I feel GROSS

I have been throwing myself the BEST PITY PARTY ever! I never knew I could throw a PITY PARTY quite this good. Why can I not be content with my weight loss? Why do I still see myself at fat? Why do I think myself unworthy? Why do I think myself undesirable? Why do I think I'm unattractive? Why am I always starved for attention? WHY WHY WHY WHY WHY !?!?!?!Gurrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrrr I saw someone (a professional) about this stuff last week but to be honest it didn't help at all. I don't think the woman gets it.... I don't understand it.... So I've turned to you my family..... WLS wise I'm a success I'm 5'10 and 145 pounds. I'm physically healthy and have had pretty much no complications.... and now this MENTAL thing... ANYONE? ANYTHING? SOMETHING? ~Erin Felling pretty daym sorry for herself.........

Take a full length picture of yourself and post it on your mirror, your refrigerator and anyplace you look at regularly. This will remind you how good you look and your brain will start believing it. Everyone kept telling me how much weight I'd lost and how much better I was looking but I couldn't see it - untill I saw my picture.

That is soooo right. I couldn't see my weight loss either - even though it's quite obvious. I still saw myself as fat. When I got my 1 year picture taken I bought it on cd and put it on my screen saver!! Not because i'm stuck on myself - but so I could really get a grip on who I am now!!!! It's worked well, and I've quit walking into the fat size part of stores now. I know what size I am - finally!!

YOU"VE GOT MAIL!!!!! laurie

((((((((((((((Erin)))))))))))))))) I mostly know where you are coming from. I have not had my WLS yet, however I feel this way off and on. It is hard to work through, but you need to continue seeing your doctor, and make your family and friends aware of the affermation (sp?) you need regularly. If they love and care for you, they won't have a problem with this. My husband knows that I need this, but he is really really bad and it, and I remind him constantly. Don't feel bad that you need the attention and affermation, just make others around you aware that you do, and surround yourself with those that are willig to help you. Just my two cents and how I deal with it. Good Luck and remember you are beautiful inside and out. Take care of yourself and try and stay positive. Shawn McGeachy.

Dearest Erin, I read your post and began to cry because I know exactly how you feel. I have not had my surgery yet. Mine is on Nov 7th. But I know what you need to do because it is what I had to do when I felt just like you do right now. Go out and and get these two books "you are not what you weight" By Lisa Bevere AND "Captivating", unvailing the mystery of a woman's soul By John and Staci Eldridge. I promise you they will change your life forever on how you view yourself when you look into the mirror. Gone will all of those feelings of inadaquacy and low self esteem. Your heart will mend and God will change you from the inside. I spent 25 years of my life hating how I looked, feeling inferior to everyone. Not good enough for anyone. Not pretty enough, not thin enough, not smart enough...neverENOUGH. i promise you, these books changed me. They will dothe same for you. Now I am going to change the outside to match the inside! yay! Let me know if there is anything else I can do to help. I will be praying for you. God is good ALL the time, Lori

Hi Erin, I still think of myself as a large person. Even though I am of "normal" weight. I was kind of surprised by that. It wasn't until I saw myself on a video that I realized how thin I was. Maybe it's a good thing to keep that fresh in our minds that we were once big people. I wear large shirt and 34-36/33 pants. I have even swapped some clothes with my 16 year old but I still think of myself as a large person. and no matter what I am told I think, "Yeah, right." Even my favorite speedo needed to be replaced with a better fitting (notice I didn't say smaller) one to accommodate my new stealthy physique. I have been getting more to a normal life though. I meet more people every day who don't know me from before and have no idea I had WLS. That is helping me move on. So time is a factor here I believe. If you remember when you started you were probably told that there would be other changes besides the physical. I remember that and didn't believe it then but how true. I mean, I'm still my old lovable, compassionate, warm, sensitive jovial person,,,,, you can stop throwing up now,,,, but I do have a different outlook and introspective than before and I have used it to my advantage. I can see both sides of the fence. I hope you feel better. kp

BTW- You're not gross. You're pretty darn cute if you ask me. kp

Erin , i'm sorry you're feeling this way. Kevin is right, you're hot! Everyone of us go through this, it's not easy to deal with i know. You are a great person, inside and out. You are far from fat, and i don't think you should lose another ounce. I always keep before and after pics up, and like kevin said , keep the videos going too. It is a good thing to remember how fat we really was, that's how i keep myself honest with what i eat. I think you need a day of pampering and shopping. Call me and i'll meet you at Great Lakes! How did the girls night out go? Did you wear what i told you? Hugs Linda

Erin, I relate so much to what you are going through. I have posted this too. I don't know what the deal is, but I feel fatter and uglier now than I did at almost 400lbs! I think it comes back to the fact that when I was fat, it was a protective layer. If people didn't like me I knew why, and I could say " this is the way I am and if you don't like me than F*** you!" Now I don't have that. I feel like if people don't like me now it is because they don't like me! That is a scary thing to wrap my head around. I still feel and see fat. I haven't had my plastics yet and I am hoping that I feel somewhat better after the gut is gone, but I am not holding my breath. I have found that it helps when others say something, or I see old pictures, but it is not the answer. I don't honestly know what is, but you are NOT alone. I am going through the same thing. People tell me I don't need to lose anymore weight, but I feel like I have a ton yet to lose. Realistically I know I only have around 10-15 more to go, because plastics will take 10 or more, but I feel like I should just shrink away to nothing. Maybe we need more time with a support group of people that feel the same way. I haven't found a counselor yet that deals with eating disorders and body image yet. I know I need one as I have dabbled with bulemia. You are not the only one going through this and hey I'd be up for that shopping trip too, just let me know, I could use the support myself! Just you posting this helps me as I have been feeling like the only one dealing with this. Wendy