I need to vent, and it may be a LONG one....

Yesterday, my friend Lynn, Michelle and Michelle's son Scott decided to meet for breakfast at National Coney Island. Mind you, I didn't tell either of them about my weight loss until I was about 3 months post op, and they were shocked. Well, I got a shock myself. After tell them about what was up with my family, I told them I was only FIVE lbs away from my weight when I graduated from high school. Mind you, this has been a hard journey for me in many ways, so yes, I was proud!! Well, Michelle starts to get because my insurance paid for my surgery (and threw in an irk about Medicare) and how she knew a person at work that was bigger than me and didn't get it!! I was as I didn't know what to say and I bit my lip to keep from . At least Lynn did say that I did fight for it. Michelle didn't give me the chance to ask why type of insurance this person had or what they had done to try to get it. I had to tell her that BOTH Medicare and HAP paid for my surgery. I didn't even want to get into plastic surgery and what it MIGHT cover. I guess if she had put it into words that were a bit more understanding, like "Why did your insurance pay for your surgery but my friend's insurance denied her?" I would have been ok with that. My approval for surgery did not come easy, like some others have on this board. I say this in a positive way because I know that every situation is different. I know that every situation is different and the same goes for insurance companies. I did not get jealous because some people were approved ASAP and I was not. I see those that have been denied and were told to try again in six months to a year, and I honestly believe that itself is more !! Gawd, I feel for those people!! I'm afraid to say anything else about my WLS to her or Lynn. Granted, both ladies need to lose weight big time, but I have NEVER told them that WLS was the answer - in fact, when I told them in December 2005 that I had the surgery, it was a last resort, and if anything I would tell a person to do Weigh****cher's before doing this. I knew that my life would be very different when I had the surgery and it is a decision that I made and I have yet to regret it. I wish I knew what to say - in some ways I want to say it was Michelle who tried for the surgery and was denied. I really don't know, and after that conservation, I wasn't about to ask!! I had a hard time last night because of this....I just don't know what to do!!

Rhonda i know exactly how you feel. The person who i thought was my best friend, who actually lives right next door, turned jealous when i got five pounds from her weight. Mind you, she has been with me throughout this whole journey, even the insurance appeals. I'm sure it probably was michelle who had been denied, and i'm sure they won't be your friend much longer. You don't need them, do like me and find new friends who like you for who you are. You have no reason to be scared to talk about your wls to anyone, it was your choice and your body. If they truely were friends they'd be happy for you and not be asses about it. The bottom line is they are jealous, so be proud. Hugs Linda

I will tell you that I have been friends with Lynn and Michelle since I was in 4th grade, so throwing away a friendship would be kind of hard as there are so many years invested in it. If Michelle has allowed me to speak, I probably could have found out about this person's insurance, found out an answer, and gotten back to her. Besides, I have heard of exclusions of WLS but some people have managed to get it or switch insurances! At least Lynn said that at least I fought for my WLS. Many years ago Lynn also told Michelle that she would not stand up in her wedding because she had decided on her two future sister-in-laws over me. FYI - the marriage ended in divorce and her ex married on of the bridesmaids!! Both are under 5'2" and have to go at least 250 lbs or more....I would never say 'hey, you need to check into WLS ASAP" - however, if they were to ask me, I'd help them in a heartbeat!

Rhonda, I've been struggling with this subject. I don't want to tell anyone because I don't want to hear their judgmental comments. I've heard one of my sisters make comments about a couple people, how stupid it was, blah, blah, blah. If this sister knew, she'll tell everyone in this town her opinion! I just don't want to hear it!!! I have another sister that I'm very close to. I would never do this surgery and not tell her. She's 150 lbs overweight. It's upset me because she's been very confrontational with me about this. We were on a recent vacation together in New York City, where we both were exhausted trying to keep up with our kids. I was in my hotel room, and she came in with my two daughters and her daughter, and they all insisted that I promise them that I not do this before December, give Weigh****chers another chance. (BTW, I just got my date - October 24!!!) My youngest daughter, who has always been a health food nut and gets very ornry if she can't work out, told the rest of them she was shocked when I told her, she doesn't like it, but she'll support me whatever I decide. Bless her soul. I had another lengthy conversation a couple days ago with my sister. She's still upset about it. However, in the middle of everything she said, she did make one comment that I think is the real issue. "Maybe I'm just jealous and wish I had the courage to do it." Maybe that's the real issue with your friend. Maybe she doesn't have insurance that will cover it and she's upset about that. I think you just have to ignore it as best as you can.

