Now home - with head hunger - dreaming of full liquids (long)

So - I'm HOME! And I'm going to be extra lazy- oops, I mean efficient- and type up one big journal entry here - and copy/paste to the profile later. Thursday night- In classic fashion, everything is running behind. When I got to my Mom's to drop of the kids- my brother, my nephew, and my Mom were waiting for me. I got the long dirge-like farewell. My brother wouldn't stop hugging me and my dad started to cry. I told Andy that if I was ever told I needed to enter hospice, I can't imagine a much different send off. Too weird. Dad called me at 11 PM to tell me it wasn't too late to change my mind. I cracked a joke on the ride over to Barix that the "News of my demise have been greatly exaggerated." Andy did NOT find that amusing and spent much of the ride choking back tears. Such a fun night. The support was just overwhelming. Friday AM - Pre-op. In a strange coincidence, my PAT Nurse happened to be covering pre-op due to the holiday weekend. It was great to see Barb and have her talk Andy down out of the trees. I was pretty upbeat and chipper- good to be actually progressing things forward again. Friday Post Op - I feel like death warmed over. After 1 abdominal surgery and 2 C Sections, I felt like I knew what I was in for. Actually, I think my memory had developed a nice patina of forgetfulness that waking up in post-op cured me of. Barb reminded me that the first 4 hours after surgery were the worst and to try to remember that if I started struggling with why I was in that much pain. I hung onto those words for dear life for the next several hours. At some point, Andy tells me that Theresa W has called - (Thanks to Theresa!) and that they repaired a previously unknown hernia while they were in there. I float in and out of various states of consciousness due to the anthesia and the pain drugs. And while I try to appear positive with Andy - who after all needs a resistent husband saying I told you so at this point?- I am in my head questioning if I am unhinged. Too late to worry about it though. It's done. Saturday- Andy heads home - both kids are sick and Katie is having all kinds of issues with her asthma. I'm happy because I don't like being fussed over and I'd like his sour puss out of the room. I just want to sleep, wake up, blow the thera-pep, suck the spirometer, move - sometimes only when they make me- and just generally be a sorry, miserable, self-pitying goober. By myself. On the plus side - I decide that since there isn't likely to be a lot of visitors and all - as many of the folks that are in have come some distance and it's New Years Eve - I content myself to watching so much Animal Planet, TLS, and VH1 that I will be cabled out on my return home. It's 10 pm and I wake up to the sound of noise makers. Someone knocks on my door and wants me to wear a Party Hat. I look at her like a) who are you? b) why are you in my room and c) just bug the heck off. Her name is Angela, her Mom is in the room next door, and she had the RNY 5 years ago and has maintained her weight loss the whole time. Angela even brought over her before picture to show me. It was one astounding transformation. She wanted to make sure I still had a fun New Years. I'm shocked anyone would have bothered, touched at the gesture, and being crabby and a bit feverish - want her to go away. I'm later overcome with catholic guilt about that - so more on that later. I did put the hat on but I would not wear it on my journey around the halls. Sunday- I wake up feeling about 75% better. I'm perky. I'm more like myself. I actually want to take a stab at the clear liquids. My pouch tells me it is NOT interested in cold liquids and that the popsicle is just out of the question. Not being dumb, I say yes Ma'am to the pouch - which for some reason wants beef broth. I don't even like beef broth. But my new pouch thinks it's awesome and a hundred times better than chicken broth. Go figure. And right now, the pouch is the boss. At some point, I get a shower. God is in the shower. How is it possible that a few minutes of warm water will change your perspective utterly? I just know that it does and it did. I go back to my room and put on makeup base and blusher. Might as well go for broke. Monday- Remember that Catholic Guilt I mentioned? Well, I got truly flaggellated by it this time. Someone trying to simply cheer me up on New Years out of the goodness of their own heart - and I was busy being crabby. Believing that god can be present in the unlikeliest moments and times, I started to think that in my depression and loneliness - he sent the answer he thought I would hear. If I didn't recognize it, it was my problem. But if I didn't tell Angela how grateful I was for the gesture, I was well and truly a turd of a human being. So, I got up with the chickens and waited for her to come pick up her mom. I didn't want to miss the chance to tell her that while I was less than appreciative at the time, I really truly did value the gesture. It was a great conversation - and I'm sending her the link to the OH Michigan Board. I think you guys would love her. So - we made the journey home today. I'm not so much hungry, hungry. I do have head hunger though - I keep thinking of pizza and eggs and PROTEIN. It's demented. I have an incision the length of Indiana and I'm trying to figure out what to eat at my first available chance. I just have to remind myself that surgery is a tool - it's up to me what I do with it. In the end, I'm getting tired and it's time to troop upstairs, take some lortab and go nighty night. But know I missed you the last few days and I'm glad to finally have my seat on the loser's bench. Best, Michele P

Michele So glad to hear you are home alright. I was so happy to see when Theresa posted about how you were. I could only imagine how it must have looked on New Years Eve to be in there and have this stranger approach you. Nice to see things turned around for you though and you told her thanks. I had that head stuff going on when I came home too. I thought about food all the time. Sometimes I can still be that way. I dont know why. Must be the fat girl in me or something. I hated watching tv to because there was to many commericals about pizza etc. I am thinking of you. Hope all is well. Suzanne

Glad to see you are doing well. Your Journey sounds so oddly familiar. Keep us updated. We are here for you anytime. Terri

Hi Michele! Glad to see you posting!!! I truly enjoyed your post! You have a way with words!! Sounds like you are doing better each day. I talked to Andy a couple of times and I tried to call you once in the hospital, but you were in the shower, and decided you'd be pooped by the time you got back, so thought I'd wait til you returned home and email you. I know it's a tough road at the beginning, but you will never be happier with yourself as the pounds start to melt away! It is truly an amazing journey! The head hunger is so goofy....I remember it well. Once you do start on full liquids, etc., you'll be doing great. You'll be FULL, without any trouble at all and food will be the last thing you'll want. Eating becomes more of a chore than entertainment, as it used to be (at least for me!) But you'll get the hang of it quickly. Just wanted to say I'm happy to see you posting and WELCOME TO THE CLUB!!!! Theresa

Glad to see you are back and feeling somewhat normal. Congrats!

Glad to hear your home now chew chew chew and sip sip sip keep up the good work Paul

Hi Michele: I am soooo glad you are home and doing well! I thought about you **ALL** day Friday and all weekend too. I really wanted to call and/or send flowers, but I don't even know your last name....lol....and I figured with all the lovely HIPAA rules/regs that I'd be lucky if the hospital would let me send you smoke signals!! Anyway...I was lying in in bed one night this weekend, with all sorts of strange and obscure thoughts zipping through my little pea-brain, when suddenly and unabashedly out popped this "ditty" that I would have sent with your "alleged" flowers...so....here ya GO! It's the thought that counts, right? teehee You whizzed through the surgery and you're recovering fine! You'll be doing the bariatric shuffle in very good time! The nurses will roust you to suck and to blow! And don't forget to eat all your Jell-O!!!! {{{Hugs}}} Maria W.