Need to vent

Ok so now I can understand why they say the divorce rate with patients who have this surgery tends to be higher!! A life long friend of ours son got married today. We were invited to the wedding ok. So, we decided we would not go to the wedding just the reception right. On the way there we talked about how neither one of us really wanted to go but we were going because if it was our child getting married they would have came to our childs reception. So, my husband was joking saying that he was going to go in there drop off the card and leave. SO I THOUGHT!!!!! He was so not kidding. I was so freaking embarrassed and mad as hell. Not only did I get two children ready. Got myself ready and I might say I was looking pretty cute! We traveled 30 miles and then waited 2 HOURS for them to show up. We of course left at first and walked around walmart because they were not there yet. When we got back they had just pulled in after us. We were there a total of like 10 minutes. I couldn't believe it. Of course I was totally pissed because I was embarrassed. Ya know what the jerk says to me........Your only mad because we didn't stay for the food!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! AS* HOLE!!!!!!!!!!!!!! I cried all the way home! Why do men not get it? I told him if he was going to just do that I would have mailed the friggen card. Man am I angry. And then he still thinks I am mad because we left not because of his stupid mouth. OHHHHHH I could spit. Has anyone else had to deal with this crap or is it just my stupid husband????? MEN!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!!! Can't live with them and ya can't shoot them either Thanks for letting me vent! Di

DI...has your hubby been around mine??? Sounds like something he would do!!!! MEN!! They have no idea what weddings are all about...gezzzz Did you even get to congratulate them?? I think I would make him sleep on the couch tonight!!! And if he refuses to do that...push him on the floor...LOL I think that was really rude of him to say that about the food to you!!! He owes you an apology!!!!!!!!! And make him fix his own dinner tonight! Hugs Judy

I am going through the same thing but I haven't had surgery yet. I get to hear about the food...and I have come to the conclusion that men are just insecure little boys. God forbid we have an ounce of self-confidence about ourselves. God forbid we look good. I am not married but I am sure that this surgery is going to be the end of our relationship/friendship. The sad thing is that I am willing to go through all of this and still lose a friend over it. I am embarrased of myself and what I have become but I will be damned if I am going to let a man, who is supposed to love me, embarrass me; especially since you have made efforts to improve your health. If anything, he should want to show you off and how wonderful you look and feel about yourself. I think that as women we spend a lot of time taking care of everyone else and that includes the men in our lives and our children. We have taken a step to better ourselves and the people around us get insecure and feel as if they will be left out. I tell my son that I will always be his mommy and that nothing will change that. I tell him that this will make things better for us and we will be able to do many more things and have much more fun. As far as his father....I tell him to DEAL with it. Maybe your husband is afraid that you will get more attention than him and he will feel left out. Either way, you have to do what is best for you. Keep your head up and don't let him get to you. Stacey

Di, I'm sorry you had such a rough day! You must have been terribly hurt when he made that comment - I know I would have been. Please know that not all men are pigs. This weekend my DH and I went to a wedding where friend were renewing their vows for their 15th wedding anniversary. My DH sat there and held my hand - put our rings together when the pastor was talking about the rings and was telling me how wonderful I look - that he can't wait until we renew our vows (we'll be married 13 years this year). Then later we had a private and cozy lunch date, played house in the middle of the afternoon , cleaned house together (actually I think he did more than me) and then went to a movie (Lake House - WONDERFUL movie/love story). I'm really not trying to brag, I just wanted to let you know that there are some good husbands out there. I hope that things get better soon. Just remember you can vent here any time you need to. Sheryl In the Zoo

Well, That was just an awful thing for him to say. I am sure he did it to take the focus off of what an ass he was being and put it on you. He sure has your number doesn't he? Worked like a charm. He made you so mad that the fight now became about something else. Men are not as always as dumb as we think they are. The thing is, we become more confident in ourselves and our ability to take care of ourselves after WLS. We are not willing to put up with what we did before. I myself am separated after both of us had WLS and experienced the same revelation. It is a tough road. Obese women tend to put up with much more mistreatment and take it as a fact of life. We often take what comes our way and assume this is the best it is going to get. WLS changes us in ways we never imagined. My husband and I are really trying to work through our problems and get back on track. We want it, it is just so very hard to start something new without bringing all the old with it. You are justified in your anger. He has no idea what is in store for him. If he did, I am sure he would behave better. Terri

Hi Di! Sorry it was such an icky day! Vent anytime!! There have been a lot of insightful comments and advise already. I'm not great with giving advise -- never know quite what to say. But, do know that I'll be praying for the situation -- I believe HE has the best answers and solutions around. Blessings!!

Sounds like he is insecure and afraid. Maybe you two need to sit down and talk about the changes that are going to be happening to you! Maybe he is just scared to death and is taking it out on you because he doesn't know what else to do! Tell him that you LOVE him and that no matter what he says or thinks that you are still the same person inside and that just because your "wrapping" is gonna change that your heart will only grow bigger because you will "LOVE" yourself now!!! Take care!!!

I agree. I think your husband is jealous of this wls surgery talk. There are going to be a lot of changes with you and him when you are loosing the weight. You should read the Carnie Wilson books. Keep your chin up and know that the hatefulness comes from somewhere else. He just said something to really hurt you at the time and it worked, he won!