Why does this keep happening to me

I can't tell you all how very upset I am. I have gone through so much to find money for this surgery and things just keep falling through. I had all my loan money and Rosella signed all the paper work to only find out that the 3 loan companies I went through all have the same lender. Which means I lost 3,000 dollars of funding. I can't believe this is happening to me. I am so tired of people saying it is not my time. That is just plan bull*hit! If it wasn't my time then why do stupid doors keep opening to only close in my face. Everyone keeps saying that it's not that much money, but 3,000 dollars is a lot of money when you have no way to get it. I have applied everywhere. I am wasting money trying to apply for stupid loans. I can't take this anymore. I really wish that I would have never even thought about this surgery because it has been more trouble then it seems to be worth. I think I have cried more now then I ever have and this is just to much for me to take. Maybe this makes me weak and proves that I am not ready for this surgery but I just really don't care anymore. I haven't gone any were or done anything because I hate to even look at myself in the mirror. And to think that I will have to feel that way for another 10 months just kills me. Why does this keep happening to me. I am so angry all the time and it's because I am stressed out about this surgery. For now I have taken all that I can bare and I may have to rethink my decision to have surgery in the first place. I feel like life just keeps laughing in my face

Ronda, im so sorry sweety but keep trying. I think it is your time and something is going to happen. have you tried medi-credit?? If not email me at [email protected] and i can give you their contact information. They are pretty good. I went through them to get my financing and they were super quick they gave me an answer in 20 minutes. Let me know if you need anything and don't give up. This is a huge battle your up against but Im sure you know something worth having is worth fighting for so don't give up hon. Cindy

Hey Ronda: ohhh, i know these feelings that your having all too well. i had to wait for 5 years, so i understand. Pleaseeeeeeeeeeeeeee don't give up! i know it's so frustrating and it just makes you hurt inside. i love ya sweety, and i'll keep you in my prayers. Something will come through, i believe that. (((hugs))) Your friend tami~

Ronda, You are such a beautiful person, you have to believe that everything will turn out ok. I know this probably isn't what you want to hear right now and I'm sorry, but I thought I'd bring to light that you can use the time you've got before you have the surgery, to start taking vitamins and suppliments to boost your immune system. I'm only starting now, where as I should have started doing this months ago. I'm still not eating the proper things, but at least my body is getting the nutrients it needs to be ready for any trouble that may be ahead. Keep faith Ronda. Love, Lorraine

Hey Ronda, It's your old pal Melissa. I'm really very sorry that your funding has fallen through. I totally understand, as you already know about the funding dropping out at the very last minute. I think I've pretty much given up on my surgery. I have no idea how to get the money I need. I've looked everywhere. If I could sell my kidney, perhaps I'd have the money. Do you think there's a black market for kidney's? I'll be sending you an email tomorrow. I am so sorry honey. I know how much this surgery means to you. Don't give up sweetie! I know it's going to take longer than you want, but hopefully it'll be sooner than you think. Melissa Take care

Hey Ronda! I am so sorry that all this is happening. I can not only feel the pain in your post, but in my spirit as well. You know my first surgery date fell through as well. Some of us just have a harder road to travel for approval than others. Some people get approved the first time and their date seems to be within weeks. We are not one of those people unfortunately. But, Ronda, maybe that just means the outcome will be that much sweeter for us because we did have to fight so hard. I know you are hurting. I wish there was something I could do. I wish I had tons of money to loan you, but I don't. If you talked to my husband, he would tell you I went through those very same emotions. I cried all the time. I was sure it would never ever happen for me. But it did. No matter what you feel like right now, DON'T GIVE IT! IT WILL BE SO WORTH IT WHEN YOU REACH THE END OF YOUR JOURNEY. You will look in the mirror and see a smiling, happy, healthy Ronda! All my love, sweetie! Genie

Ronda, Things are going to work out for you. I know it. Just hang in there and don't give up. When you are this close the end of the battle, this is when you need to reach down way inside and get that second wind, that wind that has kept us all going when life gets tough. I know you have it in you. Get tough and do NOT settle for defeat. YOU are worth the fight. Do a fundraiser, yard sale, car wash or something like it. Maybe you wont raise it all, but it will get you closer. Then maybe some of US on this board can provide a little support. I know that a few bucks from each friend would add up... email me. You are in my prayers.

RONDA I AM SO SORRY TO HEAR OF YOUR TROUBLES. YOU MUST BE "PULLING YOUR HAIR OUT" AT THIS POINT. I KNOW THATS HOW I WAS TOO. I WAS VERY EMOTIONAL FOR QUITE A LONG TIME. I LIKE WHAT DONNA HAD TO SAY. ABOUT PULLING DEEP INSIDE YOURSELF AND GETTING THAT SECOND WIND, OF COURSE BY NOW IT PROBABLY SEEMS LIKE YOU'RE TRYING TO FIND YOUR FOURTH, FITH OR SIXTH WIND. BUT PLEASE DONT GIVE UP. IF THINGS SEEM IMPOSSIBLE AT THIS POINT YOU MAY WANT TO GIVE IT A REST FOR A WHILE. WEATHER IT BE A FEW HOURS OR DAYS, WHILE YOU REGAIN STREGHNTH TO BEGIN THE FIGHT AGAIN. IN THE MEANTIME BE GOOD TO YOUR SELF. I HAVE A BAD HABIT OF TURNING ON MYSELF AT TIMES LIKE THIS AND TELL MYSELF IM NOT WORTH IT ANYWAY OR I INDULDGE IN OVER EATING WHICH IN TURN COMPOUNDS THE PROBLEM EVEN MORE. IT IS SPRING GET YOURSELF A BUEATIFUL BOQUET OF FLOWERS. OR A GIANT TEDDY BEAR OR SOMETHING. YOU DESEVE IT. IM SENDING YOU A BIG HUG. CINDY

honey, you know i know how bad you are feeling. i don't have any magic words to say to you. except i will help you in any way i can. i would not be having my surgery if not for your wonderful suport. both of us have been through hell with this financing thing, but you have to hang in there. this will happen. it is your time... it is our time. i would not have even remained optimistic and motivated for all other aspects of my life if it weren't for you. now it is my turn to get you back on track. this will happen for you. we have to somehow get this money for you. i will be brainstorming and i'll e-mail you privately. answer your phone!!!! i love you surgery buddy. patty

Oh Ronda!!!! Please do not give up! Just this last Christmas I would never had thought I would be where I am now and it can happen for you too! Have you tried citi financial? They financed the entire $10,000 for my surgery. Drop by their web sight and apply. Surely they will be able to help you, becuase they helped me and my credit is not exactly spotless. Try it! It can't hurt. www.citifinancial.com Love and hope to you! Tera