cheating louse!
Hello All,
I know this is personal information, but I need to tell someone. I just found out that my husband is cheating on me. He went looking for someone online. She is only 20 years old. She could be his daughter!!! I can't even begin to tell you how devastated I am. I don't know what to do? And, my surgery is coming up June 12. He was supposed to take care of me. He probably hopes I die during the surgery so he'll be free. I feel so betrayed and inadequate. Has anyone had this experience and, if so, how did you get through it. I just don't feel strong enough to tackle this. I can't stop crying. Last night he said he was staying in a hotel to clear his head (he had to walk because I wouldnt give him the keys). Then he said in the morning we would talk this out and he still loves me and he will be there for my surgery. WEll, guess what. Here it is 1 pm and he is not here, nor did he call. I just know he is with her. How can he throw away our whole marriage for a 20 year old who is married with a kid. She has an open marriage too, so who knows what kind of diseases she has. She is so gross in my opinion. And my husband always frowned upon cheaters. It made him sick tohis stomach he used to say. If anyone has advice I would appreciate it and thanks for listening.
Mousie
Wow! No advice other than don't assume anything if you know what I mean. make sure you have facts before you make any decisions. I know it's easy for me to say but that is the best I can offer. Remember that when people do this often it is because of a personal weakness. Don't sit and blame yourself.
I know,,,easy for me to say again but that's the truth.
Take care.
kp
I always say that no matter how much you think you know someone, you never really do. I always thought I could spot a liar 100 feet away. Found out recently that the one living in my house managed to fool me for years. He is living elsewhere now too.
Be strong! Do not let this defeat you or your goals. Do not crumble or show him your weakness. That will give him power over you. Find someone else to help you after surgery. Some people do not even need help.
I had an ex who left me for a drug addict ***** who eventually died from an overdose. I beat myself for a year wondering how he could choose that woman over me. You know why? It made him feel better about himself. He felt less than with me because I was smarter, made more money, and had things going for me. He needed her to feel good about himself. I would bet lots of money this has everything to do with how your husband feels about himself and nothing really to do with how you function as a wife. You will see that obese women tend to ignore things about their man in order to keep him. We tend to coddle those insecurites and not really see them as they should be seen. We overlook alot. That goes away. I bet that most women on this board would agree with me. There are probably things leading up to this that when you are able to look back in retrospect, you will see clear as day. I have to speculate that one day you will wonder how you did not see it coming.
Look at him as a person and his actions, not as a husband cheating on his wife. His disregard for you and your feelings says volumes about his lack of intergity and sincerity. His choice cannot be about him loving someone else or getting emotional fulfillment form this girl. I would be more devastated if he actually met and fell in love with someone else. This is not about that. Whatever his issue is, it is so big that he cannot see past it to see you. Yeas, what he did to you is terrible. But, it is not about you being less than. It is about him feeling less than. Just know if you take him back and forgive him to the degree you can, it will not change the root of the problem.
Keep us updated.
First of all, I think that both of you need to get into marriage counseling ASAP. If he won't go, then go by yourself.
It's possible that your husband is acting out of fear of your having surgery.
If you think that she has any diseases and has passed them onto your husband, INSIST that he be tested for EVERYTHING (and get yourself tested too).
You are a stong person - don't let anyone think or tell you otherwise. Remember, you have your friends here on the OH Michigan Board to vent to.
I wish you the best of luck. I know things aren't easy right now, but there are people here rooting for you. I promise to save you a seat on the loser's bench, and this is one bench you want to sit on!!
I do not understand why anyone would want marriage counseling when a spouse cheats like that. I, for one, would never look back. Why would she go if he won't? This is not her problem. She might need counseling, but I disagree with attending a marriage counselor on your own in a situation like this. What would be the point?
I am not trying to be argumentative, I just do not understand. What marriage is worth saving when someone you love and trust hurts you in the worst way possible? I would rather have my ass kicked. Some women may take that stand and stand by their man. I am certainly not one of those. Life is too short to put up with that crap and compromise your happiness. My personal happiness is more important than my spouses to me.
I guess I'm the kind of person that would be willing to give a person a second chance, however, I DO RESPECT YOUR OPINION!!!
I believe that a marriage counselor would be good, whether or not he goes. I believe that the counselor could give a realistic prospective on if they should try to work things out or end things (hopefully) a civil manner.
With all of the crap (putting it mildly) that my now ex b-i-l has put my sister thru, I would have kicked his ass to hell and back (and we are not talking Hell, MI either!). Granted, he was not cheating on my sister, but is suspected of doing drugs. My niece and nephew are in counseling now - they are only 10 and 14. I don't know how this will effect them down the road. My dad and brother are trying to step up as male role models for them.
She will probably need someone professional to talk to, not only about this situation, but with the upcoming surgery. With something like this thrown at you, how do you cope and not screw up even further?? I guess that's my concern at the moment...
Listen to Terri! She is a really smart girl and has given you some good advice.
I am sorry you are going through this. Especially now. It may help to put surgery off for a couple of months and find a friend or family member as your support person. Your body will not heal as well after an emotional trauma, that is a medical fact and you should be mentally prepared for what is ahead. This surgery is no picnic and will take all you have for a short while. It is very worth it though so don't give up. But my advice is to wait and get yourself together, get support, and then show him what a wonderful, hot, smart person he has cheated on.
Wendy
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