HELP! I'M SLIPPING!

I think most of you know that my husband is very ill. The drs. now think he may have developed cancer. We have been living with the fact that his liver is failing for over a year and now this. It's just the last straw for me. There are times that I just don't care if I go on or not. The last couple of weeks, I have been going back to my old nasty habits. Particularly, eating too much, snacking when I am not at all hungry, and not walking five days a week as I had been doing. I have gained over 7 lbs. and the scale is only rising. I know that the anxiety about my spouse is the driving force behind this relapse I am in but I am having a heck of a time turning myself around. Has anybody else experienced this? And if so, how did you pull yourself out of it. My health is my responsibility but I can "self talk" all the "right words" but just can't get myself in gear. I think I'm stuck in the middle of a big pity party and so far seem content to just stay there. I hate this! But - I just can't get going! Any help out there? Suggestions, comments, or just plain ole "butt kickin," - I am open to hearing whatever needs saying. Please HELP! Pam Ford

Hi Pam...I am so very sorry to hear about your husbands illness. I haven't had WLS yet but I did have a very sick husband last year starting at this time. He had several things going on but the worst was dementia problems. He has since recovered from that tho thank GOD!! ( he had scar tissue pressing into his brain causing that) But if you can find a support group to go to or online...DO IT!!!! I prayed more than I ever did in my life!! I hardly ate but what I did eat I must have gained every time I did. Do you do any crafts? Keep your hands busy so you don't eat. Read a book, paint, sew, anything at all...I know its hard to do right at times like this but you have to keep up your health for your husband and your family!! Do you have any kids? Grandchildren? Think of them...how do you think they would feel if both of you were lost at the same time? You came so far in this journey to give up!!! If you don't know where to find help...call your pcp, commission on aging, senior centers, or church. They should be able to help you find support somewhere in your area. Please DO NOT GIVE UP!!!!! We are here for you if you need us. Or email me if you want to vent. Hugs Judy

Pam, Sorry to hear of the heartbreaking news. Your husband and yourself are in our prayers. Your number one goal is to keep yourself healthy in order to keep the strength to help and be there for your husband. So take a nice relaxing bath then get your butt kickin shoes on and get out of your slump! Good luck to you! Michelle

Pam, this is a very difficult time, and you definitely do not need a "butt kickin". I have found that when I am stress eating, I like the snacks too. I LOVE pretzels! These are not such a bad thing unless you eat a whole bag of them, SOOO, I just put 48 pretzel sticks in ziplock baggies and I have a 100 calorie snacks available. You can do this with grapes and other things. Don't punish yourself, just portion yourself. Exercise whenever you can, because the endorphins will make you feel better, and when you feel better you will not want to eat so much. Go ahead and have your pity party, it is needed sometimes, you have recognized that you are there and need help, you asked for help, and that is good. DO seek support for yourself there are "Care for the Caregiver" programs out there. I will keep you in my prayers. Carol

Dear Pam, I pray for healing and miracles in your husband's health, and I pray for a kind spirit to enter into your heart to give you peace and love...and to help you both through this difficult time. I ask God to bring Angels to your sides, and surround you with protection, comfort and peace. I know in my own life, Angels carry me through when I'm hurting. It's like Amy Grant sings, "Angels watching over me". As for your slipping, here's what I can offer. Start a journal of what you are eating every day, every meal, every bite, and even count the liquids. Just because you gain weight, doesn't necessarily mean bad things. I gain weight, but lose fat mass and fat percentage and that is what indicates I'm gaining muscle, which weighs more than fat. It's hard to comprehend sometimes. However, a journal will show you what's wrong, and sometimes the snacking I do, but I make healthy choices. Instead of what I use to eat-- chips and garbage, I now munch of graham crackers, or preztels, or those 100 calorie packs of goodies made by Nabisco. Although some contain more sugar than others, I watch that and never eat more than 6 grams per serving of sugar or I get sick. Being stuck is a hard place to get out of, and I'm there on and off. But what I can tell you is that it is understandable, and it is TEMPORARY. Don't let yourself get caught up in the upset of your lives, and jeopardize everything you've work so hard to accomplish. Call a friend, family member, and let them listen and hear you vent. I know for me, venting my feelings and upsets makes me feel better. I'll even open my phone for you---simply email me and I'll give it to you. You can call me ANYTIME DAY OR NIGHT AND I'LL LISTEN. God Bless you and don't give up........just take ONE DAY AT A TIME. Hugs......... Stacey in Mt. Pleasant

Pam~ I am very sorry to hear about your husband's health concerns right now. I agree with what has been said earlier. Especially the exercise part. If you can make yourself go out for a walk at least a few times a week I think that will help. You can't eat while you are walking and hopefully you will begin to feel better for having the exercise and then you won't want to eat. Endorphins are a wonderful thing! As for the pity party...no one can blame you for that while you are going through this uncertainty. I wish you and your husband the best! Sandra

Pam, I think Carol has some wise advice for you. I can certainly understand your situation, you have a right to be down right now. But everyone is right when they say that you need to take care of your health for you and your hubby. I like Carols advice about making snack bags of low cal things. And it is true that endorphins lift your spirits. Maybe if walking is not an option right now, you could do something at home, maybe find a excercycle at a garage sale or something. I have bought one for 10 bucks! But definitely try to do something for yourself during this time. Also seek spiritual help. Sometimes during a crisis people will pull away from you in fear of saying or doing the wrong thing or sometimes they think they will get in your way, and you will feel abandoned. Make sure your friends and loved ones know how important they are to you and that you need their help and support. You will need it during this time. If you need anything you can email me and I will be more than happy to do what I can for you and your family. I will pray for you and your husband. Wendy

Hi Pam, Difficult times DO cause us to "stress eat"....I am an obvious testiment to that. Unfortunately, I have gain even more than that, and have been struggling to get it off. So I know your fears. All I can say is try to snack on healthier things...stay away from the "goodies". I think that was my downfall. It's like I try to "punish" myself....the old vises come back...uhg!!! But, I keep trying. All I can say is keep the goodies out of the house, then you won't be tempted to eat them. I'm watching the answers to this post too, cuz I sure would like to get these unwanted pounds off! We all "know" what we're supposed to do, but what do you do when the "head demons" grab you again? I thought that was long gone, but every now and then it can creep back in when you least expect it. Hang in there Pam, but try to nip it in the bud before it gets away from you. Best of luck and God Bless! Theresa

Pam, Aren't the people on this board fantastic! I get so uplifted and feel so supported by their love. All of our love is with you and your husband. Thank goodness, you are aware of the funk you are in and can take action now. Keep us posted and know that we are with you. Little steps...little snacks...move when you can...keep it positive. Diane

You have too look out for yourself, I can't express that enough. my mom is terminal and I have been just freaked. But I am still going a head with my wls on july 31 as I can't control what is happening. SO my advise to you is, remember you have too take care of you, as you are useless to him if your weak. He can sense these feelings your having. Remember to be strong and you will be fine. I live by this prayer, it is the Alcoholic prayer(AA) I am personally not a AA member but my grandmother always used this prayer when things got tough. It Works. Please take great care Arlene