I am so ashamed of myself!!!

Hello Everyone, I just got back from seeing my surgeon for my Pre-Op visit. And I gained 12 POUNDS!!!!! I am not suprised that I gained that much because I have been eating like I was out of my mind. My surgeon was NOT happy at all. So they want me to start my liquid diet now, and my surgery is June 14th. I am so ashamed of myself. I literally cried all the way home. I wish so much that I wouldn't have eaten like that, there is no excuse to just do my body like that... Why do we do this to ourselves???? Here I am given such a wonderful opportunity and I sabotoge it before I even have the surgery. My BMI went up 4 points in 3 months, thats terrible!! So please everyone pray for me that I can be strong and endure this next 18 days on all liquids. I know that it will only be the grace of God that will get me through this. I do have a question for those of you who have been on the liquid diets... Do the protein drinks fill you up? I am so afraid of being "hungry" and not being able to only do liquids.. But I am praying that the protein will help me from feeling starved. Thanks for the support!

Kathy - You're NOT the first person to gain weight as a preop!!!! Don't continue to beat yourself up. You did it, you know it, you're over it.... just get on your liquid diet and go for it!!!! Hugs, Laurie

At my first surgical appointment, I was told to lose 5 lbs, then return in 6 weeks. Luckily, I had lost 8lbs, but I had to maintain that weight until 1 week before my surgery. That was hard, but I did it!

Thanks for the encourgement Laurie & Rhonda.... I now know it's time to get with the program. I even threw out my cupcakes I bought yesterday! I am thinking I will go through the refrigerator tommorow and get that junk out of here too. And I am joining the Y in the morning! Thanks again! Love, Kathy

Hi Kathy I know how you feel. When i got my surgery date i treated every meal like my last supper, i swear i did. But i know now that you know what to expect, you have to get moving and lose what you can pre op so you won't have as much to lose post op, i wish i did that. If you can't handle all liquids, do liquids throughout the day and then have one high protein meal. Just make sure to stay away from the carbs and junk food!! Load yourself up with water and start taking vitamins. Get outside and walk as much as possible, this will all help in your recovery time. Make yourself strong now and be sure help in the healing. Email me if i can be any help or encouragement. hugs Linda

Awwwwww Thanks Linda!! I am glad to hear that I am not the only one who went through this. I was feeling like such a loser! Two of my girlfriends are going to do the liquid diet with me to support me, and one of them said to me " I have been pigging out myself with the mindset that I won't be able to eat for a while" So that made me feel better knowing that it is somewhat normal to feel this way. I suppose this is one of the many emotions I will feel during this change in my life. And yes I will be starting to exercise tommorow morning. (I would start tonight but I have to go to Grand Rapids tonight) Anyways, Thanks again for the support!! God Bless! Love, Kathy

Kathy... I am going through the same thing myself. For the last few weeks EVERYTHING that I eat, from my sensible plain tuna and cottage cheese lunch, to the banana I have for breakfast in the morning, I feel quilty. I feel like every bite I take is one more bite I don't need... I have been told it is normal to feel this way - it is all part the major change we are about to embark. Part of me feels like I should punish myself... and the other part of me knows I can't starve myself either. I am angry at food, too - if you can believe that. (Angry that I like it so much.) I cry all the time... when I think about how blessed we are to find ourselves at this point in our life - taking control of the one thing that we have not been able to control... and when I think about all the people who are cheering me on. My poor husband... he has been awesome, but there are some days when I annoy myself and I just wonder how the heck he can put up with me! For as miserable as the emotions make me... I am glad that this is happening because it is a huge wake up call. Almost like the storm before the calm... Every day, each experience and emotion teaches me something new. We are worth fighting this battle, don't you think? Brandee

Prepare yourself though. Your brain will not change with surgery. At first you are severely limited physically and your cravings are nonexistant. That is the honeymoon period. Over time it all comes back as well as your ability to much more food. People tend to freak out as this happens because they think there is something wrong. There is not. It is the body adjusting and doing what it needs to do to get back to as much normalcy as possible. Trust me, my pouch still works but there are times that I am amazed at the amount of food I can eat. I guess what I am saying is try not to be so hard on yourself. The hard work is still ahead and you will need all your strength and understanding of obesity to maintain your sanity. Our brains seem to work differently than naturally thin people. To me, that is just a fact of life that is not going to change. I still get way too much on plate and wonder what I was thinking. My brain is still 400 pounds and I have to fight every day to keep what I have. Just know that you are not a failure. You are an obese person with an eating disorder. I will reserve my judgement on what I think about those liquid diets though. Take care. Terri