How do you deal with the negative views of others re:WLS and/or Mexico?

I am having a hard time with everyone in my life about this decision! I am a nurse and my co-workers very freely express their views and opinions! Also, my friends say stupid things like "I had to do it the hard way. You can too." and "you can't have surgery, I'll be the only fat one left!" I am sick and tired of defending myself! Now that I made the mistake of talking about it, I can't get them to shut up about it, they offer their opinions even though I don't ask for them! One of my husbands co-workers brought him in an article from some magazine like People, telling how dangerous it is! It's awful funny that if we told this same co-worker I was getting breast implants, he'd be like "Cool, when?" and he certainly wouldn't be showing my husband articles about complications and death rates (that were completely inaccurate by the way!). Why do some people freak out like this! I could understand if they were truly worried about me, but they're not. They seem to be more worried on the impact MY weight loss has on THEIR life! Anyone encountering the same problem? ANy sugfgestions on shutting these people up? Simply saying, "please don't give me your opinion, or I don't want to hear any more" IS NOT WORKING! Help!!!!!!!!

Hi Bonnie Boy do we hear this complaint a lot on here.. So don't feel like you are alone!! I remember having people say that I didn't need the operation because I didn't look fat enough.. I had to defend myself by saying I'm 244 lbs and considered Morbidly obease.. Or the looks when you say you are going to MEXICO.. WOW that's a rough one.. The things that go thru peoples minds about the hospitals etc. in Mexico.. Guess you just have to ignore the comments and do what you feel comfortable with..And I must add that anyone that thinks we are taking the easy way out has no ideal. Having this surgery has MADE me work harder to understand my mind and body.. All I know is it was the best decision I made for myself, and would do it again in a heart beat.. Many just choose not to tell anyone that they are having the surgery.. That seems to work for me now.. Don't ask Don't tell policy..lol Good luck. GerrAnn 245/198

Hi! Welcome to the South of the Border forum! I do feel like I know what you are going through with the negative responses. And please forgive me BUT...I also have very strong feelings about this for ME. It is just my opinion however, but, I am happy to share it ( always happy to share my humble opinion) So, anyway, In a nutshell: DROP THE SUBJECT! If people you already told start to say..."hey, what did you ever decide about that surgery?" or "Hey, are you still gonna do it?" Then just change the subject or tell them you are still deciding and then turn the conversation toward them as everyone loves to talk about themselves more anyway! The following is a cut and paste job from a few days ago on the main message board in response to a very snippy lady who thought I was being selfish by keeping my "secret" : I have only told my family and the reason is this...I have been defined as "that cute big girl" all my life. I refuse to now be know as "that hottie who lost her weight with wls". My life has always been an open book up until this time and I must tell you it is the right choice for me at this time. I will not tell everyone and their dogs about this anymore than I will attempt to entertain anyone with the details of my IUD insertion last week. It is my medical history...life altering history but still. All that being said to now say this...For the first time, last week, a MO friend came to me in tears and wanted to know my secret. I am going to sit down with her over a cup of coffee and tell her my story. She deserves to know and so does anyone who can benefit from hearing my story. I would not deprive her of a life raft if she were drowning! HELLO! I am not a totally arrogant, stingy person who just wants to hog all the glory for my success. But, I am a person who wants to be defined by me: my spirit, my good deeds, my personality and what I have to offer the world. I do not want people coming up to me all the time just talking about wls stuff and asking how much I've lost now?...should you really be eating that?...I had a friend who had that done...OMG, you really did that!?!?...blah, blah, blah. You get the idea. Here was a life changing/affirming thread...enjoy. JMHO, Molly http://www.obesityhelp.com/morbidobesity/messageboard/postdetail/1065700.html?vc=0

Oh yeah! One more thing... If you chose to omit the fact that you are having surgery you also by default escape the conversation about your choice of going to Mexico to have it done! It really works out quiet nicely for me! This was all done preop to gaurd my own heart and mind against all the negative and is done postop to avoid a bunch of idle conversation and shock and awe regarding my personal choices. Hugs, Molly

I did like Molly, to an extent. Before the surgery, I only told close friends that I knew I could trust and count on their prayers for me, even if they didn't understand or agree with me. I only had 2 like that, and it was from family. Go figure. Anyway, now that I am post-op, if the subject comes up, I will tell them. I want to be able to help anyone who needs it. And even if it is a 'skinny' person asking, you never know from word of mouth who will hear of it. If rumors cause an MO individual to know that there is hope and come to me for information, so much the better. I have decided that no one can please everyone all the time, so why even try. But before surgery there are enough stresses without adding that! Genie

Bonnie...I am faced with the same decision. I believe I will be going to Mexico for the surgery. I do not want to be in a "glass house" with everyone watching what I do and eat and....I do not want to hear all the negative! So far, my husband, sister, one coworker, one son and my boss know. After some mild hysterics, my son recognizes I did my research and where I am going is a great place (he is actually going with me!)...just as good as the states. My coworker (who has to cover for me while I am off) and boss think I am going to a backstreet under cover operation! They have seen the light....So, after that, my 2 other sons will be told and that's it. Oh yeah, coworker and boss wonder if I just need to try harder on dieting....grrrrr Mollie Mae...thanks for the link to your prior post. All of the responses were great and a good cross section of the debate...tell or not!

Hi, I agree with the group. I didn't spread the word before surgery. I knew people would not agree, so I didn't tell. Boy, did I ever get in trouble with my son. Wow! Anyway, Im now sz 6-8, look 100% better in my clothes, feel 100% better and when people call me "skinny" or ask me what I am doing............I just say " eating less". Then we both laugh! It's the truth! If they really want more info, of course I would tell them over coffee. but I don't offer it as a general answer. Red Head

It's so important to be assertive and let them know how you're feeling. You were just trying to share something that's very important to you. You don't deserve to be berated for it. It may seem abrupt, but remind them that you've asked them not to bring it up any more then turn your back on them and walk away. It should paint a picture for them. Then carry on as if it never happened. They'll get over it. You can also just tell them that you're sorry you ever told them, it's your business and you never want to speak of it with them again. This is your life. Your parents are the only ones that are allowed to give you a hard time! All that said, just ignore them. It's not worth getting upset about. This is an amazing thing your doing for yourself, don't let their stupidity get you down. Rise above it and be happy! It's funny you've posted this now, I just added a journal entry to my profile about how I'm having a difficult time deciding if I should tell my friends and extended family. I decided to tell one of my very close friends, and that's all. So there are only four people who know I'm doing this. I can talk to them and not feel like I'm all bottled up, but I don't have to defend my decision to everyone else. I'll let everyone else know after I get back from Mexico. There's nothing they can do about it but accept it!! Good luck Bonnie! You're in all our prayers! Cheers! Lorraine

You guys are so cool! Thank you so much! It's unfortunate that since I got excited, I ran my big mouth and everyone was told. Now I have to live with the fall out of their opinions! Oh well, only 2 more weeks until I'm a loser! I've survived worse! Thanks again! Bonnie

i did make the error of telling one big mouth person at work and it was spread around like wild fire....that was back in february. it has been several months and i think people have forgotten my personal support system folks know, but my "boyfriend" has not been told. i have a feeling we probably will not even be going out in june... so why share this very personal thing with him? most of the time the way i deal with negative comments is by ignoring them. as far as my family members-i just tell them i have done a lot of research and i am going to do this regarfless of their opinions. you just have to be really assertive and defend your decision and people will leave you alone. the comment that ticks me off the most is when people say "you're not that big." or "just exercise and join weigh****cher." if only they knew what i have been through trying to lose weight.