Update on the louse

Hi Everyone, I would like to start by thanking you all for your kind, kind words. I can't believe how many people responded and understood. Not sure if that is a good thing that you all know what its like. I am so devastated still, I can't see. It turns out he wasn't with her at all the other day. He went to talk to the pastor. He says he will never see her again and he wants to work on our marriage. But, I just can't get it out of my head. I don't think I can ever look at him or feel the same about him. He disgusts me. Whenever I look at him I picture his hands all over her and I go in the bathroom and throw up. I haven't eaten or slept in days. He thinks we need time apart to gather our feelings. He wants me to go home to my family until I can look at him again. But why? So, he can run off and be with his **** Why should I have to leave my house to accommodate him when he is the one who did this to me? He says he's sorry over and over, but I just don't think he gets the magnatude of what he did to me. He ruined my life. I feel awful about myself, like I am worth nothing. Like he took a 20 year old tramp over our life together, our vows in front of God that were so sacred to me, and then spit on me. I am so mortified and i just can't stop crying and picturing the physical act of it. Is this normal? Now, today I am starting to feel angry, like I want to punch him or throw things. I think I'm losing it. Is it over? Should I just pack my things and go home to CT? What about my surgery? I am so weak right now. Will I make it through? Do I even want to wake up from it? Your comments really helped me, please keep the advice coming. I need all the support I can get. Mousie

No matter what happens, you have to do what you need to for you. This surgery needs to be about YOU. I can't imagine how devistated I would be. Please don't let him define how you feel about yourself. You do want to wake up, you do want to be happy, with or without him. Leeanne

Mouse: Your feelings from dispare to anger are VERY natural. Now is not the time to leave, you need to focus on each moment to get through it and don't even look at tomorrow until tomorrow. We all let our lives be defined through our spouse, it just happens. But you have to dig deep, real deep right now and know that YOU are important, loving, kind and beautiful. What he did was about HIM and only him, not you. You need to stay focused on your surgery--know that you do want to wake up and continue on with your life. It may be this life, or a different one. Only time will tell. Seek God right now--He is the only strength worth having. You will get through this.

Hi Mousie, You did not do anything wrong! If anyone is to pack their bags and "go home to family" it should be him. He is the one that messed up, let him pay the consequences for his actions. You just stay put and try to keep everything as normal as you can~without denying what happened. When is your surgery. I'm sure someone would be willing to help you after if you need it. God bless you, Annette

I have been reading the posts that have been written and can tell you I have been there and done that as well! 11 years ago my 1st husband cheated on me in my own house when I was at my parents house for a wedding, I had a newborn baby (3-4 weeks old). He told me about it because everyone at his work knew about it!!! I took him back. I didn't trust him, made him do all the tests everything...Well 2 years later same thing only this time he spend our entire savings on this chick!!! It was a downpayment for the house we were suppose to be buying. Kick in the chops second time, I thought OK I have two kids ages 2 and 4 this has to work, he was my high school love- I know he loves me he just has a problem being faithful!!!! Well about a whole 3 months later there was another one......I had enough how much was I suppose to take. Once shame on him, twice shame on me for taking it.... I gave him a choice either me and me alone or none of me.... Well he didn't answer so I started a new life for myself, I filed for divorce and met a guy who is now my best friend and husband of 6 years. He loves me for who I am, fat, skinny, cranky and cheerful, he is always there to support me. He spend just about the entire time with me at the hospital sleeping in a chair to make sure I had what I needed. It didn't matter to him what size I was but who I am and he wants me to be happy! You need to take care of you!!!! By the way the ex married his last girlfriend, and when I first talked to her I told her she was the first and she wouldn't be the last....Well boy did I have fun telling her she wasn't the last--- he has cheated on her a few times in their marriage and that must be Ok with her because she buys him a new car or truck after every affair!!! But that is ok too because she has to deal with that he brings home to her not me! I have never felt better about myself since I lost the extra baggage!!!! Sorry this is so long but life does get better and there are more fish out in the sea that will be there for you and only you.....

