Dear Flabby .....

My wife is threatening to leave me due to flaulence. I keep telling her that I can't help it, but she insists I could at least run to the bathroom to expel my gas. I say she promised for better or worse, richer or poorer, fatter or skinnier, minor toot or atomic explosion. She insists I either live in the bathroom, cork up the trumpet, or leave. So Flabby, what do you do to solve this problem? Do you say to your lovely bride, "You'll smell them and like them"? Signed, Stinky in St. Clair Shores

Dear Stinky Shores, A fart is an enveloping love wrap of aroma. Tell her you love her so much that you are just marking your territory with a sonata of adoration from your bean horn. J. Giles - "Love Stinks" Flabby

Dear Jon, Do you have two bathroom's? Dear flabby say's we should get together and form a duet. I don't think your wife would care for that, unless she has a real ear for music. What do you think? signed~ Desperate Doo~Doo

Hi Jon, I don't know what to say - except, do you have a garage? If so, maybe you ought to think about putting a cot out there and making yourself at home until this present wave of noxious-ness subsides. Never having had a problem such as yours, I just can't relate. Ha! Any flatuence I have ever had smelled sweet as roses and my husband says he has always been "inflactuated" with my flatuence! Now, seriously, today we are heading from Grand Rapids to St. Clair Shores to celebrate our oldest son's birthday with him. I heard something about 696 being closed or under construction??? True? If so, do you know of an alternative route that I could take? We usually exit at 9 Mile. HELP! Hugzz, Pam

Dear "Stinky": I can relate!!! To me, it's worse if I eat wrong...too many carbs or sugar and watch out! The spouses are really getting the brunt of this change....now we are looking so hot () but the minute they move in to show their adoration, we fend them off with the "bomb"! Can't win for losing! Oh well....hang in there Stinky!!! Just know you are not alone!