Why do I get so angry!

Okay.. I'm venting.. anyone who wants to join me, feel free! I had such a good Dr's appt. today with my PCP and was feeling pretty positive. My husband (who is very supportive) comes in the door and one of the first comments he makes is "Well...Mom (my mother-in-law) is preeeeeetttty concerned about this surgery..." (in sorta a sing-songy-tsk tsk-voice).. I said "why?" (very defensively I will add).. He didn't really want to say more because he knows I get upset with his mother's advice.. but he finally told me that "well, my husband's cousin had a friend that just died from it".. I said "really...well, what was her health like? did she tell you any more about her or her condition?".. (of course not).. then he said that his mother offered to go back to weigh****chers with me, and she would cook all the food because she knows I don't have time with work and all... now, mind you.. she is 60 and seems about 90. She is on oxogyn from smoking all her life, has arhtritis, bad joints, bad back, multiple back surgeries and is very very overweight. SHe doesn't even leave the house.. she can't! And she'll cook the meals?? She is a GREAT cook, but she can't even stand long enough to make a meal! Arrrrghhhhh!!!!!! It makes me so angry!!! My husband said she's actually pretty knowledgable about the surgery..but didn't want to go into it..said it's the same stuff I already know about.... I just have to wonder if some people like her... or like the people on the message boards with so many "regrets" and want reversals 4 week post op.. I wonder if they actually suffered with their weight the way some do.. the way "I" do. No, I don't want to die, abut a large part of me feels dead already..and I'm only 39! At a weigh****chers meeting once a woman (I honestly think she had a whole 25 lbs to lose at her heaviest and she was now at "goal") was talking about a friends daughter who had W/L surgery.. and she just could NOT understand why someone would do that to themselves.... just shook her head...not knowing why someone would do something SO permanent and drasti****pt my mouth shut, but inside I was saying "well, Lady... let me tell ya why! and I began listing a million reasons why I would have it..... I realized at that moment that some people just don't "suffer" with their weight. Well, I do.. I suffer emotionally and physically. I just want out. Anyway.. I'm done. I'm sorry if I'm a downer.. but I just wanted to vent...thanks for letting me! I feel better

HI KIM I HAD MY SURGERY HERE IN FLINT AT HURLEY HOSPITAL. A GROUP OF US MEET EVERY WEDNESDAY AT 11:00 A.M. AT THE FASHION SQUARE MALL IN SAGINAW , WE ARE ALL POST-OP. IF YOU WOULD LIKE TO COME WITH US SOMETIME EMAIL ME AND YOU CAN GO WITH ME. I WOULD BE MORE THAN HAPPY TO GIVE YOU A RIDE. AND YOUR HUBBY OR MOM-IN-LAW CAN COME TO AND SEE HOW WE ARE DOING. KEEP IN TOUCH AND EMAIL ME AND WE CAN EXCHAGE PHONE NUMBERS AND GET TOGETHER. ALSO IF YA CANT MAKE IT ON A WEDNESDAY WE CAN GET TOGETHER HERE IN TOWN SOME TIME. KEEP IN TOUCH I AM HERE TO HELP YOU.

First of all, who cares what other people think. You do not need approval or validation from others to do what you know is the right thing for you. There are MANY people out there who do not understand obesity. We are being unfair to ourselves and others by expecting them to understand and give support. If she told you she could not support your Christian beliefs for some reason, what would you say to her? You would stand up for yourself and tell her it does not matter what she thinks. This is the same concept really. When we stop expecting things from people who are incapable of giving us what we need, we stop being disappointed all of the time. People have their limits and we have to respect that. Get your support elsewhere and tell your husband you would rather not hear what she says behind your back. Someone once told me that what others say behind your back is none of your business. Be stong, stay resolved and do something relaxing. This is an extremely stressful time and emotions run high prior to surgery. We are in turmoil over so many things. Try staying single minded and keep your eye on the prize. Terri

You guys are the BEST!!!!! Thank you SO much. I felt a little bit bad after posting with so much anger... definately not very Christian of me! And Terri, you are absolutely right! What terrific insight.. I needed to hear all of that! I truly appreciate all of you and your points of view. I also appreciate the willingness for you to take me in and invite me to "group".. I am not sure if I'm ready yet, but I can promise you that I will take you up on it as things get moving along. I also spoke to MY mom tonight who was extremely supportive..even in her "cautiousness" about the surgery she is totally respectful of my decision. Maybe I just need to let my Mother-in-law know a little bit more about who obesity has "stunted" my life. Then maybe she'll understand and if she doesn't, then I will log on here where I know I will always find support and honest insight. Thanks!

You guys are the BEST!!!!! Thank you SO much. I felt a little bit bad after posting with so much anger... definately not very Christian of me! And Terri, you are absolutely right! What terrific insight.. I needed to hear all of that! I truly appreciate all of you and your points of view. I also appreciate the willingness for you to take me in and invite me to "group".. I am not sure if I'm ready yet, but I can promise you that I will take you up on it as things get moving along. I also spoke to MY mom tonight who was extremely supportive..even in her "cautiousness" about the surgery she is totally respectful of my decision. Maybe I just need to let my Mother-in-law know a little bit more about who obesity has "stunted" my life. Then maybe she'll understand and if she doesn't, then I will log on here where I know I will always find support and honest insight. Thanks!

DOH!!! I hate it when I double post!!! Sorry!

Sounds like my weight loss sisters have done you right as I expected. I was lucky and had minimal problems with explaining what I wanted to do to my parents and inlaws. They were on my side after I had come to terms with my decision. In fact my inlaws who just turned 70 came from Gaylord and stayed with me and my wife to help out around the house while I was down and out. I cannot say more there the greatest. Surprisingly my 35 year old brother was the only person to say "why are you doing this, I thought everything was alright?" My response was Mike I am obestly fat there is nothing alright with that. In the end I never told my closest friends and work aquantances about my surgery. The suspect and question at times but I ignore it. I did this to get healthy and to live longer for my family. I did not want to be watched like a hawk everytime I sat down to eat. Not everyone agrees with my decision but thats ok with me. If any one has a problem with what your doing just sing them the song (As recorded by Joe South) "walk a mile in my shoes" "Walk a mile in my shoes, walk a mile in my shoes And before you abuse, criticize and accuse Walk a mile in my shoes." Paul

I know you didn't ask for advice, but here's my take on things anyway... You aren't ever going to change the minds of negative people, so don't waste your time/energy on them. Know in your heart that what you are doing is right for you and don't even discuss the subject with those who are going to argue you up one side and down the other. If you were an alcoholic who decided to join AA, would it make sense to hang out with people who swear you'll never get sober or who say "AA is just for wimps!"? When you need to discuss WLS, come here to do it. Tell your husband that you aren't interested in hearing about the concerns of other people. They can keep their comments to themselves. If they think you're being a high-falutin' pain-in-the-butt, so what? This is your LIFE. Making nice to other people isn't important and neither is convincing them that your decision is the right one. Brenda

I think in some ways people that are negative about the surgery may be a little "jealous" about you maybe being thin and not them. My Mother-in-law(God rest her soul) was a wonderful person and I loved her dearly, but she was very heavy and every time I started a diet, she'd keep inviting us to dinner (Hubby LOVED her cooking) but I swear she'd sabotage me at every turn. She like the company of another fat person...an eating buddy, so to speak. I know she wanted what was best for me, but I feel she sabotaged me, maybe even unconciously. Anyway, I decided I was not living my life the way I was. That made my decision. Don't let things get you down...you can do this! Theresa