kinda OT: Advice to Pre/post ops

Just wanted to warn you all that there is lots personal info to come--so if it bothers you please skip on. A little background first on the reason for the advice: This past saturday I intentionally overdosed on 220MGs of Adderall XR. (my normal daily dose is 40mgs daily, 2 20mg pills, one taken in the am, and one in the mid afternoon) I dont really fully understand WHY I did what I did, but this was the first time that I had ever done something. I wanted to die, but obviously I didnt, and I realized that what I did was extremely stupid. For some reason i have had not this much depression when I was bigger/preop, and that leaves me wondering if having the surgery was really worth it or not. My advice: If you are preop, make sure you keep and follow up on the psych evaluation. If after the surgery you feel yourself mentally changing, please do not be ashamed to seek some assistance. There are many out there that would be more than willing to help you out. and remember suicide is nothing more than a Permanant solution to a temporary problem. I hope this has helped someone. If anything it has helped me a little to get my feelings out.

You are very brave to have shared this. I am glad you made it through okay and hope you find what you need to prevent yourself from feeling that way in the future.

thanks. i think the main problem is that I cant ever seem to be truly happy, even though I have the worlds perfect husband and loving children, for somereason i just cant grasp the rainbow . . . hopefully I will be able to find some answers soon. I might have to go inpatient for a little bit, but hey, its covered 100% by insurance.

First, I am sincerely glad you are alive today to tell this story. Secondly, why in the world are you on Adderall? Isn't that for kids with ADHD? I do know it is highly addictive in adults. Heather, I have watched you struggle with this for years. You had depression issues prior to surgery. You cannot know whether the surgery made it worse or it would have become worse anyway. It is hard to see the positive when you are buried with depression. I believe you are better off having had the surgery. I am not convinced that depression medication is all it is cracked up to be. I recently posted that I was depressed from not working, being isolated, and recovering from my surgery. 10 people jumped on the bandwagon saying maybe I needed medication. WHAT????? That is like the instant cure these days. I am not in any way minimizing depression or the cures. I am just saying that my belief is that those drugs are WAY over prescribed. They are obviously not helping you if that is what they are being used for. I think most of those drugs make us too numb to get to the root of the problem and we, as a society, are way to compliant. Not everyone has chemical imbalances and MOST are never tested for any. I got a job, got out of the house, and recovered at a snails pace. My depression has lifted. I hope you can find what works for you whether it be meds or a life altering change. You have Marlena who would miss her mommy I am sure. Take care, Terri

adderall is also prescribed for adults with the same thing, my nurse practitioner and I thought that it would be something to try since a part of my depression was due to the fact that I get bored easily and have hard time completing tasks. It acutally has helped me out quite a bit and I have for the first time sustained a hobby past the first few weeks, and have become quite procifient in it. Its hard sometimes cause we only have one car, so another job outside of the home for myself is an option that we cannot afford, that is why I love the job that I have right now, but cause the company looks to have lost part of its contract, the part I worked for is being cut, and everyone is basically going down to 0 hours on april 30th. eh, well could be worse, ya know, what dosent kill us only makes us stronger. I hope to eventually find someone closer to the new place that we moved to that I can confide in and do things with. BUt the thing is I have a hard time retaining friends cause of my personality type, and I admit it, but its something that I am working on . . *sighs* thanks for the advice

Heather.... Im not you so what I am about to say obviously comes only from my experiences. I have in my past battled some very deep, very dark depression. I'm not going to go into detail but suffice to say I have been where you are.... PLEASE find someone you can talk to.... ANYONE you can talk to. You are a wonderful giving person, and you have a beautiful Danny Phantom loving little girl who needs her MOMMY physicaly, spirtualy and emotional. Get healthy inside and out not only for her.. but for YOU! Know that WE care! We support you ... and we are ALWAYS here. With thoughts..... Erin

*smirks* thanks sweetie its really hard for me to find someone that I can talk to cause i have a lot of trust issues and the fact that I am an a-typical personality, and not a lot of people want to hang around me past the first few 'talks' . I am deeply psychotic i guess, but hey arent we all in some way? *sighs* thanks for the sentiment--i greatly appreciate it

Hang in there. I haven't had my surgery yet so I can't comment on what happens after. But I have been battling depression for over 10 years - I'm still here so I am winning. Make sure you are taking the proper medication. My doctor told me I would know its the right medication when I wake up most mornings feeling happy. Not every morning, but the majority of them. I too have an issue with trusting people to confide in. I've been "screwed over" so many times it's hard to trust anyone - but you have to. It could be a friend, family member or even a counsellor - but please find someone. What I've done is slowly tested people. I've opened up slowly to people and yes I was let down a lot. But eventually I found some people I could trust . It takes time, you need to be strong. Try to keep yourself around positive people. Look around at the people in your life - if anyone is a problem to you decrease or elimate anytime you spend with them. This may sound terrible - but you need to get better to be able to help them. If you allow this to keep happening and kill yourself - you will not be able to help them. I know I am writing a lot but you are worth it. If you want an e-mail buddy who has been through similar problems please e-mail me anytime at [email protected] I don't know you and I live far away from you. What you write will be kept in confidence. The people i found I could trust were people who had also suffered with depression. Remember there are people who care a lot about you. Your parents, siblings, friends and family - eventhough they don't always show it. And from the replies to this posting, there is a lot of strangers who care about you too. All the best

I am going to echo everyone's first response, so glad you are ok and here to share with us. Secondly, I agree wholeheartedly. I have got through terrible, terrible depression since surgery. I strongly agree that everyone keep up with the mental changes in whatever way helps them the most! Keep up the work of healing! ~V.

I am glad to hear you are okay. Depression is a very hard thing to deal with. Without going into much detail, I too suffer from deep depression. I have tried to go without medication as Terri suggests, but have found for ME that I must take something to stay on an even keel. Medication or not, it is so important to be talking to someone. If that means us, then so be it. Hang in there, hon. Tracey