For Father's Day....some sad, some glad.

I was shopping earlier this week, and looking at the Father's Day cards. I was having a hard time choosing one. Then, it hit me. My Father passed away February15, 2006 of Esophageal Cancer. He lasted 8 months after diagnosis, which came the same day as my pre-op appointment for WLS. Neither he or my Mom could be near me, and both gave their 'blessings" but I was thinking about backing out. Dad insisted that I pursue it, as he knew it was what I wanted. The last time he saw me when he was still alive, was late December 05-January 06. And it was horrible to see him suffering. My fondest memory of my father: teaching me how to fish, and the lakeside fish fries that we use to have every summer. He was quite the outdoorsman. I miss him, and I know today my Mother is missing him even more. I sent Mom a card and a book and video for today. I asked her not to open until today- because, well, though it will bring tears to her eyes, I want her to know I didn't forget Dad today. Even though he isn't here, even though this past week was the first week in 35 years I did not buy a father's day card. That was very strange for me to accept. I came close many times buying one. And for some reason, gut instinct, told me not to. So though it's a sad day for me, I want to take this chance to wish all you DAD'S out there a HAPPY FATHER'S DAY............... Be thankful for every moment you have with your kids, it doesn't last long enough. Hugs Stacey

Stacy I am so sorry about your Dad. My Dad passed away in 1991 of lung cancer 6 weeks after he was diagnosed. Today is a day to remember all the things we love about our Dads. Take care. Nancy

Hugs for you too....this day is a day to remember the good times. I hope my Mom gets through it alright. Thanks for your kind words Stacey

Stacey, That was beautiful. My father gave me a similar gift, to pursue my dream even though I'm sure he knew he didn't have much time left. In 1984, I had a chance to move to Montana to take a job (on a very small newspaper ... not exactly a step up at the time, but I was very unhappy at my job at a small paper in the Chicago suburbs and was willing to take anything at that point). I didn't tell my mom, just my dad. He told me that his mother freaked out when the family moved out of Chicago just to the suburbs, which was just a half hour drive away. And then he said: "You have to pursue your dreams, wherever they take you. You can't live your life for your mother or for me." I wound up taking the job in Montana, and it was the best move I ever made. Two months later, when he was in ICU, I came home to be with him for a couple of days as I knew he was going to die. And he gave me another gift: The social worker was in the room, and he introduced us and said, "This is my daughter who is a sports writer in Montana. I'm very proud of her. She is a very good writer." Now, my dad was a man of very few words and seldom praised his kids. You were supposed to know how he felt. He didn't express it verbally or physically. That was his parting gift to me. I've carried it with me ever since. I was a woman who always had very little self-confidence, but those words lifted me and gave me that little spark that changed my life. My first Father's Day without my dad, some people in Montana invited me to be part of their family, let me adopt their "dad" (I had written a column about my father and it had touched them). Even after all these years, I still feel his presence in the path my life has taken. I followed my dreams, and they have taken me many places that my father never gotten (he always said he would have taken a different path if he could have). I think he would have approved of the WLS ... I know your father did because it was your dream. It was his gift to you ... just like teaching you how to fish. Keep him in your heart and your dreams (yes, I still have dreams about my dad whenever I'm troubled ...he soothes my soul just as he did when I was a little girl). Eileen

I need to say thanks...Eileen -- for sharing that story of yours with us/me. I spoke to my Mom earlier and we both had a good sob. I also know what it's like to have a father who doesn't often speak about his children and their success. Mine did not, to me. He did however tell others "my daughter is an engineer for PBS...", or my daughter does this or that....and Mom would tell me later. I never heard how proud he was of me out of his own mouth my entire life. Rather the disappointment I was to him...for all my failures. That was hard to accept. And hard to live with. It's very sad but my two stepsisters (this is their biological father and my step- tho the only father I really ever knew) agree, we mutually feel the "shackles and chains" that he put on us when we were younger, are NOW and FOREVER gone. We discussed that in February after he passed. Some things came out in the open while we were all home, when he did pass, and though I have yet to speak of my nightmares, it isn't easy to talk about now that I'm older and could really care less that anyone ever knows. I don't know why this happened to me, but two weeks ago, I had a dream, and in that dream, Dad was standing in the back yard, hands on hips, saying "that yellow flower won't grow there". I felt the need to tell Mom. "Mom, do you have any yellow flowers out back in the yard?" I asked her. "yes, a begonia". she replied. "well, Dad came to me in a dream, and said that begonia won't grow where it is". I said. "oh my, it's in a place where it doesn't get much light, how did you know that?" she said "Dad told me, in the backyard, in my dreams". We both were very shocked. Happy, but shocked. thanks Eileen for sharing Stacey

Very hard to believe, but my wonderful Dad has been gone almost 12 years. He died on Dec. 23rd, two days before what we were expecting to be a fabulous Christmas, because he had won all the health battles and it was supposed to be smooth sailing ahead. To me, he was the greatest Dad on earth, and he was certainly my hero. Since I was a little kid, i used to say "The three things I can always count on....my fingers, my toes and my Dad!" I miss him every day of my life. I lost my Mom 4 years ago and losing her has been the worst thing, not only because we were so extremely close, but because I had already lost my Dad. We were all so close that I believe hearts can actually break, because my did. I'm an only child and single, so I really have no family. I'm fortunate I have good friends and nice relationships with many of my cousins. And I have 3 dogs and 1 cat that add so much joy to my life. I'm grateful for what I do have. Missing my parents is horrible though, but I know how very blessed I was to have had them. They wrapped my life in so much warmth and love and always made me feel like I was so special. I had what every child should have. I remember one "light bulb" moment after my Mom died, when I suddenly realized I wasn't the center of anyone's universe anymore! It was both funny and startling at the same time. Anyway, I could go on forever about my folks, but I'll stop now....just wanted to share, since the topic was brought up. I've wished my Dad a happy father's day several times today already.....because, of course, I talk to he and my Mom all the time! I was one lucky girl!!!!----Patty

Patty, Thanks for sharing about your Mom and Dad ...I read your post and had tears in my eyes. I guess because knowing the love of parents and being so close is the one thing I missed out on. I guess when your real-biological parents are still together, it's possibly a better relationship than when they split up and remarry like mine did. I know that I was never close to either my Mom or Dad, but did a great job trying to be. I'm glad that you are able to talk to them, and that brings you comfort in your heart. And I understand being an only child- I was one also- to my Mom. I was 11 when she remarried. So I understand. Stacey

My father lives next door and I wake every morning thanking God that I get to see him one more day. My daughters are LUCKY! They have two fathers to celebrate the day with. My step-daughters don't show their appreciation for their father and that makes me sad. One day he won't be here for that "yearly" Fathers Day call and to know that my daughters brighten his days at least puts a beam of sunshine in his heart where his daughters leave a void. Cherish your fathers and ALWAYS stay in contact with them even just to say HI. It really does mean ALOT to them although some don't let you know! HAPPY FATHERS DAY to all you wonderful father's out there!

Tami, Quite moving to have someone so dear and so close. Thank you for sharing your story. Means alot on this day.......and every day! Stacey

Stacey, Eileen, and Patti, your stories about your fathers are so touching, I spent my day with my father, who is 80 this year, and after reading your stories it means so much more to me. Like Tami, I stay in constant contact with my father even though he lives 60 miles from me, and I thank god for every visit I have with him. My two daughters are on their way over to share Fathers day with their dads and I love to see the bonding between them on a special day. Happy Fathers Day to all. Take care, Janice