Has This Ever Happened To You?
When you have to visit a public bathroom, you usually find a line of
Women, so you smile politely and take your place. Once it's your turn,
You check for feet under the stall doors. Every stall is occupied.
Finally, a door opens and you dash in, nearly knocking down the woman
Leaving the stall. You get in to find the door won't latch. It doesn't
Matter.
The dispenser for the modern "seat covers" (invented by someone's Mom,
No doubt) is handy, but empty. You would hang your purse on the door hook,
If there were one, but there isn't - so you carefully but quickly drape
It around your neck, (Mom would turn over in her grave if you put it on
The FLOOR!), yank down your pants, and assume "The Stance."
In this position your aging, toneless thigh muscles begin to shake.
You'd love to sit down, but you certainly hadn't taken time to wipe the
Seat or lay toilet paper on it, so you hold "The Stance."
To take your mind off your trembling thighs, you reach for what you
Discover to be the empty toilet paper dispenser. In your mind, you
Can hear your mother's voice saying, "Honey, if you had tried to clean
The seat, you would have KNOWN there was no toilet paper!" Your thighs
Shake more.
You remember the tiny tissue that you blew your nose on yesterday - the
One that's still in your purse. That would have to do. You crumple it in
The puffiest way possible. It is still smaller than your thumbnail.
Someone pushes open your stall door because the latch doesn't work.
The door hits your purse, which is hanging around your neck in front of
Your chest, and you and your purse topple backward against the tank of
The toilet. "Occupied!" you scream, as you reach for the door, dropping
Your precious, tiny, crumpled tissue in a puddle on the floor, lose your
Footing altogether, and slide down directly onto the TOILET SEAT. It is
Wet of course.
You bolt up, knowing all too well that it's too late. Your bare bottom
Has made contact with every imaginable germ and life form on the
Uncovered seat because YOU never laid down toilet paper - not that there
Was any, even if you had taken time to try.
You know that your mother would be utterly appalled if she knew,
Because, you're certain, her bare bottom never touched a public toilet
Seat because, frankly, dear, "You just don't KNOW what kind of diseases
You could get."
By this time, the automatic sensor on the back of the toilet is so
Confused that it flushes, propelling a stream of water like a fire hose
That somehow sucks everything down with such force that you grab onto
The toilet paper dispenser for fear of being dragged in too. At that
Point, you give up.
You're soaked by the spewing water and the wet toilet seat. You're
Exhausted. You try to wipe with a gum wrapper you found in your pocket
And then slink out inconspicuously to the sinks. You can't figure out
How to operate the faucets with the automatic sensors, so you wipe your
Hands with spit and a dry paper towel and walk past the line of women, still waiting.
You are no longer able to smile politely to them.
A kind soul at the very end of the line points out a piece of toilet
Paper trailing from your shoe. ( Where was that when you NEEDED it??)
You yank the paper from your shoe, plunk it the woman's hand and tell
Her warmly, "Here, you just might need this."
As you exit, you spot your hubby, who has long since entered, used and
Left the men's restroom. Annoyed, he asks, "What took you so long, and why is your purse hanging around your neck?"
This is dedicated to women everywhere who deal with a public restroom
(rest??? You've got to be kidding!!). It finally explains to the men
What really does take us so long. It also answers their other commonly
Asked question about why women go to the restroom in pairs. It's so t he
Other gal can hold the door, hang onto your purse and hand you Kleenex
Under the door.
you ever been to the men's room at the Orange Bowl during a U2 concert while 12 guys are simultaneously urinating into one huge overflowing trough while urine, beer and vomit run all over the floor?
oh yeah, and there's also a few drunks going in the sinks and one over in the corner who couldn't wait and decides that since the floor's already wet...why not?
so, women, if you're wondering, that's why we come out of the men's room so fast you wonder how we even had time to go... we didn't. we're holding it in till we can stop at Denny's on the way home.
While at the Orange Bowl I watched a guy **** off the railing into the open end zone where the band played. He was showering the crowd below. Before Ethel cops got to him he was tenderized by the crowd around him. It was a playoff game way back when. Being in the band gave me opportunities to view Miami at it's best.
kp
ok, weird question for a WLS board but dude, have you been to The Versaille on Calle Oucho? We went to Habana in Royal Oak today and while it's good, it's got me totally jonesin' for The Versaille.
I just booked a flight today, in two weeks i'm flying in to PBI for a few days. I didn't like livin' there but i'm looking forward to a visit.
Say hi to your family for us. You guys were great hosts.
Go to that window and get yourself some of that Cuban coffee on them new chitlins? You'll be dancing the night away on that stuff baby! Been there? Yes! Late night Cuban Cuisine. It's a land mark. I would play downtown and end up there with some of the band from Bobby Rodriguez's big band.
Say hello to ummmm,,,, Raul (sp) for me. Like he'd remember me.
kp
Judy, since being married (5yrs), my husband has taken me to so many off the road area's in Michigan...I have learned to stop and potty any where I can. I keep handy some tissue and I fold up a plastic grocery bag around it as small as I can with a rubber band. If we are going somewhere and I don't want to bother taking my purse I can stick it in my pocket. Then of course there is the trusty bucket in the boat. It's a little harder to find a privite place on an open lake full of fisherman..but...I havelearned that it is better to have embarrassed myself a little bit then to miss a beautiful day in the Michigan wilderness....hmm..starting to sound like a out-of- doors magazine, husband would be proud..
Most Active
Recent Topics
