OT: Prayer Request Follow-up / Court Hearing
I just wanted to let everyone know the outcome of the court hearing.
An unusual decision - one rarely made, they split the baby. The purpose for termination is to give the child permanency by making them available for adoption. In this case, they terminated on the father, but (and the judge stated with GREAT hesitation and doubt) let the mom keep her parental rights. She's been given a 90 day extension.
This means that terminating on the father does absolutely nothing because if the mom gets back with dad (huge history of this here) then dad can still be around the boy - even though the boy gets told next week by the therapist no more daddy. How confusing can that be?
This also means dragging out this little boy's life another 3 months not knowing if his mom is going to get it right or not. I feel for the boy because how hard can it be at 5 to not know what's going to happen with your life? He's been in foster care over a quarter of his life and his parents have been making bad choices for 90% of his life.
I truly hope his mom can get and keep her act together ...... but the track record is poor in this area. (Hasn't been sober or clean in 20+ years).
So he waits........... and we do this again in August.
Sheryl
In the Zoo
Oh Sheryl,
My hearts breaks for this little one. It brings tears to my eyes. He is to young to have so much unstability in his little life. I know you and your family will give him all you can. We see the underside of the tapestry here, Just a bunch of lose threads and knots, a mixed up tangled mess. What The Lord see's is the top side of a beautiful masterpiece. Try to remember even if we don't understand what God is doing in situations like this, He does. We have to keep the faith and trust that He knows exactly what he is doing. Hang in there Sheryl.
{{{{{BIG HUGS}}}}} You all will remain in my prayers.
God bless you,
Annette
Mine too Annette, mine too. I sat and listened to the details of his removal from his home and while I already knew of themn, to hear them lined up - fact after fact was just sickening. (Meth lab child so you can just imagine)
Your analogy of the tapestry is accurate. We want for this child what God wants. And if it's to give this mom one more chance we're all for it. At the same time, it's difficult to see this child's life on hold for another 3 months.
Thank you so much for your continued prayers Annette.
Sheryl
In the Zoo
SHeryl, it is so hard to see children put through this. I went through it with 2 nieces and a nephew. the system went back and forth, and finally gave the youngest to her father, the oldest to foster care and the middle to my mother in law, what a screwed up mess. i hope this all comes together with what is best for the little guy! good luck, teri
How heartbreaking! The child is the only one hurting from this whole thing! Why cant parents see that.
I hope I don't get flamed for this, but the United States is so screwed up about parental rights! My parents are currently going through a mess right now with my ex-sister-in-law. She had a brain aneurysm and had surgery 11/04. Well, things did not go as planned. She was in the hospital for 2 months. Then came to live with my parents (same town as her house). My niece, 10-1/2 at the surgery time, started staying at their house too. Last May the mom went to live her mother in Warren and has NOT SEEN my niece since!!! Yep, calculated correctly - ONE YEAR!!!! The mother and grandmother have been up here atleast 6 times that we know of and have not made any attempt to see the child. Last fall they changed the locks on the house last fall, which is now in foreclosure. Won't let the child have any of her possessions from the house. Went in with a realtor not too long ago to take inventory (court date to get the childs items removed is 5/24) and ALL OF THE CHILDS PICTURES ARE LEFT ON THE WALLS!! None of them were taken down and taken with the mother. I felt like throwing up having my niece see that. My brother, the father, is very involved in her life. He lives in Florida, but has allowed her to stay at our parents house...she practically grew up there and it's stable for her. Both he and the mother gave guardianship to my mom. IF she ever tries, it would be typical of the state to give the mother custody of her, even though she has had no contact with her for almost 9 months now and has not seen her in a year. We are just hoping that if that day ever comes (if she never gets her head together, which I hope not - sorry, would normally never wish anyone to NOT get well, but this is my exception) all that she has done towards the child will go against her. The child considers the mother as her mother, but only in her memories prior to surgery. After surgery, she basically is just another person on the street now. So sad.
Thank god we went to Russia to adopt our son! Atleast his birthmother, who was 16 at the time, did the smartest thing by giving him him up. She even wrote a letter stating she could not take care of him and wanted him to go to good family.
Michelle
You're right Michelle, the system is very flawed. The judge in this matter is known to be inconsistant in his decisions. I was happy to hear him read directly from the law and then state whether each requirement had been met. What surprised me is after he stated the prosecution had met it's burden of proof, he looked at "best interest of the child" . . . and didn't really have a clear legal defination to go on. This is when it was allowed to be his own personal intrepretation rather than law defined.
I will say on the mom's behalf that she actually sat in the witness stand and stated that she didn't know that if returning him to her was in the child's best interest. All of us truly believe that she really did want what is best for her child. She made comments that weren't in her favor, yet accepted accountability. For her own sake, I hope she can make it. But I've also talked to other case workers who have seen just some crazy situations where the child(ren) get returned just to wait for the parent to fail again. One of the fosters we have now is #6 to be pulled from his mom. She's lost rights to all of the others and soon this one. I think the biggest problem is that no one is sure just how to fix the system/mess.
As to your SIL, it sounds like that aneurysm did something to affect her brain. How difficult for your whole family, but especially your neice. I pray she gets her belongings - just remember that no matter what her mom has done, she still loves her mom. We see this in trauma/abused kids too. No matter how bad it was, they still love them. I pray that your family will be healed of this hurt.
Sheryl
In the Zoo
In your case, it seems that the Mom would just rather give the child up. So the child can have a better life. However, it is very possible that other sources (legal/lawyers?) are an influence in that not happening (I have strong feelings that happens alot). I just dont understand how the system can continuously return a child to a parent that messed up. One mess up should be an exception (everyone makes mistakes). But again and again. Geeze, the child is the main one that suffers.
As for the aneurysm (sorry, I should have indicated it was 11/2004, not 11/04) with my exSIL. It was attached to almost everything and the doctor had to do a lot of cutting. All her 'friends' from here (she no longer keeps in contact with any of them), her family that she has broken all contact with and my entire family strongly believe that her mother (the grandmother) is the large part of the problem. Instead of telling the mother she has to go do this or think about it and figure it out (like a problem/puzzle) the grandmother will do it for her. The grandmother cannot stand the child (my niece)...and my niece knows it, along with everyone else. Yes, she still loves her mom, but to be honest with you....She loves her mom before she 'died' (day of surgery) in her eyes. About 6 months ago she wanted to call her mother and grandmother and tell them they could go to H-E-double Hockey sticks!! On a lighter note, she (niece) has adjusted very well to her life now. She gets excellent grades. She is polite. She has her typical preteen issues (she's almost 12), but for what she has been through and knowing her mother has basically abandoned her, she is doing very well.
Michelle
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