Here I go again.................

I copied this from the post I made on the main message board. I promise to stop complaining soon and not post quite so much about me soon. As many of you know I was on a plateau for weeks and weeks but it has been broken. I have lost 4 lbs in the last week. This is great! Last night I also figured out I am not a 14 but a 12. Why it takes others to tell me my clothes are too big for me I do not know. (Casey is an angel ) To be in a 12 feel wonderful! The excitment is unbelievable. All this makes me very happy, yet, there is a down side. When trying on shorts last night I found that my knees are sooooooooo sooooooooo ugly. They jiggle BIG time when I move. It is down right embarassing and makes me unhappy. DH and Mom seem to think I can get the flab to tighten up by working my upper legs. That is the area that I have the most to lose in, but will it take care of the jiggles? Do I really want to wear shorts? I had been so looking forward to this summer and not feeling so out of place in a bathingsuit, but now I have to wonder how I will feel. Do not get me wrong, I WILL be buying and wearing a suit. I thought it would be my flabby tummy that would make me feel funny but no way, it will be my knees and upper legs. Shorts cover the upper legs but not down to my knees. Another thing, how come when I look in the mirror when trying on clothes I am so happy. I can see the difference, see who I am, yet I think others still see me as MO. If most Americans are overweight, then I am normal (only about 20 lbs left to go) So I am no bigger then most of them. Yet, I still wait for someone to look at me like I am in the wrong clothes section, I worry about what people will think of what is in my cart at the grocery store and things like that. I mean, how dare a MO get popsicles and such. Ok, maybe I am exaggerating a little, but I think many of you know what I am getting at. Then, looking in a mirror while I am NAKED! OMG, I do not think the dear lord meant for a person to get that scared. It is down right frightening. Confession time!!! I really didnt think about what I would look like after surgery. I just assumed I would be much happier with my looks after, which I guess I am, but it is a bit disturbing. Most of us going in just hoping we will feel better and I do feel better and am VERY thankful. I never ever thought I would have issues with how my body looks. Does this mean I am vain now? Never ever have I been vain and do not want to start now. Thanks for listening. Theresa OpenRNY 7/15/03 235/155/140?135

I am thinking we must all go through that........I used to care less what I looked like, but now I freak out at the little things. I definitely understand the whole jiggly legs in shorts thing--I tried on so many pairs of shorts before I went to Florida and finally decided I wasn't going to buy any because my legs were disgusting. When I work out I really focus on my legs, but it hasn't seemed to make a difference. I also notice other things that bother me and I was commenting about some of them to the girls at work the other day and one of them said "you are never going to be happy with your body are you?" I thought losing weight would be enough, but now that I am losing, there are other things that I want. I can also relate to still feeling like an MO. When I was in Florida and was in line for the first rollercoaster, I actually almost made myself sick worrying that when I got ready to get on the ride, I wasn't going to fit, since that is what happened last year when I was there. I got to the first ride, and fit perfectly. But, when I got in line for the second coaster, I went through the whole thing again. It was so weird, but every ride I went on I had serious anxiety while I was in line thinking I was not going to fit. And I still feel like when I am shopping for clothes, or grocery shopping that people are watching me and making rude comments about my weight. Even though I KNOW I have lost 93 pounds and I KNOW that I am a lot thinner than I used to be--when I look in the mirror I still don't see it and I don't feel it. It was interesting to me at the support group meeting on Friday to hear the people that are 1-5 years out say that they still have times like that. I guess I have rambled long enough. Jill

I agree it was interesting to hear the older post ops saying that stuff. Made me really think I am normal, if that is possible anyway. It was great seeing and chatting with you in real time, up close and all that. You are shy, but I bet you arent around people you are comfortable with. You have that glint of mischief(sp)in your eye. Do you ever meet people that you know were obese and think "no way"? I did that with you. Never ever would I have thought you had been big. I am not like that with many people but you are one of those. I am so glad you had fun in Florida, makes me believe I will. Of course I do not plan on leaving anything in the trunk, but it would be silly if I did anyway, since we wont have a vehical to use. Ok, now look who is rambling? I love when you write, you so rarely do. Hugssss Theresa

Hi Jill, Before surgery I tried to convince myself I didn't care how I looked, mostly it was trying to ignore it. Now I seem to be dwelling on it. As I said to Theresa's post---I have jiggly legs too. I found a couple pairs of capri shorts for the summer. Can't imagine wearing short shorts...ick! I think you look really great but try not to worry about what other people think. Casey

Hi Theresa, Congrats on breaking your plateau!!! I am happy you feel better about your size although I hear ya on the jiggly legs thing. Mine are too, alot. It was flattering to have someone say I am small but I still have issues with the way I look so you are not alone girl! Cheer up. Casey