WLS -- Why do people think it's an easy out???

I just posted this on the main message board, but I though I would post here also, to get some views also... I am a little miffed...I told my fiance that I had decided to have WLS, I told him that it is for people who have tried to lose weight and maintain on their own but can't and understand the risks associated with it. He then proceeded to tell me "No it's not, it's for people that want an easy way out." HUH??? Easy?? Don't think so. Why is it that some people think that people that have had or want to have this done are lazy and are trying to get off easy?? How do I make him understand? Should I even try? I am really bothered because I want him to be supportive, which I hope he will eventually, but I don't want half-hearted support because part of him is thinking that I am taking the "easy route." Is there any literature he could read? I went to a seminar today at the clinic where I want to have my surgery done at and I asked him to go...he declined. Should i want him to understand or should I just not care???

Can you do this without his support? Certainly. Do you need him to make life decisions for you? Do you depend on him? Are you having health issues that surgery will improve? Does he know that and still not want you to have it? Is this an issue of love on his part or one of control? I understand there is a Weight Loss Surgery for Dummies book available (any bookstore or online). If he won't consider reading that either, you may want to look even more deeply at his motivation, or get some counseling for the two of you. If he won't support the surgery, he isn't likely to support the eating program you will be on for the rest of your life. Best of luck with your choices and your wls.

I think he has heard horror stories about it...when I told him, he said "I wouldn't do that if I were you." He's starting to ask more questions about it but I just want him to have a clear understanding... I know he will be on my case to eat right after I have the surgery...but I just don't want that thought that "she took the easy way out" lurking around in the back of his mind...although, I know I have no control over what he thinks, I just want him to be informed... Does this make any sense??

Hi Yolanda.... The easy way out huh????? When exactly did having your body cut open, your insides rearranged and NEVER being able to eat like everyone else become the "EASY " way.... Not the nicest way to put it but thats how I approach that statement..... I think he's just concerned and scared. Keep talking and I bet he will come around. I was blessed to never get that reaction from anyone.. but I was also armed at all times to explain everything about my impeding surgery... my Mom once said " I was ready to be against it all till you sat me down and explained your reasons and your research to me". Hope that helps somewhat.... Erin *addicted to popcorn now*

My husband was SSSOOOOOOOOO against this surgery and felt the same way - at first. He kept saying "why can't you do this on your own." I dieted my life away waiting to do it on my own and I kept gaining it all back and then some! I finally told him I was doing it with or without his support and if he loved me he would help me. Needless to say 164lbs later, he helped and is VERY glad that I did this. He thinks I am the sexiest thing on earth now, even with all the skin, scars, etc. that come with it. But he likes the new curves and the new confidence and all the other benefits that come with being more flexible, wink, wink! Sometimes, not always, but sometimes you make a decision that is just for you and you don't look back or second guess. I wish I had not wasted time trying to convince him that I shoud do this. Wendy

Yolanda, I struggled with how I would tell my husband I made the decision to have WLS. I kept the thought of it close to my heart for a year. I talked to God the entire time. I had to be certain that this was a decision I made on my own, without anyone else influencing me. It was hard. My husband and I do everything together - so to come to the decision on my own and THEN tell him was a difficult thing to do. I felt like I was confessing secrets to him. He was a bit miffed at first - but that lasted about five minutes. I explained to him how I had to pray about this. I had to be 100% certain that I was doing this for the right reasons. It was me and God for a whole year. After the upset ended, he was proud of me. I understand his reaction and I expected it. I think I probably would have reacted the same way. This is MY DECISION, but it does affect him and our life together. I could not ask for a better cheerleader than my husband. Perhaps your fiance is scared. Without a doubt anyone who loves you will have that worry in the back of their head. I will bet that as he watches you take charge of your health and commit to the new life you are giving yourself, he will come around. How wonderful of a gift to not only give yourself, but the ones you love... your health and well being. You are in my prayers. Brandee

Yolanda, For me, I am 47, it was a struggle most of my adult life with being Morbidly Obese- a word I despised. I tried all the worlds diets, and gained and lost and gained and lost and learned about 10 years ago that I had no ability to control my eating. None. I thrived on foods, being my crutch in life. Chocolate, and pies, cakes and cookies, and junk. I looked in the mirror and said "no wonder you are 46 and single, I don't even like ME!!!". Today, almost a year later, I am down 146 lbs total since 2003- my highest weight was 310, and I weigh 164 now. I urge you to read my profile as you'll see, I spent several times in the ER, and even now have to be "VERY" careful what I put in my mouth. It is not easy and it is not simple to adjust your eating forever, and to fit in with those around you and their eating habits. You have to adjust YOU and they don't adjust themselves. It is difficult in a way that no other person can understand. I urge you to show your fiance' profiles and talk to people with positive results so that he can see it IS NOT EASY and IT IS NOT SOMETHING TO TAKE LIGHTLY. As Erin said, "having your insides re-arranged" is life changing and will forever change how you eat, live, and be. I know you possibly don't need his approval, but his support will be the difference in your success. I urge you to talk to him about this more, because I had little support from my family since my dad was dying, and had to do much of my post op care alone, and suffered fractured ribs, and countless visits to the ER because I just didn't eat right. It is critical that you are supported. I don't believe you or anyone needs anyone's approval, but you DO need their support. SUPPORT will make the difference. I hope this helps, and I hope that you can show him some profiles or talk to people who can help him see that you need him. It shouldn't matter why. If he loves you, truly loves you, he shuold be by your side NO MATTER WHAT! Stacey

Yolanda this is still early in your proceedure and time and understanding will bring him around. I would not take his statement personal, and try to explain to him to have trust in you to make the decision that is best for you and it will also be the best for the both of you's. As for me, I had my husband's blessings and we are both so happy with that decision that has been a dream come true and to see the pride my husband has in me everyday is so well worth everything I went through. I think if he knew how important it is to YOU than he may support you. Take care, JANICE

"Should i want him to understand or should I just not care???" Really bothers me. You are about o make the decision of a lifetime. This is a huge step to make your life better and healthier and he shows support with these remarks. I'm sorry but this is not the easy way out. Does he understand that you could die from this procedure? That complications from it are dangerous and that some of them may leave you in worse shape? You are willing to take tat chance to take control of your life and you get "easy way out!?!?!?" I'll be happy to show him some of the easy way people - the 840 lb man that was so desperate to have this surgery he lost 150 lbs to get to a "safe" operable weight - the gal who developed an infection in her spine and has to lug around a machine to keep her alive - the hundreds of people who have had infections, seromas, strictures hernias and countless other problems just to be normal again. Should you want him to understand? Sure you should. You have a right to have his support. Should you not care? I wouldn't - it would be his problem. I think you are a brave person to be willing to take this step and try to educate him in the process. Keep up the good fight. Introduce him to my buddy Will Elijah AKA Big Will. He will help you out. You ROCK!!!! kp

Well as of late he seems to be warming up to the idea...he asked me earlier "after you have the surgery, will your head still be the same size?" It's a joke because he always tells me I have a big head...lol. Thank you all so much for your responses and I am totally excited about this surgery..NOTHING AND NO ONE IS GOING TO STAND IN MY WAY!!! I have been miserable for far too long, I can't take it anymore and I refuse to accept defeat any longer!! I would LOVE for us to meet "big will" is that really possible? Thanks you guys again and if there's anything I could ever do or any encouragement I could give feel free to email me anytime!!!