and how dare I mention that she needs another glass of wine and how I need to be taught (at 47, see when I was younger, I had NO mother to speak of...now -- she wants to make up for it).....etiquette and manners and how to behave in a public place and while she is doing this.........she is speaking a bit loudly, people are beginning to stare at her, and she is the one making a fool of "Herself" and I sit there just about ready to explode and it went on and on and on and on and on. I realized about 45 minutes into this crap, she was having a breakdown since my father died. See, HE was HER everything. She loved HIM MORE THAN SHE DID ME. She admitted it. I asked. So I pondered............after I've gotten this far.....I can't tolerate her crap when I have surgery. And she cried after dinner and cried after we got home and cried and cried and cried. And then she cried more. And I gave her time to weep, and she apologizede profusely for her actions...........but how do I know it won't happen again??????????????????????? How do I know that while I'm home recovering, she doesn't pull this on me again? I won't be able to handle it. I will crack, and be trapped. Sure, I love her. But she has NO idea what last night did to me, and though I'm willing to forgive her, I can't possibly have her at my home while I have surgery and recover from it. No thanks. So......with that said.....I'm pondering cancelling it all. Pondering. Not quite sure yet what I'm going to do. I knew this would happen. It started out great while we were at Tanger Outlet Mall in Howell, and went on to be great-----Until yesterday. I just don't know that I can handle it again. I just don't know. Thank you for letting me get this out of my system. She has NO idea that how she feels is "similar" to how I felt when I lost her to my stepdad when she married him. I lost a Mother. I really did. And that's sad and BS that NOW she is trying to suddenly make up for it. Just stuck between a rock and a hard place not knowing whether to proceed or not. Stacey W

Stacey, Sorry to hear of what you went through. Your mom finally was able to get through the anger of your father passing. Will it happen again? Who knows. But you need to talk with her of your feelings and how what happened made you feel. This surgery is for you, not her. You can't base your decisions on someone else. You want this surgery. If you cancel, will you have regrets?? This is the question you need to ask. You can always tell your mom that you need to have an agreement before she comes down. That if you need 'time alone', that you will simply ask her and she will leave for a few hours to go shopping or whatever. And tell her that if you ask for 'time alone' then there will be NO QUESTIONS ASKED and NO ARGUING ABOUT IT, PERIOD!! Michelle

Michelle, She's gone through this before, at home, alone, with other people, but to do it to me, in my hometown, out in public, in a place I frequent....and people were staring at US....is totally uncalled for. Yes this is for me but I know how she is. And she has become quite a "THE WORLD OWES ME NOW"..........AND "NO ONE TELLS ME HOW IT'S GOING TO BE" attitude since Dad died. And, quite frankly, I'm tired of how she has been to me all these years. I never had a mom. I grew up with no protection, no guidance, no love-or very little at that, and now suddenly she wants to start all over? HELL NO! Too late. I'm not sure what I'm going to do yet. I will make my decision by the end of this week. I have possibilities out there to pursue this, I just have to check into them. And I'm not sure that she'd agree to anything because I already saw her trying to take control of what I'm going to be eating and that she's going to be planning "MY" meals for "ME" and that's now how it works. So................guess I need to make other arrangements. We'll see. I'm not 100 percent sure yet either way. Just that I do NOT want her with me now. Period. Thanks for your post. Stacey

Stacey, I understand how you feel. My mother is not an easy person to get along with either. I am making a huge understatement here. She is a recovering alcoholic, is depressed most of the time, thinks that everything is always someone elsees fault never hers and so on. I even had a situation like your on the way to the hospital once to have surgery. It made going under the knife so "pleasant". Even though she apoligised the damaged was already done. I needed her help through all of my plastic surgeries and sometimes it wasn't easy but it was definitely worth it. It probably made me heal faster and get on my feet in record time. After my tummy tuck and hernia repair I went back to work part-time in two weeks. Crazy I know but it helped. I don't think you will need her help as much as you think now and it will surprise you on how fast you can go home and be on your own. The first week you are home you will spend a lot of time sleeping anyway and if your sleeping your not interacting with her. I am going to email you my cell phone and you can call me anytime and vent. I truly believe that you will be so happy with your tummy tuck that afterwards you will feel that anything you had to go through was worth the results. Take care, Fran

Dear Fran, What encouraging words I needed to hear. Thanks. I think I need to hear more opinions so I can see just how it might be...and I only have concerns around the trips back and forth to Ypsi, which is 2 and 4 weeks post op. It's already a headache for her because she has company coming in Mid-November and they are "more" important than me. Thanks for the words of encouragement......much appreciated. Stacey W

Stacey - I was released to drive at my 2 week appointment!! So you might be only in need of someone to take you to the 2 week appointment. Is she going to be staying with you the ENTIRE first two weeks??? Girlfriend if you've got ANY other option for some help during that time - TAKE IT!!!!!! It really sounds like your mom is going through her own personal things right now, I don't see where she has anything "positive" to give to anyone else. Love her??? YES, but let her control you - HECK NO!!!!!! I have a horrible controling mother and guess what? She did it as long as I LET her, that's right. We let other people control us, we have the choice!! Once I stood up to her and told her she wasn't going to do this to me again, that was it. She's moved on to my sister (heeheehee) and leaves me alone now!!! You can email me and give me more details about your surgery, I'm a stay at home mom, so perhaps i can plan on taking you to your apts. at least that way you'd be there with someone who's been there and done that!!!!! Hugs, Laurie

DONT CANCEL - DONT CANCEL - DONT CANCEL - DONT CANCEL - DONT CANCEL - DONT CANCEL - DONT CANCEL - DONT CANCEL - DONT CANCEL - DONT CANCEL - DONT CANCEL - DONT CANCEL - DONT CANCEL - DONT CANCEL - DONT CANCEL - DONT CANCEL - DONT CANCEL - DONT CANCEL - DONT CANCEL - DONT CANCEL - YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!! YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!! YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!! YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!! YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!! YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!! YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!! YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!! YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!! YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!! YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!! YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!! YOU CAN DO THIS!!!!! Really Stacey - there will never be a PERFECT time!!! You've worked sooooo hard. You've EARNED this !!!!!!!!!!! Don't let her win by canceling or even postponing !!!! THIS IS YOUR LIFE - DO IT FOR YOU!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Hugs, laurie - it's awesome to be tt'd!!!!!!

Stacy, if you let your mother dictate to you this time on cancelling your TT then you are setting yourself to hear even worse because she knows it works. She will do anything to get her way, no matter what is good for you. You need to realize that you are number 1 and she is number 2, not the other way around.

I dont want to cancel. In my mind. In my heart, I am trying to find other options and I have a couple. I'm in progress of working on them. As for my heart, it is truly broken. It is crushed. I have no feelings today. I'm at work, have been in tears all morning and cannot take the day off as I need the time should I proceed with surgery. Your words are great and I thank you from the bottom of my heart.....I hear you all loud and clear, and will do what I can to make other arrangements -- because I really feel abandoned now, and alone. I feel very alone. Hurting. Crying. This is a terrible thing to put me through 17 days before a surgery that would forever change my life. Stacey

Vee haf vays ov making this work! Your stomach will be pleated! Your mom is a hurting soul right now, but I think she will be able to give you the physical help you need. We will set up a schedule so she can be there just a few days and then I'll come up for a few and then we'll have a lottery. Kevin and Jon and the Stuff Bunny can provide moral and emotional support. And Lizzie-the-cat will make an excellent poultice.