Bulemia?

well here I am to bare my soul. Please don't fry me, for I am already having issues!!! I have a serious question. Since I have had surgery, there have been times that I have made myself throw up on purpose over feeling guilty about something I ate. I hadn't done it in quite awhile and then I got sick and couldn't eat at all for over a month. When I recovered, I found myself starving and eating things not good for me and I started to make myself vomit again. I came to my senses and haven't in the last two days, but I am also not really eating either just doing protein drinks and a little bit of trail mix. I have been to counseling before and if I can't get this under control I am going back, but I wondered if anyone else has experienced this since wls. I NEVER did this before wls and I was just needing someones advice on it. Any opinion welcome. Wendy

Dearest Wendy, I too have done this and thought, am I bulemic? The answer I don't know. But I do know that I often have to make myself throw up when something doesnt sit right, when food sits heavy on my stoma and hurts. I have had to throw up when I eat something that makes me feel ill, and when I eat something that I just wanted to taste but ate more than I should. So in honesty, I don't think we are bulemic. I think we are still suffering from some guilt over our new found eating habits and we feel that what we have eaten is wrong, and that we need to rid ourselves of it. I feel that I have a strong will but sometimes want to taste. And when I taste, it often leads to eat, then throwing up. It's part of recovery to me, and learning by trial and error. I would not bruise yourself over this because in reality, we all handle things differently, and I feel that way too sometimes. Why did I eat that? You are not alone, and I wanted to share that I go through this sometimes as well. your friend with a TT date SW

Thanks for sharing Stacey. Congrats on the date, let me know if I can help in any way. Wendy

Wendy - although I havent' done this I have a suggestion for you (apart from counceling). Perhaps you should find someone who you trust to be an accountability partner. Someone you can call or email on a daily basis and talk with about what you've eatten (or not eatten) that day. I know that I have different issues then you (I struggle to get enough nutrition out of what I do eat) but it helps me to have someone who I KNOW I'm going to have to tell what I've done this day. (ie: if I'm wasting calories on cheetoos or getting all my protein in) It doesn't have to be a bash session at all. It can be an encouraging session!!!! Hugs to you today, laurie

Laurie, I think that is a good idea. I have been trying to do this with my surgery date group. I am very honest with them and they are very supportive. I do think it will help. I have also decided to go back to see my counselor. Wendy

Wendy.... I was bulimic when I was 17. I worry now that I might be "addicted" yo losing weight... Honestly I think seeing someone is the best advice. Nip it in the butt, if you will. Hey at lest your in tune enough to know acknowledge something is going on. I've concluded for me my food issues have always really been control issues.....Wish I could say more... *hugs* Erin

Thanks Erin. I do think it is a control thing for me now too. I don't ever want to lose control again and I think that fear is the driving force behind all of this. Wendy

Go back to who you were getting help from before on this. That is if they were helping you. No playing games now that you are more sensitive to what you eat/don't eat. You know very well that even the slightest variation in diet/nutrition can have quick and sometimes bad consequences. No screwing around. Go. Now. kp

Decision made, gonna go back. Thanks. Wendy

Hi Wendy, I'm sorry you are having troubles. I will just say, if it were me, I'd go for the counceling...at least see what they have to say. It sounds more than just "trying to get rid of something that doesn't sit right." We all have done that at some time or another, but not on a regular basis. We all have food issues, control issues, willpower issues, or we wouldn't even be on this board talking to each other or have had WLS. Unfortunately, not all things are cured by WLS. I still fight the food urges and demons and eat wrong at times, gain and lose weight....it's still a struggle. A struggle with the inner "me". Bottom line...you don't want to get sick. I'd say go in and talk to someone. It can't hurt and will definately help you feel better. Best of luck to you! Theresa