First of all, on your date!! I'm proud of you!! Of the concerns of my immediate family, it was my kid sister who was negative about the surgery for awhile. She told me that four of the six people she knew who had it had gained the weight back. She even thinks that one of her friends who had the open RNY has gained some. My parents were concerned, but I told my dad that I just didn't want to die like my cousin Jimmy did - he was 578 lbs. I believe I put it in my profile what happened.... Michelle has insurance - I don't know what kind, but she works for the federal government (TACOM) in Warren. I just don't know what the details are...

Rhonda, I understand about being long time friends with them. First of all I guess I would let the dust settle some, call Michelle and tell her you were bothered by that meeting you had with her and you thought about her friend that was denied. I'd tell her first off I am sorry she was denied and then go on to explain the fight you had to get approved and make it perfectly clear it didn't come easy for you. If she is really your friend she will hear you out. Secondly I see all the time where people jump to conclusions that people who are our friends on the heavier side see them as being jealous. Perhaps if we came to the mind set that instead of them being jealous they are envious and wi**** was them? It shouldn't matter if they are both heavy and need to lose weight. I wonder how many people say that about their friends after they have lost alot of weight. I also wonder was this an issue before we lost our weight or did we just see it after? I am by no means judging, just cautioning is all. Just my opinion. Connie

Weight has never been an issue with the three of us - if anything, I was the heaviest of the three of us for a long time, going back to high school. I have not asked or suggested to them that they needed to lose weight. I did, however, mention when I was on Weigh****chers years ago, and my success with that. Yes, I was tired of being fat and I did something about it. They might think that my way of doing it was out of the way, but I had exhausted all other avenues first! Yes, they may be jealous and/or envious of me. Lynn is married and has two kids, Michelle is twice divorced and has one kid. I am single and still would like to have someone in my life. Your two cents is important!!

I made a pretty strong policy of not telling many people till after my surgery. I had learned enough from broaching the subject with a few acquaintances and family members to just keep mum. Everybody hears the horror stories, everybody hears the insurance struggles....nobody keeps in touch with the thousands and thousands of wonderful people here on this forum and others who have sailed through this beautifully. A fellow teacher had WLS last year. She has told me over and over again how she has had no regrets, how glad she is, that yes the first couple of months are tricky, but after that it's great, etc. etc. As she approached a normal weight range, the snippiness of the teachers in my car pool intensified as they gossiped about here...."well you know - her hair is falling out" and "well, she told me it's rough cause she still gets hungry in her mind" an "she was NOT supposed to be drinking and I saw her have a beer at the party last night!" They would all sigh self-rightously, satisfied that THEY did not have to resort to such drastic measures to lose weight (although all but one are significantly overweight). I just saw her a week ago - she has maintained her size eight figure all summer, feels fantastic and told me she is so happy that she did this. I have not told the teachers I carpool with that I had it this summer. Can't weigtht to see the look on their faces when I do! Julie

I have told this story before but I had a friend who told me when I started losing weight that she no longer wanted to be the fat friend in the realtionship, my daughter says she always was!!! Well I look at what happened to you as an adult fit of jealousy, one would begin to think, are these really friends?? I also think that as you lose weight people make comments when they feel threatened by our new found sense of accomplishment or our great new self esteem. Sometimes it might be in our best interest to move on, let go of the past ( they might have very well contributed to your obesity!!)and find some greener pastures >>>>>over there. It might be time to find some friends to exercise with rather than go out to eat with. I think in some ways we have all been there. Good luck to you, Jill

My weight gain was not their fault. I believe a lot of it has to do with being umemployed for so long (16 years) and depression.