Keep your head up!! You are who is important in life. You have to look out for #1. You will get through this and one day find out that it was rough but well worth the valuable lesson that you went through! I am sending you this poem. I used it to get me through some tough times. June 12th will be your Re-Birthday and I will be celebrating the date of my birth 44 years ago. It will be the BEST date in your life!! Take care of YOURSELF!!! Don't Look Back! As you travel through life there are always those times when decisions just have to be made, When the choices are hard and solutions seem scarce and the rain seems to soak your parade! There are some situations where all you can do is to simply let go and move on, Gather courage together and choose a direction that carries you toward a new dawn. So pack up your troubles and take a step toward, the process of change can be tough, But think about all the excitement ahead, if you can be stalwart enough! There could be adventures you never imagined just waiting around the next bend And wishes and dreams just about to come true in ways you can't yet comprehend! Perhaps you'll find friendships that spring from new interests, as you challenge your status quo And learn there are so many options in life, and so many ways you can grow! Perhaps you'll go places you never expected and see things that you've never seen, Or travel to fabulous, faraway worlds and wonderful spots in between! Perhaps you'll find warmth, affection and caring, a "somebody special" who's there To help you stay centered and listen with interest to stories and feelings you share. Perhaps you'll find comfort in knowing your friends are supportive of all that you do And believe that whatever decisions you make, they'll be the right choices for you! So keep putting one foot in front of the other and taking your life day by day. There's a brighter tomorrow that's just down the road. Don't look back, you're not going that way! Author Unkown

What Tami said. I know your mind is going a mile a minute. Take a step back and think about what you are contemplating..... You are going to put your life on hold because of his poor decision. Easy for me to say but you need to rethink that. He made the mistake and I bet he is feeling bad but you have really no reason to dump on yourself. You are about to take the biggest step of your life - one that is going to give you control again over something that has been out of your control. You keep your focus. Let him be the victim of his own mistake. Now it it your time. You are strong enough to make this decision to have your surgery then you are strong enough to make him sit and wait. Please don't feel bad about yourself anymore,,, you really have no reason to. This is his problem and when you want to deal with it then deal with it on your terms. Sorry if that sounded blunt but I think you can do it. kp

Hey Sweet Lady, I read a post you posted a few days ago about feeling anxious about your upcoming surgery. I know this is just adding more fuel to that fire. But, let me tell you Mousie, My huband cheated on me about 4 years ago. I have 5 kids at home and 3 of them are his from his first marriage. So, the option for me really was not to leave because I would have to leave my "other" children behind and I was not willing to do that. I remember when I found out I was so sick. I threw up and couldn't sleep, eat and I felt like I hated him. The first thing I did was go to the doctor to get tested for STD's this is very hard to do but it is SOOO important. I choose to forgive him because I felt that is what the Lord asked of me. That was the ONLY time I was willing to forgive him I will not do it again! We still have very big trust issues to this day. But, going through this I can honesty tell you that we have never been more close! We worked through it and became best friends again. It wasn't easy. It was probably one of the hardest things I have ever had to do in my life. But, you and only you know what is in your heart. You have to ask yourself. Do you still love him? And if the answer is yes...Do you love him enough to forgive him? I will honestly tell you it is not easy. There are still days I look at him and I feel such dislike (I would love to say hate but that would be harsh) for him I could vomit. Then, I treat him like crap and he doesn't even know why. LOL That is my insecurities though. If I were you, I would not put off your surgery. This is about you and no one else. You need this for YOU!!!! Remember how important you are. I see your picture and Dang girl you are beautiful. Don't let this put a damper on your surgery. Do it for you! I hope this helps and if you need any advice feel free to email me. I don't know how much I can help but I have been there! It does get easier if and when you decide what you want to do. The best advice I can give you is to give it to the Lord. Ask him for guidance and to walk beside you in this time. He will draw near to you and guide you when you need it most. All you need to do is ask. I hope this helps. Keep your chin up, Diane

You have all been so wonderful and kind to me and I thank you. Your posts have been so healing and helpful to me. Tonight we talked to the pastor and things went well. It is going to be a long, slow, agonizing process, but maybe our marriage can be saved. I am really not the type that would forgive such a thing. I am hopelessly loyal, but God says to be forgiving, so that is what I am trying to do. We'll see what happens. Thanks again for all you kind words. They made my heart feel somewhat whole again after feeling so empty the last few days. You are all the best and I'm so glad you are here for me. Mousie