NON-SUPPORTIVE FAMILY

O.K., I had RNY surgery on the 6th of March and I have lost 17 lbs, I feel that I am doing pretty good. I am at the full liquid stage and then I go to pureed for 2 weeks and then soft for two weeks and then regular foods. I am married and have two children ages 10 and 12 and I also live near my parents. I cannot get my family to quit bugging me about food! My daughter is addicted to food, but that is another story. My Husband isnt doing too bad other than having high fat and high sugar snacks in front of me all of the time. But when I really blew my stack was last night. My parents were having a big dinner at their house and I told my hubby to just take the kids and go since I cant eat anyway. My mom blew a nut saying that "I made all this food and you arent even going to come over????" I figured, why should I come over when all I can do is smell it and help clean up the mess anyway?? All I can have for dinner at this point is broth!! How do I politely tell my family off?

Jennifer, I emailed you a very long reply on how I handled these issues, hope it helps, we all have been there in some way. Keep your chin up girl. Jill

Hi Jennifer, I remember going thru all of that....but I asked my hubby to not bring in and eat the "goodies" in front of me. He was good about that. After a while, I was fine with whatever he wanted to eat. As far as going to Mom's to eat...it is kind of hard in the beginning, but it will get easier. She's probably thinking now you won't want to come over for dinner anymore, but you will...it's a social thing, and food's always the center of everything it seems! At least it was with my Mother-In-Law. Soon, when you progressed a few stages, you'll feel like going and you'll be able to eat a few spoonfuls of mashed potatoes, soup, whatever, etc. But she will have to understand you won't be eating alot. Maybe go visit her when it's not for dinner...just to see her. At least til you are ready. It's really amazing how you adapt and don't really "want" any of that food anyway. Good luck to you! Theresa

My parents and I are really close and I have never had an issue of going over there for diner or anything. Thats is the reason we moved back to Mio is so that I could be close to my parents. I just felt she could be a little more understanding at this point in the food stages. Full liquids is not the stage where you want to socialize around food or go anywhere for dinner for that matter. I am becoming ritualistic with my eating patterns and know what I can have and what I cant have. I am just venting, thats all. I am sure that I will be less grumpy when I am on pureed foods and can actually have something with a slight bit of texture. Thanx for listening. Jennifer

Dear Jennifer: I'm so sorry you are going through this. However, I have to say that I had no support from my family due to my father having cancer and my Mom made it clear that she could not be here for me if I "ever" needed her. Now, since Dad died, she suddenly has all this free time. It is now I find myself making myself more available to my Mom than ever before. Support means that people understand your needs. Explain to them specifics, I gave my family the entire progress list of foods I could eat and what my intake should be on a daily basis. I also TOLD them how it would be and how I would be eating would be TOTALLY different from their habits. If you want to politely tell them off, don't. You will regret it in the long run. What you do is HAVE THEM OVER FOR DINNER AT YOUR HOUSE, and insist that they eat as little as you do. While they stare at their plates having three bites on them, you tell them this is how you live, and to expect it. Then, simply hand out sheets of paper with your daily eating habits and say to them this is how it is going to be forever, and they need to get use to it if they expect you to be a success. I would also recommend that you let them know how important this is to you and that FOOD no longer plays a vital role in your life. Stress the importance of this and hopefully, they will listen. I hope they do. All my best

Hey Jennifer, That former post by Rae Ann Coon was by me. What happened is I was doing some work on her profile for her since I know HTML coding, and forgot to log out and didn't realize it posted as her until it was too late. I'm terribly sorry for the confusion and sorry Rae Ann for not properly logging out of your profile before I posted something. OOPS.

No Problem

I'm sorry this is happening this way... its not easy being around great food when you can't have it. However, I've faced this challenge another way.... I go and watch everyone eat all that great food and simply enjoy the smells and socialization. Maybe I'm different than most food addicts, but since my surgery, it doesn't bother me to see people eat the things I can no longer have. In fact, now that I'm back to work, I'm cooking foods for others that I can't have. I just make what I can eat and sit down with them and enjoy my own food. Its ONE HECK of a challenge for sure, but by facing it head (and smells) on, its helping me get used to the fact that my eating habits have changed forever! And for my friends and family, they are settling a little easier into being comfortable about eating all that food around me and not feeling guilty. I know what I'm doing won't work for everyone, maybe not even very many, but for me this has helped me learn to put those "urges" behind me.

I haven't had the surgery yet, and my family has responded in different ways. My children (4 of 'em) are grown, three of them have their own families. They are supportive but a bit scared, I think. I have never had a major illness or surgery and they are a bit antsy. My daughter is an RN and probably the worse as she knows all the dangers. But she also knows the benefits and recognizes the need for this step. The two older boys are okay with it and have been very supportive while we wait for a date. The youngest is a student at Michigan State. His only question was "when will you be smaller?" Typical male I guess. I did talk with my two oldest grandchildren about it and they had many questions. Mostly about what I would be able to eat afterward. They were amazed when I demonstrated with medicine cups how much I would get to eat. Augie (12 going on 30) only asked one question, "Will this maybe make it possible for you to see my children". Well that started the crying and hugging I can tell you. I chose to tell my family all the good, bad and ugly before this all happens. I am hoping this will help them to help me as I journey to a healthier life. And hopefully it'll help them to live a healthier one. Give your families time to adapt, it's a whole new ballgame now. They'll come around...all families do. Mary